Adult Son On The Way Out Of The Door...sad, but neccessary.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rosepress, Jun 18, 2013.

  1. rosepress

    rosepress New Member

    I suppose I should be in the controlled substance section, and I have been since my son does smoke weed everyday and it has caused most of the problems he has, but its not the core, but here I go for advice or anyone who's story sounds like ours. My son is 19, will be 20 in Sept. He graduated last year with almost honors...always did good in school Has had ADHD/ODD as a child, but I know as an adult, it is no longer called ODD..but just wanted you to know this. Anyway. He was registered for college and a month before he was to graduate, he dropped the news on us that he didn't want to go "away" to college. We were all devastated, and lost some money, but we said ok, and was under the understanding that he would go to school "in town". Instead, his part time job turned into more hours and school was not even a thought. We were disappointed, but at least he was working.

    To make a LONG story short, he got an apt, was working many hours and had his own was tight, but he was hanging on by a thread. One day, 2 friends he had living with him, robbed him of money and other items, then to add even more bad luck, he was forced to be drug tested at work, lost his job of 4 years because he had weed in his system and refused to get help. Had he-went to rehab, he would have been able to keep his job and get randomly tested. He said he has NO plans of quitting smoking. With no apartment, he had to move in with us under the agreement he would either go to school or get another job. After being here for a few weeks, he totaled out his car and now has no means of transportation but me. His father told him that I could drive him to work and back, but that was all. He got a job in painting and seemed to be doing well until his "focusing" got the better part of him and cut himself and he was "let go" once again for screwing us a lot of jobs.(this is his 4th job). He needs to go to school. He is NOT a laborer...he has little common sense, but is so book smart. The weed, however, keeps him UNMOTIVATED. In the last month, he has had no job prospects, but always tells us he is "looking" which I don't know how he could between sleeping and eating all our food. He just recently went to a new doctor that we INSISTED he see to get on medication to help him focus. He went ONE time, takes the medicine whenever he feels like it and not everyday like he should.

    We were hoping that he would "get his act together" and grow up. but the other day he got angry with me which he hardly ever does and called me a name that I wish not to repeat, but it was very disrespectful. I was so hurt and mad, I walked over to him and told him that I hope that was worth it, and immediately turned off his phone. His father told him that he better never hear him call me ANYTHING like that again and told him that it was the end of the line.His dad, actually got in his face when my son talked back to him. Then he backed off. He is giving him until June 30th to either register for school or find a job...if he DOES NOT do either one...or even make an effort, he is out the door. I am with my husband on this. Where is he to go? We have NO idea. He has no where to go, no car, no money. My husband has already instructed the grandparents that they can not take him in. My husband and I went to someone for counceling & he agreed that we need to stop enabling him, but as a mom, I am depressed, tired, and wonder all the time where we went wrong. We taught him right from wrong, took him to church, gave him a safe, loving environment, but all we see is a immature, angry young man with a drug problem, but he insists weed is no big deal, and he has no self worth, no sense of urgency and doesn't want to grow up. We know he loves us, but we have to show him tough love...if it was easy, I suppose it wouldn't be called that. Anyone going through this? Im so sad but ready to "let go". God Bless.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Lots of us went through this or are going through this, b ut most of us are on Substance Abuse or Parent Emeritus. This is the forum for minor children. You may want to try posting there.

    Welcome to the board, but sorry you have to be here.