Adult daughter is very abusive, but I want to maintain a relationship with my granddaughter


New Member
My twenty-four year old daughter has a personality disorder and substance abuse issues. She is severely verbally and sometimes physically abusive towards me. The names she calls me and things that she says are reprehensible. CPS has been involved with her and my granddaughter off and on since her birth nineteen months ago. The baby was born addicted to Xanax, Methadone and had marijuana and nicotine in her system. I moved across country recently to be near the baby and may daughter uses her against me, and also withholds her from me whenever she is mad which is frequently. After a benign conversation with her tonight, she (for the ten thousanth time) told me to go suck a d*ick and I’d never see the baby again. She relentlessly calls me names, blows cigarette smoke in my face and pulls my hair. She even went into my apartment leasing office and told them I lied on my application and was a prostitute. She sees nothing wrong with this repugnant behavior. If it weren’t for my granddaughter, I would never speak to her again. But, I love my granddaughter so much. I am the only non drug addict and crazy person in her life.


Well-Known Member
Is child protective services involved? I would assume they are if the child was born addicted.

I would document everything. Get a notebook and write down every time you get your granddaughter. Take photos of things that might be a health/safety issue. Plus, if the child has a bruise...she found blame you for it.

I wish you had more power...but us grandmas don't, at least in most states.

The grandchild comes first. If your daughter threatens you or pulls your hair, make a report. You will need a paper trail.

I hope others have more to offer than I do. Ksm


Well-Known Member
If you are interested, let CPS know that in case daughter does something to lose custody, and it sounds like she could, that you would like to take baby. Otherwise she will go to foster care.

Baby was born with many drugs in her. Babies whose birthmothers take drugs and drink during pregnancy are at HIGH risk for both learning and behavioral problems, sometimes even organic brain damage. She is going to need better parenting than Daughter will know how to give. I adopted a baby who was born just with coke in his system and he was autistic and needed consistency, early intervention and an advocate for him at school. I am surprised Daughter still has custody of she is still using. Be aware that this could change at any time.

Please be prepared. But I would mostly deal with CPS, not Daughter. She will use this baby against you until she loses custody, if she does. You don't need her abuse. If she isn't taking care of Baby and you see it, do tell the CPS worker. Baby deserves to be safe.


Well-Known Member
She's in desperate need of counseling for various problems. Because of the substance abuse, did the judge mandate counseling or therapy? It would be good if she would agree for you both to go to counseling together.


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I do not have any experience with this but wanted to offer my support.

Others here are very knowledgeable and will offer you great advice.