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Adult child choosing to be homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 647822" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>At 30, there isn't much more left to do. This adult "child" is just that, stuck in perpetual adolescence. There is nothing more left to do by anyone but your son to turn his life around. I do believe in the new psychological term "delayed adolescence" bu you son is way past that age. He has made his choice that life is too hard so he is just not going to participate - doing so now at his own peril. I don't know anything that you can do with someone who doesn't want to help themselves AND has an entitled attitude. I think anything that you would choose to do to help him would always be a one time effort on your part because your adult child clearly doesn't want to help himself. Because he has no insight about his motives and issues, the only tool he has left in his toolbox is to blame others for his life choices. Don't fall for it. Read the article on detachment here on the site. Also realize that your son is going to escalate mental and emotional abuse (yes the same kind as in other domestic violence situations) any time you don't give into whatever he wants from you. At 30, you have done your job as a parent. As for him, you too must put away childish things - like giving in to temper tantrums. </p><p></p><p>Also I always like to remind parents to remember that our "children" are entitled to their feelings no matter how screwy we may see them. He has the right to be angry, to rant and rage with his feelings even when they don't make sense to others. That is the right of every human being. Having said that you also have the right to your own feelings and to be free from being manipulated by the feelings of your child. So is summary, he has the right to his feelings and you have the right to ignore them and do what is the right thing to do for you (no responsibility to cave to his feelings, rantings or demands)</p><p></p><p>If you do not learn to detach and move on to the happy life you deserve, years will pass by and you will be dealing with the rants and the raging of a 60 year old when you are in your 80's. Sounds wonderful? NOT!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 647822, member: 18366"] At 30, there isn't much more left to do. This adult "child" is just that, stuck in perpetual adolescence. There is nothing more left to do by anyone but your son to turn his life around. I do believe in the new psychological term "delayed adolescence" bu you son is way past that age. He has made his choice that life is too hard so he is just not going to participate - doing so now at his own peril. I don't know anything that you can do with someone who doesn't want to help themselves AND has an entitled attitude. I think anything that you would choose to do to help him would always be a one time effort on your part because your adult child clearly doesn't want to help himself. Because he has no insight about his motives and issues, the only tool he has left in his toolbox is to blame others for his life choices. Don't fall for it. Read the article on detachment here on the site. Also realize that your son is going to escalate mental and emotional abuse (yes the same kind as in other domestic violence situations) any time you don't give into whatever he wants from you. At 30, you have done your job as a parent. As for him, you too must put away childish things - like giving in to temper tantrums. Also I always like to remind parents to remember that our "children" are entitled to their feelings no matter how screwy we may see them. He has the right to be angry, to rant and rage with his feelings even when they don't make sense to others. That is the right of every human being. Having said that you also have the right to your own feelings and to be free from being manipulated by the feelings of your child. So is summary, he has the right to his feelings and you have the right to ignore them and do what is the right thing to do for you (no responsibility to cave to his feelings, rantings or demands) If you do not learn to detach and move on to the happy life you deserve, years will pass by and you will be dealing with the rants and the raging of a 60 year old when you are in your 80's. Sounds wonderful? NOT! [/QUOTE]
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