adult/child ettiquette

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Kids came in 15 minutes or so before I did today and were happily watching a show together when I got in the house. I wanted to watch the superbowl, so I let them be and went to the tv in my room to watch.

    So what's the ettiquette in your house, difficult child's considered?

    Do adults rule the tv? Or do you respect the person that's already settled in in front of it?
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, when difficult child was younger, as in elementary school age, we only had a tv in the LR and my BR so I made sure if he was awake that only family oriented shows were turned on- suitable for young children. Usuaully I was busy so he could choose what channel was on in the LR when he watched but if I sat down to watch something, then I explained that it was my turn- this didn't happen too often. On Sunday afternoons though, I normally did laundry and said we needed to find something we both like (animal planet or an old sit-com on nickelodeon) while I folded clothes or we ate a snack together.

    Right before he went to middle school, we moved to a bigger house and had a bonus room that I call a game room for him. So if I'm not in the LR he could watch what he wanted as long as it was age-appropriate but if I came to the LR, it's either family time meaning that we watch a movie or both have to like the show, or I tell him it's my time to watch XXX and he can go to his game room to watch tv or do something else. I tried to call this at least a day ahead of time so it wouldn't seem mean.

    That extra room for kids goes a long way if you can arrange it. If not, I would have either called the time for tv ahead of time or done exactly what you did. in my humble opinion, it would have been perfectly fine for you to tell them a day or two ago that the Super Bowl would be turned on tonight and if they wanted to watch it too, fine, if they didn't then they could find something else to do. But I've been accused of being too controlling so keep that in mind.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    If there's only one TV, the adults get it. If there is a difficult child involved, they get as much warning as possible. If I HAVE to watch TV, I call from my cell ph on the way home to give my difficult child time to disengage.
    (When I absolutely HAVE to watch, it's when a friend or family member is on a cable talk show, someone's baby has a cameo appearance on a daytime soap, or doG forbid, a 9-11 happens.)
    If there is more than one TV, no problem. Let them continue what they're watching, and tell them you get it when their show is over, assuming it's a better, bigger TV.
    So many things are online now, it's not worth arguing about TV nowdays.
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    When the show was over, Wee readily turned over the tv to the superbowl. husband was ticked, tho, cause he wanted the superbowl on in the living room sooner. He didn't want to move rooms (tho he didn't say anything til after-the-fact).

    I don't mind occassionally pulling rank and booting someone from my preferred chair or taking over the LR tv because I am the adult. But, in my opinion, that's an exception, not the rule when I can just as easily watch in my room as uproot someone, teen, or difficult child.
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2010
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Miss KT pretty much watches in her room now, and we have the living room TV. Hubby and I don't have a TV in our room. If there's a program in progress, though, we usually finish the program before changing the channel.
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    The TV in the living room is mine. I don't have one in my room and the kids do. When the kids were younger and didn't have a tv in their rooms, it was generally what the kids wanted to watch except for Thursday nights (remember Thursday night NBC...Friends, ER, etc?). I didn't watch tv enough for it to be an issue. I still don't watch tv much - usually only late at night when everyone is already in bed and I DVR what I do watch.

    I also have MY chair in the kitchen and MY spot on the couch. Kids and animals both have to move.
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We follow mutual respect rules, pretty much. In other words, we give plenty of notice unless it's an emergency (such as someone we know on TV, for example). We treat difficult child with the same respect we want him to learn to show to us and others. Generally, we negotiate. But we have multiple TVs, so unless there si a really good reason for difficult child 3 to watch what he wants on the main TV, he gets sent to watch his show elsewhere.

    HOWEVER - it IS our TV and not his, we sometimes pull rank on this. He gts plenty of freedom to have his choice, so when we do get to say, "OK, this itme I insist," he's fairly good about it, as long as we give him time to transition. Ad breaks are a good time to change over TVs.

    One really important rule though - because our main TV (the new, big one) is in the family room whcih is off the kitchen, we have "Cook's Privilege" which means, whatever the cook wants to watch, gets put on TV. The same rule applies in the car with the driver having the right to choose what gets played over the sound system. The driver is also the final arbitrator in games played in the car.

    The interesting side of Cook's Privilege - if difficult child 3 is cooking something, he gets the right to choose! We found with the other kids, it was one more incentive for them to cook the evening meal sometimes.

  8. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    We have a big screen t.v. in the living room with satellite. So it's the one most want to watch. We have a t.v. in my bedroom with basic cable as well.

    The rule here is kind of flexible. We tend to watch family programming during hours easy child is around since she is only 10. However, if there is a program S/O or I really want to watch that is not age appropriate, if we can't catch it later on timeshifting, we have easy child watch in my bedroom or go play in her room. We try to avoid this but sometimes its something we really want to watch.

    difficult child has complete dibs on the bedroom t.v. when there is a basketball game on that is important to him. Its his only "request" for t.v., the basketball games, so there is no fighting if someone else wanted to watch that t.v. He gets it. Period. Only fair since otherwise it is always usually easy child or the adults deciding.

