Marguerite
Active Member
Letting them cry - I hate it. I was made to do it when difficult child 3 was only a few weeks old. I actually did try it, it was awful. In his case - he was a hungry baby. I had plenty of milk for him, but the baby care nurse at the clinic couldn't beleive that it was heqalthy for him to take as much in a single feed, in such a short time, as he was doing. They said he was unsettled and crying because he as getting colic from TOO MUCH milk. All I had wanted was a test-weigh, what I got form my clinic visit was being made to cut his feeds in half then make him go to bed.
No way would he sleep. I gave up after a week of torture and went back to feeding him as much as he wanted, and he settled back down again.
At 7 months (and at other times) babies change their patterns and their habits. They are starting on solids (if you haven't started them already) and there can be all sorts of issues.
1) There could be a food sensitivity causing a tummy ache problem. Watch what the baby is eating, maybe ease back on possible risky foods. The best first foods are NOT the cereals (as a lot of us were taught) but a small amount of protein, or a little fruit. When easy child was a baby I was avoiding wheat but we were told that first solids should be cereal, so we fed her on rice cereal mixed with breast milk. Then I mixed the rice cereal with fruit juice instead of cows milk because we were avoiding all cows milk until 12 months old. But by the time I had difficult child 3, his first solids were - he sucked on a pear I was eating (so he got the flavour and maybe a bit of the natural juice) and then I spoonfed him the gravy from an Aussie meat pie I was eating, the next day. It was midwinter, the pie was warm, difficult child 3 couldn't get enough of it. You can make a meat stock by boiling up some scraps of meat with some vegetables. Even just the broth is a healthy nutritious feed for a baby. If you puree in some of the vegetables and meat, you get the solids as well. Avoid adding salt in any amount, it's too easy for a baby to get too much and salt will make the baby thirsty. Not good when their tummies won't hold enough liquid to dilute the salt they may have ingested.
2) The baby may simply have reached a point where he wants to explore more, but is frustrated due to being tired and not recognising it. I went through this with easy child 2/difficult child 2 at about 7 months. She was a terror. I could hear from her cry that she was tired. But she fought going to bed. I tried everything - I tried cuddling her and she snuggled in and was sleepy, but still crying. So I tried just putting her in her bed, and she screamed in outrage. She would sit there screaming louder and louder, you could hear how angry she was too. But she would be sitting there screaming, swaying with fatigue, eyes closing, and still screaming. Then she would fall asleep sitting up, fall over and when her head hit the pillow she would wake and start screaming all over again. This kept on for a month or so, then she finally worked out how to sleep. After that, I would put her to bed and she would tuck her nose in and close her eyes in determination.
3) There could be something else wrong, including separation anxiety. This is normal at a certain age, when babies suddenly realise thta mother is NOT merely an extension of themselves but a separate individual who is capable of coming and going independently. The child will scream to make sure the mother doesn't go away, but stays attached via umbilical cord. It's a "Don't leave me! I'm a vulnerable baby, you need to stay with me permanently!" type of cry.
4) I had problems with easy child suddenly 'changing' from good baby, to hellion. She was 6 weeks old and the change was dramatic. It turned out to be me - I had been taking avitamin C supplement so it could be excreteed in my milk and boost her immune system. All fine, until I ran out of my usual supply and switched to a drink supplement instead. I HAD been taking pure calcium ascorbate, but I switched to an orange-coloured, orange-flavoured drink base. The problem turned out to be the orange colouring. A few months later easy child got thrush nad the treatment was an orange-colouredmedicien which totally sent her ballistic. She would scream and scream,constantly through the day. Non-stop. Nothing helped. She fought every meal, she fought every feed. She fought going to bed, she fought waking up. So we switched to a spearmint-flavoured lozenge (the only alternative delivery of that drug) and I had to crush the lozenges and mix them with her rice cereal. She hated it and fought while I dosed her, but the battles were only over the dosage. The rest of the time she was a darling, she was fighting the lozenges because she hated the taste now, and not because of a colouring reaction.
So if there has been achange in the baby's behaviours - check out and make a list of any other changes to the baby's environment, including changes to food, drink, any chemicals in the baby's environment and yes, teething possibilities.
I broke a lot of rules with difficult child 3. He actually was a very good baby (giving the lie to difficult children generally being challenging as babies). I CHOSE to cuddle him to sleep because he was MY baby and I love cuddlnig babies. Contrary to what people said, it didn't spoil him. It gave me a golden opportunity to relax. There is something very relaxing about snuggling with your baby in the rocking chair, and singing him to sleep. Often I would nap too, and wake very refreshed. But at about 3 months old, difficult child 3 began getting to a certain point in the sleep-time cuddle, then leaving away and looking for his bed. When I carried him, still singing to him, into his room, he would almost leap out of my arms into his bed and immediately turn his nose in and close his eyes. I would cover him up and he would be asleep before I was out the door.
