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<blockquote data-quote="Halogen Lights" data-source="post: 724199" data-attributes="member: 22536"><p>In raising five children as a single mom after divorcing - all achievements were phenomenal I have believed. Two daughters were talented and gifted students who were the youngest children in attending college on their campuses. One daughter bought a home at age 22. My sons are loving and kind and resourceful. All the children are high-achievers who excel in sports and their education / career pursuits.</p><p></p><p>We were always very close and seemed like a duck with ducklings is the best explanation.</p><p></p><p>Dad was intelligent but abusive and I left when the children were very young.</p><p></p><p>During their upbringing I provided each of them with their own personal space. Always had to have 4, 5 and 6 bedroom homes. Often I slept on the sofa in order to ensure they had their own space and privacy.</p><p></p><p>My sons and I are very close. We enjoy one another's company. The odd thing is, I felt the girls and I connected more over the course of time and we were very close as well until the past ten years - ten years ago we were all good. One daughter's husband complains his parents call each weekend but then compares that I do not - if I do they don't answer the telephone. In fact, one-half of the time they don't answer when his parents call.</p><p></p><p>My daughters now are anything but.</p><p></p><p>My friends say I should just blaze ahead and let them work out their own journey but it hurts. With Facebook they are friends, then not friends, then friends . . . over my lifetime I've done so much. If I share how much I've done the girls say, "Oh you are full of excuses." I don't even know what they mean by that. If they discuss the past and then I answer by saying, "Well, you know XYZ. . ." They then suggest I should be more attentive but when I reach out they are rude and belligerent.</p><p></p><p>My sons want nothing to do with their sisters and are both angry they are acting the way they are.</p><p></p><p>All the children are solid adults with good lives. They have their foibles but they are doing well, productive, families, quality adults . . . I just don't understand.</p><p></p><p>I do know my sister and I had angst for some years and she bends the girls' ears. Then they talk among themselves. One daughter has a disability along the lines of anxiety and she continuously relives the past but projects it bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until her memories don't map to real-life events - then she shares that with the world and paints me as a horrid person and people meet me and are surprised to see I'm not that person and quite the opposite. Two daughters call me by my given name rudely. One started after beginning to talk with the other lately. Another has a career with the government and I believe has been instructed to distance herself from family in general.</p><p></p><p>We come from a very good family with good heritage and good ethics. I raised the children attending our church. I wasn't overly dogmatic. Given them freedom of choice.</p><p></p><p>I feel their commentary is nasty, rude and abusive. Am I selfish to just move forward and not reach out or should I write monthly or send cards and then just let time pass?</p><p></p><p>I'm so confused and sad about this but I have my own life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Halogen Lights, post: 724199, member: 22536"] In raising five children as a single mom after divorcing - all achievements were phenomenal I have believed. Two daughters were talented and gifted students who were the youngest children in attending college on their campuses. One daughter bought a home at age 22. My sons are loving and kind and resourceful. All the children are high-achievers who excel in sports and their education / career pursuits. We were always very close and seemed like a duck with ducklings is the best explanation. Dad was intelligent but abusive and I left when the children were very young. During their upbringing I provided each of them with their own personal space. Always had to have 4, 5 and 6 bedroom homes. Often I slept on the sofa in order to ensure they had their own space and privacy. My sons and I are very close. We enjoy one another's company. The odd thing is, I felt the girls and I connected more over the course of time and we were very close as well until the past ten years - ten years ago we were all good. One daughter's husband complains his parents call each weekend but then compares that I do not - if I do they don't answer the telephone. In fact, one-half of the time they don't answer when his parents call. My daughters now are anything but. My friends say I should just blaze ahead and let them work out their own journey but it hurts. With Facebook they are friends, then not friends, then friends . . . over my lifetime I've done so much. If I share how much I've done the girls say, "Oh you are full of excuses." I don't even know what they mean by that. If they discuss the past and then I answer by saying, "Well, you know XYZ. . ." They then suggest I should be more attentive but when I reach out they are rude and belligerent. My sons want nothing to do with their sisters and are both angry they are acting the way they are. All the children are solid adults with good lives. They have their foibles but they are doing well, productive, families, quality adults . . . I just don't understand. I do know my sister and I had angst for some years and she bends the girls' ears. Then they talk among themselves. One daughter has a disability along the lines of anxiety and she continuously relives the past but projects it bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until her memories don't map to real-life events - then she shares that with the world and paints me as a horrid person and people meet me and are surprised to see I'm not that person and quite the opposite. Two daughters call me by my given name rudely. One started after beginning to talk with the other lately. Another has a career with the government and I believe has been instructed to distance herself from family in general. We come from a very good family with good heritage and good ethics. I raised the children attending our church. I wasn't overly dogmatic. Given them freedom of choice. I feel their commentary is nasty, rude and abusive. Am I selfish to just move forward and not reach out or should I write monthly or send cards and then just let time pass? I'm so confused and sad about this but I have my own life. [/QUOTE]
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