    When easy child wants to watch cartoons all day long however, we do step in and either shut it off (only so many hours you can have cartoon voices playing in the background) or we do the 'dvd only rule'. And the rule for that is only dvd's that even the adults would like if we are also in the living room.
  9. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    We have the largest tv in the living room. There is a small one in the kitchen, one in the basement and one in Missy's room. During the day, the kids pretty much have the run of the tv in the living room and I rarely watch during the day. Every so often, though, I'll want to sit down on the couch. They are usually watching something they've seen a dozen or more times, so I don't feel bad about turning it off (like the same icarly). If they are watching a movie, I won't change it.

    At night, after dinner, it's husband and my turn. We want to sit and watch tv, so their shows get the boot. However, we won't watch something that isn't child friendly, so they still benefit. They don't like when we watch 'boring' stuff, though and they have the option of using one of the other tvs.
  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    We usually just try to use courtesy. If someone is watching something, then the other finds a different place to watch.
    Occasionally, if it's something we planned on watching like the Superbowl then the others who are not interested usually go to another room.
    No one owns the tv rights but each of us seems to gravitate to a specific tv.

    I expect difficult child and husband and myself of course, to defer to nonna. : ) She has limited mobility and poor health. She shouldn't be expected to move to another room for SB or anything else. Fortunately, she isn't a big tv watcher if it isn't HSN.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    :D I LOVE this thread. Believe it or not, we have never had a problem with televisions. makes me feel like we are PP! ;) DDD
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I guess I operate like Marg. I try to model how I want my kids to treat others, except on rare occassions when I do "pull rank". And that's what I call it. We, too, have driver's choice, and when the tv was visible from the kitchen, cook's choice.

    Thihs wasn't a problem. Just another little drop in the bucket with husband and I wondered how others handled it.
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2010
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Like DDD, we've never really had any issues with the TV. Neither girl had a TV in thier room until they were 16 and they were not allowed to watch tv all evening anyway, so during the afterschool/homework hours up until bedtime, they could watch tv, but often they didn't.

    Our approach to tv these days, if one of the girls is watching in the living room, is they were there first, unless it's something important. Otherwise, they can watch in their rooms.

    Thankfully, we never gave the tv that much control over ourselves though - it was sort of 'just there'. And difficult child didn't have a problem with us turning it off ever that I can recall. I feel so lucky!
  14. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    We have an informal arrangement where kids get to choose during the day and the adults get their programming starting with the evening news...
  15. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Since husband is the biggest difficult child, he gets the tv and his chair. He will watch the kids play the Wii, he really seems to enjoy that. husband is spoiled, spoiled, spoiled.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We have three TV's in my house: Family room, my bedroom and Billy's bedroom. All on satellite. Normally during the day I am the one who is home and watching in the family room so I get dibs on it, however if Tony or Keyana are here, they can have it. Billy watches all his TV in his room unless he particularly wants to be out in the rest of the house which is rare. I get ALL say on what goes on in my

    Now I will say that if a football game or NASCAR race is on and I happen to be out in the family room, that is on the TV and no one is turning it. That is the rule. It just normally happens that eventually I will end up going to my room to lay down at some point but I sometimes start out watching the sport on the big screen. I pay for the
  17. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Something I meant to add - we had one main TV, plus a TV in the parents' room. Then we got a TV card in the computer, which brought it up to three. difficult child 1 wanted to play computer games on the TV and we were reluctant to let him have too much game time, especially at a time when we wanted to watch TV. We had a few fights about it but were also trying to limit the gaming. With difficult child 1 a legal adult with his own money (a disability pension) which we had limited as much as we could, there wasn't a lot we could do when difficult child 1 found an old TV being thrown out by a neighbour, and brought it home in the wheelbarrow. He brought a couple of friends home from school to help him carry the TV - it was rather funny, these same friends were ones I had banned from our house a few years earlier, for their disrespect of difficult child 3; they waited outside after having helped difficult child 1 home with the old TV. I realised it had cost them a lot financially as well as in time, to travel to our place from their "mainland" school. And there they were, still not daring to come inside our house until I said, "It's OK, fellas. Come on in."

    They helped difficult child 1 set up the old TV and then played a game. And they were on their best behaviour with difficult child 3. The ban was permanently lifted from that day. I was a bit cranky about the TV though - we had been saying to difficult child 1, "You can't permanently plug your computer games into the TV until you get a TV of your own," knowing he couldn't afford one. Then someone GIVES him one! I wasn't expecting that.

    But it did increase the number of TVs in the house. Some years later when difficult child 1 got a job, one of the first things he bought, was a new (digital) TV. It's the one he and daughter in law now have. The old TV got put outside, but was almost immediately "adopted" by the kid over the road.

    I think it's in the garage. No car in that garage - just the kids' play room.

  18. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Rarely did we run into a problem (always considered television as respite ;):D). If there is a program I'm intent on watching I let kt know when she gets home from school. She can go upstairs to the tv room up there & watch if she chooses not to join me.

  19. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Me, too. Wee didn't watch tv AT ALL til he was about 4, with the exception of occassionally watching the Fox and the Hound movie (aka "bark bark" - which is what he called it back in the day before he had much language). Emphasis on occassionally. I am still grateful when he's willing to sit in front of it for a while. He rarely SITS anywhere.