advice about 7 year old son

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by seeker78, Dec 4, 2013.

  1. seeker78

    seeker78 New Member

    I've posted in here awhile ago but recently things have been hitting the fan. My son who is in 1st grade got a write up at school for bullying another kid in his class and when I talked to the principal, she said she thinks he is malicious and is afraid of what he'll do when he gets older. She also said he will be suspended if it happens again and that he can't stay that school if he keeps behaving this way. He has hit me several times when he doesn't get his way, nothing where I got hurt, but still. And then a week ago I was trying to really stick to my guns and hold him accountable, so we were going to my parent's house and he was acting up and gave him warnings, then just turned around and went home. He flipped out and when we got home, he took out a knife from the kitchen and was threatening me with it. I got him to put it down but very upsetting.
    I told my counselor about this today and she thinks he probably has some attachment issues and needs some real intensive help, like a therapeutic school or program. I'm taking him to his dr. soon to get him on ADHD medications. Just wondering if anyone has experience with counseling for attachment issues or has any suggestions. He is at a private school now and am considering moving to a public school because they don't have IEP's or counselors available. I was also wondering what people's experience was with these services at a public school-if they are helpful.
    Thank you!
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome.

    Can you give us some background on your son? Is he adopted? What were his first years like? Maybe some family history of known issues that run in the genetics?

    There could be other explanations for his behavior as well.
    Have you considered getting a comprehensive evaluation done?
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    If he pulled a knife on you because you stood your ground you need help NOW! While his intention may not be to hurt you, a knife is still dangerous and all it takes is ones wrong move for someone to end up hurt, or worse. My son pulled a knife this past spring and I called the police, who showed up within minutes! He was taken to the psychiatric unit and kept over night, which really did nothing to help me, but it scared the bejeezus out of difficult child!

    Does your son see a therapist? If so you must tell him or her what happened at your next appointment. They need to know what is going on so that you can be directed to the proper help. Who diagnosed him with ADHD? Are there any other diagnosis's?
  4. seeker78

    seeker78 New Member

    He is not adopted so it's embarrassing that he has these attachment issues. However, he was unexpected so my pregnancy with him was stressful. Me and his dad weren't really together, his dad didn't want me to have him. So I had a lot of mixed feelings about my pregnancy with him. I think I had post-partum when he was a baby. We lived with my parents when he was like 6 months to 1 1/2 and then lived with my mom until he was 2 1/2, she lived upstairs from us when he was 2 1/2 until about a year ago. For the past year, it has been just me and difficult child.

    His dad came around during the pregnancy and has been involved in his life. He has him 2 days/week. He is a lot more strict in his parenting style and I think too harsh at times. My parenting style has been more lenient which I'm working on.

    I've taken difficult child to a lot of different professionals. The latest psychologist did an evaluation with him and thinks ADHD.

    As far as family history goes, there's a lot. Me and his dad are in recovery for alcohol problems, I have had issues with anxiety, and depression. And in my family, there's history of substance abuse, depression, anxiety, ADHD. My brother had a lot of the same issues that my son is having when he was young. Very defiant, aggressive.

    Hope this is helpful.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there. We were just talking about attachment disorder in another thread (sigh). It is very difficult. Can you give us a background on your child's early years? Was he adopted? Did you get divorced when he was very tiny? Why do you think he has attachment problems? The more you tell us, the better we can direct you.

    I have a hard question to ask you, but did you drink when you were pregnant? There is no judging in the question. It is only for information.

    I would most definitely put him in a public school. Private schools do not have to offer any help at all. My kids went three years to a Catholic school and both had learning differences. It did not work out. Public school was far more helpful to both of them. Welcome to the board, but sorry you have to be here.
  6. seeker78

    seeker78 New Member

    Thanks, I'm thinking public school is probably the best way to go-his dad wants him to stay at Catholic school so it might be a fight.

    No problem, I didn't drink during his pregnancy, I was sober three months when I got pregnant.

    His early years...he was a very happy baby and pretty easy until he was about a year old. He was always very active, crawled and walked early. He has been aggressive for a long time, probably since he was 1, but when he went to daycare when he was about 2 1/2 they said he seemed to hurt others and not have a lot of empathy about it. There were a couple incidents in day care where he hit /scratched another kid and hurt them. I stayed home with him when I was in school at night for about a year when he was 6 months- 1 1/2 years old. After that, I was full-time work/school.

    He is very smart, does pretty well academically except being careless sometimes.

    I'm thinking attachment issues because that's what my counselor said when I told her today and just the aggressive behavior.
    I think other counselors have mentioned that possibility as well.
  7. Aimless

    Aimless New Member

    Hi Seeker78,
    So glad you are here because it means that you are trying to take care of yourself and that's the best gift you can give your son. I, too am in recovery, 15 years sober. Hit some meetings and keep working your program if you have one. Those life skills work for all of life's low points. : )

    I want you to know that I had a home day care for ten years and ALL kids hit, bite, predate, act selfishly, and show little remorse. Empathy is a learned behavior and it takes time. Some kiddos just have strong personalities and some kiddos don't. We can all benefit from continuing to add parenting skills to our toolboxes. I encourage you to follow your gut and take good care of yourself. You deserve support cuz Mommying is hard work!

    I'm so glad you are here and I'm sending hugs and prayers your way.
  8. seeker78

    seeker78 New Member

    Thanks so much, going to meetings and working a program really do help. :)