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advice needed from forum, I posted several months back. My 33 yr old son is in a short term rehab,
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 626974" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I'm so sorry Sheila, I understand how much this hurts your heart. However, it's time to let go, its' time to recognize that you are NOT responsible for your grown son and his family, it is time for you and your husband to have your own lives without your son holding you hostage with his bad behavior.</p><p></p><p>It is sad to be our age and have our difficult child's still clinging to us, but you have the power here and here it is in one word........NO. NO. NO. NO. Keep saying no. If he gives you a hard time like with his guilt trip about holding his family together, hang up, don't engage, get out from under this heavy load of guilt you're carrying, it is not your burden, it is his. Don't allow him to shift it onto your plate. Our kids are master manipulators, learn to respond differently. You may require help to do that, I did, and many of us do, so if it feels right, seek counseling for yourself, or some sort of support group where you will learn the tools you need to detach and find your joy once again.</p><p></p><p>Two and a half years ago I was in your shoes. I was determined to get out of those shoes and I did, so can you. It takes a commitment on your part to change this very old and very tired, unhealthy dynamic you have going with your grown son. He is an addict. You are an enabler, Seek support to change that in yourself. The first step is saying NO. The second is taking the focus you've had on your son and putting it on YOU. Like me, your parenting years are behind you. We did the best we could and now that time is passed. Your son needs to MAN UP for his family. If he doesn't then that is HIS fate, not yours.</p><p></p><p>When you were 33 years old, did you expect your parents to support you? Think about that.</p><p></p><p>Get some help to assist you in making it over this first hump of despair. Once you traverse that, you will find some peace and some strength and you'll be on your way. Keep posting it helps. We're here if you need us. Sending you good thoughts, for comfort, for peace, for laughter.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 626974, member: 13542"] I'm so sorry Sheila, I understand how much this hurts your heart. However, it's time to let go, its' time to recognize that you are NOT responsible for your grown son and his family, it is time for you and your husband to have your own lives without your son holding you hostage with his bad behavior. It is sad to be our age and have our difficult child's still clinging to us, but you have the power here and here it is in one word........NO. NO. NO. NO. Keep saying no. If he gives you a hard time like with his guilt trip about holding his family together, hang up, don't engage, get out from under this heavy load of guilt you're carrying, it is not your burden, it is his. Don't allow him to shift it onto your plate. Our kids are master manipulators, learn to respond differently. You may require help to do that, I did, and many of us do, so if it feels right, seek counseling for yourself, or some sort of support group where you will learn the tools you need to detach and find your joy once again. Two and a half years ago I was in your shoes. I was determined to get out of those shoes and I did, so can you. It takes a commitment on your part to change this very old and very tired, unhealthy dynamic you have going with your grown son. He is an addict. You are an enabler, Seek support to change that in yourself. The first step is saying NO. The second is taking the focus you've had on your son and putting it on YOU. Like me, your parenting years are behind you. We did the best we could and now that time is passed. Your son needs to MAN UP for his family. If he doesn't then that is HIS fate, not yours. When you were 33 years old, did you expect your parents to support you? Think about that. Get some help to assist you in making it over this first hump of despair. Once you traverse that, you will find some peace and some strength and you'll be on your way. Keep posting it helps. We're here if you need us. Sending you good thoughts, for comfort, for peace, for laughter. [/QUOTE]
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advice needed from forum, I posted several months back. My 33 yr old son is in a short term rehab,
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