COM, I certainly understand why you go around writing everything down. If I tried that here at home, my poor husband would have a hard time. He does best when not reminded about any of this mess, and (as I am sure you understand) if he is sad or upset, it is hard on us both. I, however, do write a lot on my own which is good for me. I haven't thought too much about what I would do or say to her because I am concentrating on preventing any contact with her. Her dad and I were talking about it last night and he said he doesn't think she will show up here and I told him I totally disagree. Why wouldn't she? Once she knows the police and DA are after her and they have more proof than she could ever imagine, she will think that the only thing standing between her and prison are her parents. If she thinks she has even a remote possiblity of talking us into dropping the charges she will pull out all the stops. THAT is what I am trying to avoid.
Looking back on my relationship with our daughter over the years I remember that I always told her that my worst day with her was a million times better than my best day without her. I really felt that way.
Now that I know what she has done, when I look back over the past few years, my mind is flooded with many scenarios that are so representative of her ongoing lies, games, or deliberately hurtful behavior. Lies she told and games she played in order to cover up her actions and confuse others. Hurtful behaviors she engaged in that one can assume were for the purpose of inflicting pain. It is hard for anyone to understand unless I provide some examples, so I summarized them for the police and the psychiatrist so that they had more than just the facts I had gathered and submitted in my reports. Here is one of them:
" Macys-As described in the Macys report I wrote and submitted to the police, our daughter claimed she was working at Macys beginning in fall of 2008. She claimed she had the Macy’s job up until November 2011 when the baby was born.She told me her job consisted of making sales, organizing merchandize on the floors, cleaning up dressing rooms, and cataloguing merchandize after hours. Her hours “fluctuated depending on her school schedule and their need for her to come in.” Frequently she and I would be together and she would get a call that she claimed was “her supervisor calling her into work.” We would drop everything and she would “go to work.” I remember telling her how proud I was for her being so responsive and how important that was.
During her “employment” with Macys, she described multiple perks that Macys afforded their employees. First of all, she said they would “work around her college classes.” Part of this time she was supposedly attending classes at a localCommunity College and later transferred to universityas a communications major.
She also said Macys was “a great employer.” They “provided their employees with a certain number of vouchers each month for discounted plane tickets” and even though they were distributed on a first come, first served basis, she was “frequently lucky” enough to snag them for Jude and her or for her dad and I. She said that for trips around the holidays the competition was “always stiff but her supervisor liked her so she saved vouchers for her.” According to her, the vouchers were typically for flights on Southwest airlines and fares varied between $99 and $199 round trip. Whenever she got flight vouchers for her dad and me, she “made the reservations directly with the airlines” because she said she “had to give them her employee number and other information.” Each time she purchased a flight for us we would reimburse her for the price of the discounted fare, appreciative of the supposed discount especially in light of our financial problems. After the identity theft came to light, I went to Macys and found out she had never been employed there so clearly there were no travel vouchers. Moreover, my bank statements revealed that not only was I paying full fare for all of her dad’s and my flights, we were also paying full fare for flights for her and Jude as well. In the case of her dad and me, that meant we were paying full fare plus the cost associated with the non-existent Macy’s “travel voucher” that we had reimbursed her for.
She also told me about the Macys “back room”. This was an area in the store where “merchandize that had been slightly damaged, slightly stained or otherwise not saleable was stored until it was either shipped to one of their outlets or overseas.” Macys “always gave their employees the opportunity to purchase items in the “back room” at a 80%-90% discount.” She sometimes brought items home for me to see, such as clothes for her and her husband, or occasionally, items for me. I always paid her for the things she brought me. At one point, I asked her if they ever had electronics because I was looking for a small color TV for her dad to replace the one in our office and one for the house in PA. She said they occasionally did have electronics, but she was not sure if and when any color TVs might be available. Within a few days she told me about two 19” TVs there in the “back room”. She said she asked the floor manager about them and was told that “he thought one was sold but that the other was available.” A few days later she told me that they were “both available” and she brought them home. I paid her $129 for each. Since she never worked at Macys, she never had access to any “back room” or otherwise discounted merchandize. In the case of the TVs, I paid for them twice. First when she purchased them with my bank funds and then when I reimbursed her for the “discounted” price.
She always said that Macys “was active in the New York fashion week that takes place each year in February.” For two years she claimed that they “had sent her as a reward for her good work.” She said she was “simply supposed to go there and just do whatever gopher work needed to be done, but that it was an honor to be included.” One year she said she would be “attending some sort of dinner and fashion show and even though she would be working back stage she needed to dress up.” We went to the Galleria and I helped her shop for a dress. We found a beautiful blue one she liked at Cache and I bought it for her for her birthday. She thought it was too long so I took the dress home and hemmed it for her. Once I got all my bank statements and could view her postings on Facebook I determined that she indeed had been in NYC that February. Of course, since she was not working for Macys, she was in no way connected to Fashion Week, but was simply in New York for a vacation (That was in 2010 which was when I was in PA taking care of my critically ill mother for several months. She made arrangements to fly into Pittsburgh and stay for two days on her way to her “job” at fashion week.) I remember being so proud of her, not only for her supposed good work for Macys, but also for taking time to stop and visit with my mother and me on the way there.
In October 2010 the mall had a fire that caused extensive damage to many of the stores there, including Macys. Sheclaimed she was “supposed to go into work but that she had gotten a call not to come in because of the fire.” She told me she was worried about not having a job but that her supervisor, whom she had pointed out to me several times in the store, had told her that “many of the employees would be redirected to other stores as soon as possible.” Within several days she told me she had “gotten a call and they were redirecting her to another store.” She supposedly worked there until she got called back to her mall. She claimed she often had to work off hours and late at night. When I expressed concern for her safety walking to her car late at night she told me not to worry that she “made sure the security guard walked her out each night.” As I now know that she never worked at any Macy’s store for even a day, I can only attribute her vast, unnecessary elaborations to a genuine love of lying, or of “pulling one over” on her unsuspecting mother.
There was one particular occasion when I went with her into a Macys dressing room while she was trying on clothes. When she left the dressing room she left multiple items hanging there. I asked her if she was going to take them back out and return them to the appropriate racks. She replied, “Absolutely not, I have to do enough of that when I am working.” Obviously she didn’t since she never worked there.
In February 2012, I gave her $50 in cash and asked her to pick me up a Macys gift card for my sister-in-law’s birthday. She gave me the card the next day and I mailed it out with a birthday card. A few months ago, my brother told me that when my sister-in-law tried to use it, the sales person told her it was only worth $15. It appears clear now that Andrea bought only a $15 card and kept the rest of the money I gave her. I immediately sent my sister-in-law another new card."
Sorry, I know that is a long example but it is pretty indicative. There are many more. Unlike your son and the difficult child others have spoken about, she has no drug, alcohol, gambling, etc. addictions. She has just made a conscious decision to be the person she is.
COM, you are correct, the waiting is tough. Just today the detective told me they are having problems accessing the IP addresses for the fraudulent emails and asked me to send him detailed instructions on how I was able to access them. I love this guy, but if he is asking me for tech advice, we may be in trouble.
Thank you so much for the hugs and prayers. Sending the same your way.
Jeanne
