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Substance Abuse
Adult son living at home breaking house rules
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 763658" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi As123, </p><p>I agree, addiction sucks. </p><p></p><p>This about says it all for many of us here, how simple, for the addicted adult child, that is. For us, it is maddening, house rules not followed plus the chaos and drama that go hand in hand with an actively using loved one.</p><p></p><p>That’s pretty scary. I hope he is not belligerent in your home.</p><p></p><p>Your house, your rules. It is a privilege for our adult children to live at home. If they don’t want to follow rules, they need to find their own space.</p><p></p><p>He is shifting focus towards you. This is common. Don’t buy into it.</p><p></p><p>If he was doing what he needs to do, he wouldn’t object to drug testing. He’s stalling. </p><p></p><p>He wants to do what he wants to do. It is typical for addicts to shift blame to parents. </p><p></p><p>He is not ready for change. I’m sorry.</p><p></p><p>They know the reality. By living in your home, your son is able to afford his bad choices.</p><p></p><p>I have heard others call this a “functioning addict”. Unfortunately, I have witnessed too many go from being able to hold down a job- to living on the streets. My late hubs and I spent many years trying to help our two daughters. They just spiraled and our house turned into a war zone. We were not equipped to stop the train wreck. Their living with us just made it easier for them to party. </p><p></p><p>House rules are for everyone. There are rules for everything, for living a good, decent life. As far as hard lining, or watch and see, that’s up to you. Only you know your situation. We all did what we felt we had to, everyone has different circumstances. Keep posting, there is much to be learned from other’s experiences and it is good to be able to communicate with folks who understand. If you decide that your son needs to leave your home, you are not kicking him out, you are giving him his wings. </p><p>Take care and do something good for you. This is an extremely stressful situation. Keep learning about addiction and fortifying yourself. Make sure you get the rest you need. </p><p>Gentle hugs,</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 763658, member: 19522"] Hi As123, I agree, addiction sucks. This about says it all for many of us here, how simple, for the addicted adult child, that is. For us, it is maddening, house rules not followed plus the chaos and drama that go hand in hand with an actively using loved one. That’s pretty scary. I hope he is not belligerent in your home. Your house, your rules. It is a privilege for our adult children to live at home. If they don’t want to follow rules, they need to find their own space. He is shifting focus towards you. This is common. Don’t buy into it. If he was doing what he needs to do, he wouldn’t object to drug testing. He’s stalling. He wants to do what he wants to do. It is typical for addicts to shift blame to parents. He is not ready for change. I’m sorry. They know the reality. By living in your home, your son is able to afford his bad choices. I have heard others call this a “functioning addict”. Unfortunately, I have witnessed too many go from being able to hold down a job- to living on the streets. My late hubs and I spent many years trying to help our two daughters. They just spiraled and our house turned into a war zone. We were not equipped to stop the train wreck. Their living with us just made it easier for them to party. House rules are for everyone. There are rules for everything, for living a good, decent life. As far as hard lining, or watch and see, that’s up to you. Only you know your situation. We all did what we felt we had to, everyone has different circumstances. Keep posting, there is much to be learned from other’s experiences and it is good to be able to communicate with folks who understand. If you decide that your son needs to leave your home, you are not kicking him out, you are giving him his wings. Take care and do something good for you. This is an extremely stressful situation. Keep learning about addiction and fortifying yourself. Make sure you get the rest you need. Gentle hugs, New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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