Adoption survey

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow, Oct 4, 2010.

  1. I took this survey today...

    My husband and I have been told by every professional we have spoken with that our adopted children's very concerning behaviors are "common" to adopted children.

    If you have adopted, please share your needs and experiences with this group.

    In addition to clicking appropriate boxes, I filled in as many of the "comment boxes" to give as much info as possible to help this organization help those serving adoptive families as much as possible.

    Below is what the survey says about the council performing the survey.

    "The North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC) was founded in 1974 by adoptive parents. NACAC promotes and supports permanent families for children and youth in the U.S. and Canada who have been in care—especially those in foster care and those with special needs.

    To achieve this mission, NACAC focuses its program services in four areas: public policy advocacy, parent leadership capacity building, education and information sharing, and adoption support.

    You can read more about NACAC at "
  2. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I have a niece who was adopted from another country and to be honest my brother in law/sister in law have more trouble with their biological son than they do with their daughter. They think he has ADHD, but she seems to be moving right along and developing really well.
  3. Carolyn9595

    Carolyn9595 Guest

    I have adopted twins and my difficult child son ("Captain NO" I call him) is not the child I imagined I would have when we adopted. His sister is not ADHD/ODD like he is.
    Someone once told me that she was not surprised that the ratio of ADD kids that have been placed for adoption is high. In many cases, impulsive people having impulsive connections without the forethought and responsibility for the results.
    The tough question is would you reccommend someone to adopt if they did not know the mental health background of both parents? When you see them as babies, you cannot imagine that they might start your house on fire or have raging tantrums or weekly issues at school, etc. Raising my difficult child with my husband has been overwhelming.
    He is 15 years old now and 6'2. One has to wonder what impact the yelling and crying and chaos at home has made on her.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Carolyn, we met the birthmom, her mother, the biodad and his mother.
    It never occurred to us that there was a mental health issue.
    The bmom and her mom fought like cats and dogs, but we assumed it was all the stress from having a pregnant teenager.
    Now that the yrs have gone by, and we have gotten to know them a bit better, we realize that there is a genetic component.
    We would never have figured that out at the time.
    So unless someone is hospitalized, there's really no way to tell.
    I can't blame the bmom or grandmother for being in denial. As very excited adoptive parents, we were in even bigger denial.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Four adopted kids and my biological son was probably the second hardest to raise. The outcomes:

    Oldest son is 32 adopted at six from Hong Kong: in my opinion he was too old to be adopted and did not bond. He was not a behavior problem and always got great grades and is very successful, but not close to any of us. He won't see me. I have no idea why. suspect attachment issues.

    Daughter, 26, adopted from Korea as a baby. Very bonded. Went through a drug period in high school, but is straight-arrow now (almost self-righteous about drug users). Very bright, in college, a bit moody, we are close.

    Son, 17, adopted out of foster care and drug exposed before birth. High functioning autism. Good kid, but he'll need help all his life. Came at two and is very attached, especially, to me.

    Daughter 14, local private adoption. Met her parents. Birthmom is a love...I really care about her. She let us watch daughter's birth and, outside the hospital, she said good-bye to daughter then handed her to me and we hugged. It was very touching. Birthdad has struggled with drugs. This daughter is the best kid on earth. Very down-to-earth, no mental health issues, some learning disabilities but getting better, a social butterfly and the most fun kid of all of them. She is extremely close to both of us, and is daddy's girl. I think it helps that she's seen e-mails and letters from birthmother explaining her decision and telling her how much she and I loved one another. One day we will all meet again, I'm sure. Daughter clearly inherited her birthmother's stabiity and common sense, thank god.

    It varies a lot.
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2010