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Adult siblings mooching off of our folks
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<blockquote data-quote="in a daze" data-source="post: 708285" data-attributes="member: 15832"><p>You are in a really difficult position. Maybe seeing a family therapist would help you hold your boundaries and give you a guideline for dealing with your parents and the entrenched siblings.</p><p></p><p>We have dealt with some extreme enabling ourselves in my husbands family. It is so frustrating to watch the elderly parents give, and give, and give several hundred thousand dollars to one brother and his two children, and not being able to do anything about it...grandma and grampa think they are "helping" when they are really just fostering dependency. Unbeknownst to them and most of the family, one grandchild spent most of the money on cocaine and prostitutes. </p><p></p><p>Most of the mooching has stopped now that Grandpa is deceased and my husband is now in control of the estate (poor Grandpa died in an accident and there was a settlement). Now the siblings are fighting over the distributions and the one who is the most contentious is, of course, the enabled son. Who would have thought???</p><p></p><p>I don't know if there's much you can do except to set your boundaries about them moving in with you. It's kind of a fine line...when does support of adult children slide into the realm of financial manipulation/elder abuse? Many communities have Departments of Aging which will have a a social worker come out and do an evaluation. </p><p></p><p>I wish you the best in dealing with all of this... </p><p></p><p>Daze</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="in a daze, post: 708285, member: 15832"] You are in a really difficult position. Maybe seeing a family therapist would help you hold your boundaries and give you a guideline for dealing with your parents and the entrenched siblings. We have dealt with some extreme enabling ourselves in my husbands family. It is so frustrating to watch the elderly parents give, and give, and give several hundred thousand dollars to one brother and his two children, and not being able to do anything about it...grandma and grampa think they are "helping" when they are really just fostering dependency. Unbeknownst to them and most of the family, one grandchild spent most of the money on cocaine and prostitutes. Most of the mooching has stopped now that Grandpa is deceased and my husband is now in control of the estate (poor Grandpa died in an accident and there was a settlement). Now the siblings are fighting over the distributions and the one who is the most contentious is, of course, the enabled son. Who would have thought??? I don't know if there's much you can do except to set your boundaries about them moving in with you. It's kind of a fine line...when does support of adult children slide into the realm of financial manipulation/elder abuse? Many communities have Departments of Aging which will have a a social worker come out and do an evaluation. I wish you the best in dealing with all of this... Daze [/QUOTE]
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Adult siblings mooching off of our folks
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