advice needed for crying baby

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by jbrain, Jun 13, 2009.

  1. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi All,
    I was talking with difficult child 1, E, yesterday and as some of you know she is a single mom to a baby boy (he is 7 months old). She told me that he has started "screaming" when she puts him to bed and will scream for hours if she does not go get him. She said her pediatrician recommended putting him to bed and letting him scream--said he just wants attention. She says he gets all her attention, she doesn't understand it.

    My own opinion is that this baby will probably be a difficult child with the genes he has inherited from biodad and also having a difficult child for a mom. So I don't know if he is just starting early with the difficult child stuff or if this is also easy child baby stuff.

    I don't know what to recommend--all my babies were pretty good sleepers, I didn't have this problem. Also, after all this time it's hard to remember! Do any of you have advice as to how she should handle this? Or if you think you handled it wrong at the time and how you would do it differently?

    Thanks so much!

  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I had problems getting Diva down. I also tried the letting her scream advise but that did not help. I am guilty of holding both kids until they were asleep.

    I always sang to my kids and rocked them. Then tried to get Diva past the t.v. room before a commercial came on that would wake her up. She loved the Ziplock commercial and a certain weather man on a news show. Whenever she heard one of those, she would be wide awake looking for them.

    difficult child is a very deep sleeper so once his eyes are halfway shut he is down for the night. He would literally be asleep before his eyes closed.

    So, actually I am of no help on this but send my hugs.
  3. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Missy did this. Eventually, I just let her scream until she fell asleep. It took about three days and she stopped. She settled pretty quickly when she realized that this was not going to get her anywhere.

    Has she tried the "Nanny" thing, where she sits on the floor, not looking or speaking to him and works her way out the door? I had to do that a few times with Mighty Mouse.
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    My advice to the mother is to follow her gut on this one. My babies didn't settle well on their own. All three started out very colicky and two had a lot of sleep disruption due to colds and ear infections. One had major sensory issues that we didn't know about at the time and my third (major easy child) is highly tactile and literally didn't sleep well without a warm body next to her until she was 5. All are very good sleepers now.

    If the mom does the cry it out thing and she knows the baby is healthy then the method should work within 5-7 days. If the baby doesn't settle down on his/her own by then I'd suggest the little darlin simply needs more comfort at bedtime for some reason.
  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    One more suggestion: if she has no luck with the baby crying it out in the crib in their room try one of those portable playpens. One of my kids always slept better in there and I finally gave up on the crib.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would advise her to follow her instincts. Even if they go against the "scream it out" method the doctor recommends.

    With Jessie I was working fulltime plus some, and so when she started screaming I just pulled her in to bed with us. Not so much for either boy, they didn't seem to want that.

    Is there any chance he is having stomach problems? With Jessie if we put her down in a crib or bassinet to sleep she got gastric reflux and it hurt. For a long time we had her sleeping in the car seat (we had one that popped into the swing so she was up off the floor) until she outgrew it.

    If the baby is on formula she might have better luck with a soy based formula. I thought it was an old wives tale about soy formula being easier on a baby's tummy. I was WRONG. It made a HUGE change.

    With thank you we even took it one step further with the doctor's approval. I bought bags of catnip tea at the health food store. I would brew a cup and steep it for 3 to 5 minutes. Then I used 2-3 ounces of the tea for part of the liquid I mixed the formula with.

    Oh. My. Stars!!! The FIRST night we did this thank you slept for 5 hours straight through. And he was 7 or 8 months old!!! By the end of the week he was sleeping 8 hours a night.

    We did NOT use catnip from the pet food aisle. I was actually able to find catnip tea in bags like regular tea. It wasn't even tough to find.

