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Parent Emeritus
Adults - but still children in our minds ?
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 76511" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Hmpff......not sure what my thoughts are. A couple of things come to mind though. One, is that I totally agree that as mother's we biologically are wired to nurture, protect, and care for our offspring when they are in need. Whether that is 2, 12, 20, or 40 - it the first thought that springs to not just our mind, but our body when our kids are in need. Unfortunately difficult children seem to be in constant "need", which triggers our maternal drive, constantly.</p><p></p><p>For me, I am not sure if I am stuck, yet, because my son is still 16 and at home......but already I can see where I baby him WAY too much, enable him WAY too much, and do not allow him to stand as an adult man, when is capable. Part of this could be, that for so many of us, our kids show us that they ARE incapable, time and time again - so we are literally working on a fact - our child needs help. They act like they are 12 when they are 17 - so we are simply responding to the reality presented to us. For me, I am having to constantly remind myself that - actually - he IS capable, smart, and able to do the task at hand. It is a lot of cognitive thinking, and self talk.</p><p></p><p>The last thought I have is that I am not sure this always applies to kids - but possibly loved ones. My Dad has stage 4 brain cancer, and is gravely ill. He and my mom have just decided to drive through the US on a vacation - and my Dad who has had seizures due to the brain tumor - is the one driving!!!!!! YIKES!!!!</p><p>For days, I felt like they were my kids - and wanted to talk them out of the trip, told them I was worried about the trip, and felt literally as if they were my kids making a really bad decision. Of course they went anyway, and are on it right now....so....what can I do? Except practice letting this go. Just like I practice letting my son go every day.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps this is all normal - it is just part of being a loving caring being in this world. And when one we love demonstrates behavior that is inappropriate, or immature - isn't it normal to instinctually want to nurture, coddle, or take care of them? However, "normal" does not always mean it is the right thing to do - and therefore causes us to have to use a lot of personal restraint in reigning in our emotions, mouths, and thoughts.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with this journey. You are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 76511, member: 3301"] Hmpff......not sure what my thoughts are. A couple of things come to mind though. One, is that I totally agree that as mother's we biologically are wired to nurture, protect, and care for our offspring when they are in need. Whether that is 2, 12, 20, or 40 - it the first thought that springs to not just our mind, but our body when our kids are in need. Unfortunately difficult children seem to be in constant "need", which triggers our maternal drive, constantly. For me, I am not sure if I am stuck, yet, because my son is still 16 and at home......but already I can see where I baby him WAY too much, enable him WAY too much, and do not allow him to stand as an adult man, when is capable. Part of this could be, that for so many of us, our kids show us that they ARE incapable, time and time again - so we are literally working on a fact - our child needs help. They act like they are 12 when they are 17 - so we are simply responding to the reality presented to us. For me, I am having to constantly remind myself that - actually - he IS capable, smart, and able to do the task at hand. It is a lot of cognitive thinking, and self talk. The last thought I have is that I am not sure this always applies to kids - but possibly loved ones. My Dad has stage 4 brain cancer, and is gravely ill. He and my mom have just decided to drive through the US on a vacation - and my Dad who has had seizures due to the brain tumor - is the one driving!!!!!! YIKES!!!! For days, I felt like they were my kids - and wanted to talk them out of the trip, told them I was worried about the trip, and felt literally as if they were my kids making a really bad decision. Of course they went anyway, and are on it right now....so....what can I do? Except practice letting this go. Just like I practice letting my son go every day. Perhaps this is all normal - it is just part of being a loving caring being in this world. And when one we love demonstrates behavior that is inappropriate, or immature - isn't it normal to instinctually want to nurture, coddle, or take care of them? However, "normal" does not always mean it is the right thing to do - and therefore causes us to have to use a lot of personal restraint in reigning in our emotions, mouths, and thoughts. Good luck with this journey. You are not alone. [/QUOTE]
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