It was that easy, because HE worked it out for himself and all I had done, was go along with what he wanted. Being tuned into my baby meant I was giving him what he wanted all along. And now with hindsight - of course it makes sense, he is always happiest when I 'read his mind" and let him have what he wants, as long as what he wants is reasonable and what I would be giving him anyway (such as meals, at mealtimes).
Some doctors really do need their heads examined. Raising achild is NOT a competition between the adult and child, for control. It is a process of the child learning about the world and how to interact with it, with the adult facilitating that process and ensuring in the meantime that the child's needs are considered, with avew to the child's welfare and safety.
Letting a baby cry just to prove a point - nope. Letting a baby cry when all other options have been exhausted - if you have to, it sometimes is the only option. As with easy child 2/difficult child 2 when she had to learn how to sleep - she was tired, she needed to sleep but she was fighting sleep. We had to endure that. I don't know if cuddling her to sleep would have taught her anything, or would have prevented the crying. She was upset because she was too tired to play, and having me try to play with her wouldn't have changed that.
So what I suggest -
1) Consistency. Whatever a parent does, there needs to be a routine and consistency. The baby needs to have some idea of what to expect and what to rely on.
2) Follow your instincts. If the advice you're given feels wrong, or if you try it and it's a disaster, listen to your heart.
3) Take note of any changes in the baby's behaviour, diet, environment, health status and level of attention to everything. THis could simply be a normal stage the baby is growing through, but he may need help to work out how to respond to these changes.
4) Some things to try - cuddle to sleep (not every time, but occasionally, to see how it works compared to other times). A bedtime routine especially for evening which involves the same sequence - dinner, bath, towel-dry, oil massage (more later), cuddle, story reading in bed, maybe cuddle until the baby is asleep (in his own bed).
5) Something I did for easy child (and again for difficult child 3) - I would pick the child up BEFORE he/she cried. I would keep an ear on the child and while ever the noises were happy, I left the baby. But at the first change in voice, the beginning of a whimper or complaint, I would pick the baby up and tell them how happy I was with them for playing so well alone. The child needs to learn to self-amuse, but this shouldn't be taken for granted. If other members of the ape family carry their babies everywhere and watch them closely, then perhaps we should do more of this too, not less. It worked for Jane Goodall's son...
Now, to baby massage. YOu can use any vegetable oil. The younger the baby, the better it is to leave the oil unscented. You can also use baby powder, but I prefer oil.
If you want to scent the oil, do it VERY lightly with an oil like lavender or rose. These are calming oils. For a boy, you can moderate the rose perfume with a little sandalwood. A little goes a LONG way...
Only do this while the baby enjoys it. This should never be forced onto anyone. Do it asmuch or as little as he can tolerate.
To massage the baby, try to have the oil in a convenient container, preferably kept warm. A squeezie bottle which you have sitting in a cup of warm water, is good. Or squeeze it onto your hands and let your hands warm the oil. Begin either on the torso, or on the limbs. If the limbs, then work the oil from the shoulders down the arms to the fingers. Gently massage each little finger, always working towards the fingertips. Use long gentle strokes for the arm, gentle massage on the fingers. If it's cold (you shouldtry to have warm room if you can) then drape a towel back over the baby where you're not working with the oil.
The torse - again, work form the centre outward. Long gentle strokes. If you can, overlap one hand with the other, so the feelnig for the baby is one continuous rub form the centre outwards. Be gentle, this is not shiatsu. THis is relaxing touch, not heavy pressure.
Legs - as for arms, work from the thigh down to the toes, gently massage oil into the toes and between. Avoid tickling.
Try to avoid putting scented oil on the baby's genital area. However, the nappy area in general will benefit from an oil layer. Just avoid putting scented oil on the scrotum (in boys) or vulva (in girls) because the essential oils can irritate. Otherwise - don't be squeamish, the baby doesn't understand why you might leave one area totally untouched. Be sensible about it. The main aim is to relax the baby. THis can be done for children of all ages (including adult partners) but for older children, definitely avoid the genital area. It's all about learning to understand and recognise appropriate touching. The lesson can begin at any age but older children can learn to still enjoy a massage but also respect their modesty.
For older children who are shy about it - try a hand massage. Or a foot massage. Be wary of tickle areas, sometimes rubbing a bit more firmly can help overcome a tickle. Or just avoiding that area. If a child's foot is too ticklish, then do a hand massage.