    I hope things settle down soon.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well...I didnt have a bit of problem with the boys as babies but we are guilty as sin of having Keyana sleep in our bed. When she was really little she did fine in her crib but somewhere near the end of her first year she started not liking her crib so we started letting her sleep in our bed. First it was only for naps and she slept with Cory at night. Then it became more sleeping with us. We just got her into her own bed about 3 or 4 months ago when she admitted to us that she slept in her own bed at her other grandma's

    I personally dont have a bit of problem with the family bed. When Tony worked out of town when my boys were young they tended to end up in my bed at some point in the night. In fact, until they moved out it wasnt uncommon for them to come cuddle up with me if they were sick. Even now Cory will come lay in my bed if he is really feeling
  8. FlipFlops

    FlipFlops Guest

    The mom needs to get some earplugs. I am a firm believer in them. It does not drown out the crying completely of course, but it takes the edge off which can help with personal sanity!! I still do this sometimes.
    I read about the cry it out method when easy child 1 was a baby. You were supposed to do it in intervals. Lay them down, wait 5 minutes. Go back in and talk to them or something. Leave, wait 10 minutes........You get the idea. Supposed to work in about 3-5 days if I remember correctly. But it has been awhile.
    I have to admit I had tossed the whole idea by the time my 3rd kid came along. I didn't want the crying to disturb everyone else. He was sharing a room with difficult child. I was so bad I even leaned over the crib with him laying in it while I nursed him to sleep. I was desperate okay. Eventually easy child 2 just slept with us.
  9. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Thanks for all the advice--feel free to keep it coming! I'll have to ask her if sleeping with the baby would work--she used to be a deep sleeper and could sleep anywhere--she always slept with her blanket and stuffed monkey (til she left home at 18), maybe she could sleep with the baby!

    I'll suggest all the methods you guys have told me about and maybe one of them will hit a chord with her. Earplugs, that might work too.

    I know she lives in an apt.--hope he isn't keeping other tenants up.

  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    AT 7-8 months old the baby 'should' be able to get into a bedtime routine, that is something like: bath time, quiet play time, last bottle/nursing and then finally bed time. Purplejonsie describes the method I used with easy child. difficult child was a daytime screamer so by 7PM, she usually just passed right out and was out for the night. We were lucky if you look at that my days really svcked.

    Anyway, I was just thinking that the baby of a difficult child, and all the upheaval that your difficult child 1 has been through since his birth could mean that he really does need that closeness at bedtime.

    Also, before she's readying him for bed, is she creating a peaceful space, i.e., turning off the tv/radio, etc? Is his crib/room put together and mellow? I think a lot of young/new moms don't realize the importance of creating a peaceful space for their babies to relax in.

    And then I thought perhaps he's teething big time and having her hold him and be with him could be soothing to him?

    I hope she figures it out and finds a solution that works for her.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think having the kids in bed with the parents is fine, esp as the child gets to be more mobile. The downside is that you can wake up with a stiff neck or back if the child lays on top of you. Or you could share with Jessie and spend half the time explaining the bruises she bestowed upon you as she thrashed in the bed (and this was before age 2!). She was not having nightmares, just having very active dreams.

    I have been through the routines that PJ described. We had very little luck with them. If anything, she would wait until we were asleep and then come crawl in with us. Jess was the MASTER at getting parents busy so she could go and do what she wanted with-o being disturbed, LOL!

    If nothing else, maybe having one of those bears that has the womb sounds would help? Each of my kids had them. At one point they even were all using them 0 and Wiz is 8 years older than thank you. But it is a relaxing sound and it seems to be very soothing - even if not used for several months. The bear would put husband and I to sleep - we loved it.

    We also had good luck with classical music playing in the kid's room and with having books on tape playing - kids' books, of course. My dad has this deep voice that is very soothing when he reads. Kind of reminds me of the dad on Happy Days, if anyone remembers "Mr. C". My dad found an old Uncle Wiggly storybook. He read it onto tape and it was an instant hit. Matter of fact I still find the younger 2 kids listening to it some nights. The stories were old fashioned, not exciting the way some stories can get, they were just gentle stories that my kids dropped off to sleep anytime they were played.

    For us the Uncle Wiggly tapes also helped Wiz bridge the gap from living 1/2 mile from my parents to living 800 miles away from them.

