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Substance Abuse
Adult son still stealing from me, apparently for drugs
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 656605" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Welcome back, SAS. I am so sorry. I distinctly remember how I felt when I found out my son had stolen from me for the first time. He took my debit card, withdrew $60, and put the card back. I was extremely naive, still, at that point, and I spent some time trying to figure out who else could have done it. Of course, when confronted, he lied. And I kind of believed him (!!!). I even went to the bank and asked to see the video of the ATM machine. Poor me. That was just the beginning.</p><p></p><p>Then he stole money from our wallets, items to quickly pawn, like DVDs, CDs, a bike rack for the car still in the box, jewelry, valuable sports cards, his stepmother's family jewelry. </p><p></p><p>For me, that was a deal breaker. I can't live in the same house with someone I can't trust not to take everything that is movable in every single room in the house. </p><p></p><p>For a while, he lived at his dad's house, and his dad locked up all of his valuables he could in his car trunk.</p><p></p><p>That is no way to live.</p><p></p><p>SAS, please think about this: It's not personal, him stealing from you. He is driven by one thing: how to get more drugs. That is all-encompassing. He will do whatever he has to do. </p><p></p><p>My son also stole from other people, our neighbors and close friends, his friend's father, his employer.</p><p></p><p>Whatever and whenever he could. It's part of drug and alcohol addiction. </p><p></p><p>That doesn't mean it doesn't hit us hard. The day we went to Home Depot to get slide locks for all of the exterior doors, I cried and cried the entire time. It was devastating to think I had to barricade myself inside my home to keep my own son out. But it was true. It was reality. It was what it was. He could no longer live here, and to boot, I was in more danger of my possessions being gone from him than I was a total stranger. </p><p></p><p>Most of us who have had sons and daughters addicted to drugs and alcohol have had this happen to us too.</p><p></p><p>Go ahead and cry and grieve and feel all of the disappointment and fear and realization that this knowledge brings. You must feel your feelings in order to move through this and eventually heal from all of the chaos, hurt, despair and drama he is bringing to your life right now. </p><p></p><p>Then, when you are ready, face reality. This is where he is right now. He will change when he gets ready to change and not one minute before that. There is nothing you can say or do to make this happen any faster, except to start putting yourself and your family first, and setting healthy boundaries when it comes to him.</p><p></p><p>Are you ready to decide he can't live in your house anymore? At age 26, if he is functional, why should still be living there? </p><p></p><p>I gave my son multiple chances to stay in my home. He blew every single one of those chances, and the last time, I had written down (hahahahaha) my "rules", and he tore them up in my face. That was actually good for me to experience as it told me right where I stood. </p><p></p><p>I told him to get out and he packed a tote bag and walked off down the street. That was a very sad day for me, but it was the right thing to do. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for the pain. I so understand that pain. Please know we are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 656605, member: 17542"] Welcome back, SAS. I am so sorry. I distinctly remember how I felt when I found out my son had stolen from me for the first time. He took my debit card, withdrew $60, and put the card back. I was extremely naive, still, at that point, and I spent some time trying to figure out who else could have done it. Of course, when confronted, he lied. And I kind of believed him (!!!). I even went to the bank and asked to see the video of the ATM machine. Poor me. That was just the beginning. Then he stole money from our wallets, items to quickly pawn, like DVDs, CDs, a bike rack for the car still in the box, jewelry, valuable sports cards, his stepmother's family jewelry. For me, that was a deal breaker. I can't live in the same house with someone I can't trust not to take everything that is movable in every single room in the house. For a while, he lived at his dad's house, and his dad locked up all of his valuables he could in his car trunk. That is no way to live. SAS, please think about this: It's not personal, him stealing from you. He is driven by one thing: how to get more drugs. That is all-encompassing. He will do whatever he has to do. My son also stole from other people, our neighbors and close friends, his friend's father, his employer. Whatever and whenever he could. It's part of drug and alcohol addiction. That doesn't mean it doesn't hit us hard. The day we went to Home Depot to get slide locks for all of the exterior doors, I cried and cried the entire time. It was devastating to think I had to barricade myself inside my home to keep my own son out. But it was true. It was reality. It was what it was. He could no longer live here, and to boot, I was in more danger of my possessions being gone from him than I was a total stranger. Most of us who have had sons and daughters addicted to drugs and alcohol have had this happen to us too. Go ahead and cry and grieve and feel all of the disappointment and fear and realization that this knowledge brings. You must feel your feelings in order to move through this and eventually heal from all of the chaos, hurt, despair and drama he is bringing to your life right now. Then, when you are ready, face reality. This is where he is right now. He will change when he gets ready to change and not one minute before that. There is nothing you can say or do to make this happen any faster, except to start putting yourself and your family first, and setting healthy boundaries when it comes to him. Are you ready to decide he can't live in your house anymore? At age 26, if he is functional, why should still be living there? I gave my son multiple chances to stay in my home. He blew every single one of those chances, and the last time, I had written down (hahahahaha) my "rules", and he tore them up in my face. That was actually good for me to experience as it told me right where I stood. I told him to get out and he packed a tote bag and walked off down the street. That was a very sad day for me, but it was the right thing to do. I'm so sorry for the pain. I so understand that pain. Please know we are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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Adult son still stealing from me, apparently for drugs
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