As I said before - cooking oil is perfectly OK. Often best, because it's natural, it's not got any additives in it and if it's safe enough for us to eat, it's safe enough to put on your body.
I hope she can find some answers that help.
Marg
No way would he sleep. I gave up after a week of torture and went back to feeding him as much as he wanted, and he settled back down again.
At 7 months (and at other times) babies change their patterns and their habits. They are starting on solids (if you haven't started them already) and there can be all sorts of issues.
1) There could be a food sensitivity causing a tummy ache problem. Watch what the baby is eating, maybe ease back on possible risky foods. The best first foods are NOT the cereals (as a lot of us were taught) but a small amount of protein, or a little fruit. When easy child was a baby I was avoiding wheat but we were told that first solids should be cereal, so we fed her on rice cereal mixed with breast milk. Then I mixed the rice cereal with fruit juice instead of cows milk because we were avoiding all cows milk until 12 months old. But by the time I had difficult child 3, his first solids were - he sucked on a pear I was eating (so he got the flavour and maybe a bit of the natural juice) and then I spoonfed him the gravy from an Aussie meat pie I was eating, the next day. It was midwinter, the pie was warm, difficult child 3 couldn't get enough of it. You can make a meat stock by boiling up some scraps of meat with some vegetables. Even just the broth is a healthy nutritious feed for a baby. If you puree in some of the vegetables and meat, you get the solids as well. Avoid adding salt in any amount, it's too easy for a baby to get too much and salt will make the baby thirsty. Not good when their tummies won't hold enough liquid to dilute the salt they may have ingested.
2) The baby may simply have reached a point where he wants to explore more, but is frustrated due to being tired and not recognising it. I went through this with easy child 2/difficult child 2 at about 7 months. She was a terror. I could hear from her cry that she was tired. But she fought going to bed. I tried everything - I tried cuddling her and she snuggled in and was sleepy, but still crying. So I tried just putting her in her bed, and she screamed in outrage. She would sit there screaming louder and louder, you could hear how angry she was too. But she would be sitting there screaming, swaying with fatigue, eyes closing, and still screaming. Then she would fall asleep sitting up, fall over and when her head hit the pillow she would wake and start screaming all over again. This kept on for a month or so, then she finally worked out how to sleep. After that, I would put her to bed and she would tuck her nose in and close her eyes in determination.
3) There could be something else wrong, including separation anxiety. This is normal at a certain age, when babies suddenly realise thta mother is NOT merely an extension of themselves but a separate individual who is capable of coming and going independently. The child will scream to make sure the mother doesn't go away, but stays attached via umbilical cord. It's a "Don't leave me! I'm a vulnerable baby, you need to stay with me permanently!" type of cry.
4) I had problems with easy child suddenly 'changing' from good baby, to hellion. She was 6 weeks old and the change was dramatic. It turned out to be me - I had been taking avitamin C supplement so it could be excreteed in my milk and boost her immune system. All fine, until I ran out of my usual supply and switched to a drink supplement instead. I HAD been taking pure calcium ascorbate, but I switched to an orange-coloured, orange-flavoured drink base. The problem turned out to be the orange colouring. A few months later easy child got thrush nad the treatment was an orange-colouredmedicien which totally sent her ballistic. She would scream and scream,constantly through the day. Non-stop. Nothing helped. She fought every meal, she fought every feed. She fought going to bed, she fought waking up. So we switched to a spearmint-flavoured lozenge (the only alternative delivery of that drug) and I had to crush the lozenges and mix them with her rice cereal. She hated it and fought while I dosed her, but the battles were only over the dosage. The rest of the time she was a darling, she was fighting the lozenges because she hated the taste now, and not because of a colouring reaction.
So if there has been achange in the baby's behaviours - check out and make a list of any other changes to the baby's environment, including changes to food, drink, any chemicals in the baby's environment and yes, teething possibilities.
I broke a lot of rules with difficult child 3. He actually was a very good baby (giving the lie to difficult children generally being challenging as babies). I CHOSE to cuddle him to sleep because he was MY baby and I love cuddlnig babies. Contrary to what people said, it didn't spoil him. It gave me a golden opportunity to relax. There is something very relaxing about snuggling with your baby in the rocking chair, and singing him to sleep. Often I would nap too, and wake very refreshed. But at about 3 months old, difficult child 3 began getting to a certain point in the sleep-time cuddle, then leaving away and looking for his bed. When I carried him, still singing to him, into his room, he would almost leap out of my arms into his bed and immediately turn his nose in and close his eyes. I would cover him up and he would be asleep before I was out the door.
