I have two difficult adult children, 34, and 39. They were great kids, but ex enabled them and allowed drug/alcohol use. One is a full-blown addict/narcissist; the other is borderline/substance user. I am a sexual abuse and neglect survivor and have spent my whole adult life (now 66)trying heal and be a good person and parent. Neither of my two difficult ones speak to me. My 3rd child from second marriage is 21, and we are very close. There is so much I love and appreciate about him. Unfortunately, he is failing out of college for the second time and hid the truth of his situation from his dad and me. I am beyond devastated that he lied and that he has loans with nothing to show for it. He does not seem to be learning the lessons he needs to by changing his behavior. When I think of talking to friends and family, I feel embarassment and shame. I know what other people think of me is not supposed to be my business, but I feel like something must be wrong with me to have 3 kids off the rails. I know I have been a reasonable parent, but it certainly doesn't seem like that by looking at me kids. I left home at 17, put myself through college, and supported myself for 30 years as a high school teacher. How do others handle the pain of having multiple children in distress and the shame of feeling responsible for it?