    I really hope that this gets better soon. I remember bawling my eyes out at MY old pediatrician when Jessie just wouldn't sleep or quit crying. So I totally feel for her.
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    How is she feeding him? The reason I ask is that my neighbor across the street had a baby boy a year ago May. He was a screamer from the get-go. She was nursing and felt that she was doing ok, but they were constantly going for walks in the stroller, driving him around in the car, etc. I felt so sorry for her. You'd see her out on the street or getting into or out of her car with the baby and her older daughter and that boy would just be screaming all of the time. And I don't mean crying.

    She's from Poland, and her mother and father finally came to visit when he was probably about 5 months old. Her mom told her "That baby's hungry." She started feeding him supplemental foods, and he is the happiest baby you see on the street.

    I know that your grandson is older, but I seem to remember that at about that age was when we started really adding on the more solid type foods and cereals. Is it possible that he's just hungry? Of course, it could be teething, too.
  13. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm not all that wild with crying it out to excess. I put a 45min. time limit. Then I got in the shower so I didn't sabotage myself.
    Before bedtime, I usually gave my babies a warm bath, then a final bottle before tucking them in. I rocked and fed them so they were sleepy. White noise can also block out noise.
    I had one that it worked out well and one who was a very sensitive sleeper but by 3 to 5 months they were able to settle down.
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Miss KT was sensitive to the iron in the formula, and would scream and scream because her tummy hurt. Soy was no help. Finally my OB/GYN who was much more sensible than her pediatrician suggested the low iron formula. End of screaming. She was another one who was always hungry, and I started feeding her fruti and cereal pretty early.

    I didn't generally have problems at bedtime, she was so busy all day she basically passed out. This is a child who was crawling at 3 months, cruising around holding furniture at 6 months, and full out walking by 8 months. She never slowed down!
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Why didnt I even think about that? Some of these new doctors now dont even suggest starting foods until 6 months which I think is downright idiotic. My kids would have starved to death if I had waited that long. We had Keyana eating cereal at 2 months and by 6 months she was eating full meals. And Keyana was a petite baby. She sure wasnt anywhere near overweight even with meals, she just didnt take in as much formula because she ate her food. At night she got rice cereal in her nite time bottle or she wouldnt make it through the night. Of course, she had started drinking juice in her sippy cup at 6 months and was fully off the bottle at 8 months. Made her meals much more important but she was an excellent eater. Still is.
  16. FlipFlops

    FlipFlops Guest

    I forgot to mention what my secret weapon was. I had a swing that had a car seat type thing, and also a bassinet you could use in its place. That bassinet thing was a MIRACLE worker. I put my first one in that quite a lot and it always worked. Another thing that worked well was a little thing that went on the frame of the crib and vibrated. I hope things work out.
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    What's been happening for the first six months? If this is a new behavior then chances are it is teething, or some change that is upsetting. Even with difficult child I always found that six months was a "good" turning point where the demands diminished. If this is new...that makes a difference. DDD
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    true DDD. They also start noticing some separation stuff starting about this age too. If you have one of those vibrating chairs, you could take the part that vibrates out and stick it under the mattress pad and it will make the mattress vibrate. That might help. Or under the mattress if its a little portacrib.

    Do you have one of those really cute aquarium nitetime soothers with the songs that play and the fish float around? Mine all loved those.
  19. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I did the 'scream it out' thing with easy child daughgter. She could go a LOOONG time. Husband went to earplugs. I remember going to the doctor and sitting there crying because I couldn't make her stop. He was an old guy and always said...just let her cry. It broke my heart, but she eventually stopped at about 7 months.

    One thing that did help was getting her off of milk products. We went totally soy and that seemed to help her be more comfortable. Or, maybe she just got tired. Who knows.

  20. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm not for letting them cry it out at 7 months. That's just too young in my book.

    I had an old fashioned pediatrician and we introduced cereal at 10 days. That's probably why my babies slept through the night so young - 5 and 3 weeks respectively.

    I would look at the formula and hunger first.