It was that easy, because HE worked it out for himself and all I had done, was go along with what he wanted. Being tuned into my baby meant I was giving him what he wanted all along. And now with hindsight - of course it makes sense, he is always happiest when I 'read his mind" and let him have what he wants, as long as what he wants is reasonable and what I would be giving him anyway (such as meals, at mealtimes).
Some doctors really do need their heads examined. Raising achild is NOT a competition between the adult and child, for control. It is a process of the child learning about the world and how to interact with it, with the adult facilitating that process and ensuring in the meantime that the child's needs are considered, with avew to the child's welfare and safety.
Letting a baby cry just to prove a point - nope. Letting a baby cry when all other options have been exhausted - if you have to, it sometimes is the only option. As with easy child 2/difficult child 2 when she had to learn how to sleep - she was tired, she needed to sleep but she was fighting sleep. We had to endure that. I don't know if cuddling her to sleep would have taught her anything, or would have prevented the crying. She was upset because she was too tired to play, and having me try to play with her wouldn't have changed that.
So what I suggest -
1) Consistency. Whatever a parent does, there needs to be a routine and consistency. The baby needs to have some idea of what to expect and what to rely on.
2) Follow your instincts. If the advice you're given feels wrong, or if you try it and it's a disaster, listen to your heart.
3) Take note of any changes in the baby's behaviour, diet, environment, health status and level of attention to everything. THis could simply be a normal stage the baby is growing through, but he may need help to work out how to respond to these changes.
4) Some things to try - cuddle to sleep (not every time, but occasionally, to see how it works compared to other times). A bedtime routine especially for evening which involves the same sequence - dinner, bath, towel-dry, oil massage (more later), cuddle, story reading in bed, maybe cuddle until the baby is asleep (in his own bed).
5) Something I did for easy child (and again for difficult child 3) - I would pick the child up BEFORE he/she cried. I would keep an ear on the child and while ever the noises were happy, I left the baby. But at the first change in voice, the beginning of a whimper or complaint, I would pick the baby up and tell them how happy I was with them for playing so well alone. The child needs to learn to self-amuse, but this shouldn't be taken for granted. If other members of the ape family carry their babies everywhere and watch them closely, then perhaps we should do more of this too, not less. It worked for Jane Goodall's son...
Now, to baby massage. YOu can use any vegetable oil. The younger the baby, the better it is to leave the oil unscented. You can also use baby powder, but I prefer oil.
If you want to scent the oil, do it VERY lightly with an oil like lavender or rose. These are calming oils. For a boy, you can moderate the rose perfume with a little sandalwood. A little goes a LONG way...
Only do this while the baby enjoys it. This should never be forced onto anyone. Do it asmuch or as little as he can tolerate.
To massage the baby, try to have the oil in a convenient container, preferably kept warm. A squeezie bottle which you have sitting in a cup of warm water, is good. Or squeeze it onto your hands and let your hands warm the oil. Begin either on the torso, or on the limbs. If the limbs, then work the oil from the shoulders down the arms to the fingers. Gently massage each little finger, always working towards the fingertips. Use long gentle strokes for the arm, gentle massage on the fingers. If it's cold (you shouldtry to have warm room if you can) then drape a towel back over the baby where you're not working with the oil.
The torse - again, work form the centre outward. Long gentle strokes. If you can, overlap one hand with the other, so the feelnig for the baby is one continuous rub form the centre outwards. Be gentle, this is not shiatsu. THis is relaxing touch, not heavy pressure.
Legs - as for arms, work from the thigh down to the toes, gently massage oil into the toes and between. Avoid tickling.
Try to avoid putting scented oil on the baby's genital area. However, the nappy area in general will benefit from an oil layer. Just avoid putting scented oil on the scrotum (in boys) or vulva (in girls) because the essential oils can irritate. Otherwise - don't be squeamish, the baby doesn't understand why you might leave one area totally untouched. Be sensible about it. The main aim is to relax the baby. THis can be done for children of all ages (including adult partners) but for older children, definitely avoid the genital area. It's all about learning to understand and recognise appropriate touching. The lesson can begin at any age but older children can learn to still enjoy a massage but also respect their modesty.
For older children who are shy about it - try a hand massage. Or a foot massage. Be wary of tickle areas, sometimes rubbing a bit more firmly can help overcome a tickle. Or just avoiding that area. If a child's foot is too ticklish, then do a hand massage.
As I said before - cooking oil is perfectly OK. Often best, because it's natural, it's not got any additives in it and if it's safe enough for us to eat, it's safe enough to put on your body.
I hope she can find some answers that help.
Marg
but I sure as heck get up until I feel ready. DDD
!
