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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 549172" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Payla. I'm sorry you had to find us, but I'm glad you did. Many of us understand your predicament, we've been there. It is a very difficult decision to detach from your child, no matter how old they are. I'm happy to know you have a therapist, because you need all the support you can muster up. I'd find a codependency CoDa 12 step group too, you may need more support then you presently have. </p><p></p><p>I have a 39 year old daughter who has mental issues and I just recently had to do what you're in the process of doing, setting very strict boundaries with her and the lifestyle she leads. Ultimately, after getting her hooked up with the local Mental Health org. which can get her help with housing, jobs, education, medications, health care, etc. I had to distance myself from her lifestyle choices. It was way too much intensity and drama. By making sure she was set up with all the services that would assist her, I was able to let go at that point. It was a process of systematically detaching little by little with a lot of support. I don't know if she is availing herself to those services, however, she is honoring my request to not involve me in her drama and not contact me unless she has a job and she is in therapy.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't sound as if your son is honoring any of your requests which makes it more challenging. I don't believe there is any right way or wrong way to detach from our kids, we all have to find our way through and figure out how we can do this amazingly challenging feat. It takes time and truckloads of help, in my opinion. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.</p><p></p><p> Of course you need peace, you deserve that. He doesn't have a right to rob you of your life. It sounds to me as if you are doing all the appropriate things with this last one of the restraining order perhaps being the final piece.<strong> It IS hard, </strong>there is no way around that, what becomes necessary is for you to focus on yourself and your life and let him sink or swim in his. I am truly sorry, I know how much it hurts and breaks your heart. Hang in there, keep posting, do kind things for yourself, get lots of support.((( HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 549172, member: 13542"] Welcome Payla. I'm sorry you had to find us, but I'm glad you did. Many of us understand your predicament, we've been there. It is a very difficult decision to detach from your child, no matter how old they are. I'm happy to know you have a therapist, because you need all the support you can muster up. I'd find a codependency CoDa 12 step group too, you may need more support then you presently have. I have a 39 year old daughter who has mental issues and I just recently had to do what you're in the process of doing, setting very strict boundaries with her and the lifestyle she leads. Ultimately, after getting her hooked up with the local Mental Health org. which can get her help with housing, jobs, education, medications, health care, etc. I had to distance myself from her lifestyle choices. It was way too much intensity and drama. By making sure she was set up with all the services that would assist her, I was able to let go at that point. It was a process of systematically detaching little by little with a lot of support. I don't know if she is availing herself to those services, however, she is honoring my request to not involve me in her drama and not contact me unless she has a job and she is in therapy. It doesn't sound as if your son is honoring any of your requests which makes it more challenging. I don't believe there is any right way or wrong way to detach from our kids, we all have to find our way through and figure out how we can do this amazingly challenging feat. It takes time and truckloads of help, in my opinion. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Of course you need peace, you deserve that. He doesn't have a right to rob you of your life. It sounds to me as if you are doing all the appropriate things with this last one of the restraining order perhaps being the final piece.[B] It IS hard, [/B]there is no way around that, what becomes necessary is for you to focus on yourself and your life and let him sink or swim in his. I am truly sorry, I know how much it hurts and breaks your heart. Hang in there, keep posting, do kind things for yourself, get lots of support.((( HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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