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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 752263" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>It isn't your fault . You did not cause any of his mental health issues (and alcoholism/addiction is a disease as well), you can't control them, and you cannot cure them. To take on blame for this is to disempower yourself . You will act out of obligation, fear, and guilt rather from a place of strength, power of example, and self respect. You did the best you could do as a Mother with the tools you had at the time. You can't change the past. You have control only over you: your thoughts, feelings and actions. To blame yourself is to freeze yourself into place. When you find acceptance for yourself , you can move forward and that feels so much better! </p><p></p><p>The best thing we can do for our loved ones is to show them how to have self respect, healthy boundaries, and how to live from a place of power inside rather than as a victim. In this way, we do not contribute to their disease. The self love we develop as a result of living this is the biggest gift you can ever give yourself and others .</p><p></p><p>I understand how you feel about religion .I was/am the same way. I have come to understand that my understanding of spirituality was all wrong. Al-Anon is a spiritual program, not a religious one and your relationship with a Higher Power is up to you and only defined by you . The truth is we all chose a Higher Power by the way we live, think and feel. When I was solely focused on the alcoholic(s) in my life, I had made them my Higher Power. My Higher Power is anything that I allow to control my life, that which my thoughts dwell on. </p><p></p><p>It's okay to not feel ready. You are where you are and all is well .</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 752263, member: 24254"] It isn't your fault . You did not cause any of his mental health issues (and alcoholism/addiction is a disease as well), you can't control them, and you cannot cure them. To take on blame for this is to disempower yourself . You will act out of obligation, fear, and guilt rather from a place of strength, power of example, and self respect. You did the best you could do as a Mother with the tools you had at the time. You can't change the past. You have control only over you: your thoughts, feelings and actions. To blame yourself is to freeze yourself into place. When you find acceptance for yourself , you can move forward and that feels so much better! The best thing we can do for our loved ones is to show them how to have self respect, healthy boundaries, and how to live from a place of power inside rather than as a victim. In this way, we do not contribute to their disease. The self love we develop as a result of living this is the biggest gift you can ever give yourself and others . I understand how you feel about religion .I was/am the same way. I have come to understand that my understanding of spirituality was all wrong. Al-Anon is a spiritual program, not a religious one and your relationship with a Higher Power is up to you and only defined by you . The truth is we all chose a Higher Power by the way we live, think and feel. When I was solely focused on the alcoholic(s) in my life, I had made them my Higher Power. My Higher Power is anything that I allow to control my life, that which my thoughts dwell on. It's okay to not feel ready. You are where you are and all is well . [/QUOTE]
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