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advice needed from forum, I posted several months back. My 33 yr old son is in a short term rehab,
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 627122" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>In addition to the information you have already been given Shiela, try this: United Way has a number: 211 Local counties may have taken over in your area. Look in your phone book, in the blue, government pages section. There, you will find either the 211 number listed, or the number your county uses, instead. That number will connect you to someone who will be able to give you the numbers of shelters, programs, other things available in your area. If none of those numbers are there, then look under Social Services in the blue pages. Call the main number. Explain your situation. They will ask for your name. You can decline, and they will still help you with information. If none of those things work, look for a crisis hotline number. They will be able to give you a number you can call for further information. If you are in a rural area, call your local hospital and ask to speak to, or to have a social worker there, call you back.</p><p></p><p>What you are looking for Shiela, is information.</p><p></p><p>I had to do all those things Shiela, over and over again, until I was able to learn enough here to be able to say "no". And sometimes, to this day, I do not say "no". But I have learned that I have time. </p><p></p><p>You have time, Shiela.</p><p></p><p>That place you are in now, Recovering calls the FOG. It is a crisis mindset. We feel responsible. We feel we need to do something NOW. We cannot think of anything else. When you recognize those feelings Shiela, know that there is a name for what is happening. FOG. Take three deep breaths. Slow, deep breaths. Maybe, take a short walk. Or a shower. Anything to get you from crisis point to thinking clearly.</p><p></p><p>One thing we can say for sure is that what we have done in the past has not helped our kids. For each of us, that time comes when we acknowledge that and are desperate enough to try something altogether different.</p><p></p><p>There is no right answer to any of this, Shiela. It is bad, what is happening to all of us. We can help you learn little tools to get through it, minute by minute.</p><p></p><p>This helped me: When I did not know where my child was, whether he or she would survive, I would light a white candle. I would pray for my child, envisioning that white candle burning in a window, showing him or her the way out, the way home.</p><p></p><p>That helped me.</p><p></p><p>I think I saw that MWM sent you the Serenity Prayer. If she didn't, I will post that for you, now. I was told to read and reread it Shiela, until I got it. That helped me. Reading it, over and over and over, until I could feel it working, until I could feel it helping me recenter.</p><p></p><p>God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;</p><p>the Courage to change the things I can,</p><p>and the Wisdom to know the difference.</p><p></p><p>I say that to this day, when I wake up in the night, defenseless in the face of our situation.</p><p></p><p>Welcome, welcome, welcome, Shiela. As you become stronger, you will do the same things we are doing for you now, for the next parent as he or she comes in.</p><p></p><p>This is a good, good place.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry this is happening Shiela, to you and to your son.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>One more important piece: We have found that no one who has not tried to help a child determined to go a wrong way can understand what this is like. It is our consensus here that friends, neighbors, and family members see us differently because of what has happened to us, and to our kids. This is not their fault, Shiela. They do not know how their judgments hurt and cause us to question ourselves. The best we can hope for for them is that they never do get it, that they never, ever, find themselves in our positions.</p><p></p><p>These kinds of judgments hurt us, cause us to isolate, cause us to retreat into our pain. Forgive them Shiela. Let go of that. There is no way under Heaven for anyone who has not been through this to understand how vulnerable, how angry, how desperate, we are when our children are in this kind of trouble.</p><p></p><p>You and husband did nothing wrong, Shiela. We are a group of people ranging from uneducated to highly educated, from strict, religious parents to way out there hippie types. Those committed enough to helping their children eventually find this site.</p><p></p><p>You and your husband are those kinds of parents Shiela, or you would never have found us.</p><p></p><p>You love your son. You raised him well. He is a good man. </p><p></p><p>Addiction is a terrible thing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 627122, member: 17461"] In addition to the information you have already been given Shiela, try this: United Way has a number: 211 Local counties may have taken over in your area. Look in your phone book, in the blue, government pages section. There, you will find either the 211 number listed, or the number your county uses, instead. That number will connect you to someone who will be able to give you the numbers of shelters, programs, other things available in your area. If none of those numbers are there, then look under Social Services in the blue pages. Call the main number. Explain your situation. They will ask for your name. You can decline, and they will still help you with information. If none of those things work, look for a crisis hotline number. They will be able to give you a number you can call for further information. If you are in a rural area, call your local hospital and ask to speak to, or to have a social worker there, call you back. What you are looking for Shiela, is information. I had to do all those things Shiela, over and over again, until I was able to learn enough here to be able to say "no". And sometimes, to this day, I do not say "no". But I have learned that I have time. You have time, Shiela. That place you are in now, Recovering calls the FOG. It is a crisis mindset. We feel responsible. We feel we need to do something NOW. We cannot think of anything else. When you recognize those feelings Shiela, know that there is a name for what is happening. FOG. Take three deep breaths. Slow, deep breaths. Maybe, take a short walk. Or a shower. Anything to get you from crisis point to thinking clearly. One thing we can say for sure is that what we have done in the past has not helped our kids. For each of us, that time comes when we acknowledge that and are desperate enough to try something altogether different. There is no right answer to any of this, Shiela. It is bad, what is happening to all of us. We can help you learn little tools to get through it, minute by minute. This helped me: When I did not know where my child was, whether he or she would survive, I would light a white candle. I would pray for my child, envisioning that white candle burning in a window, showing him or her the way out, the way home. That helped me. I think I saw that MWM sent you the Serenity Prayer. If she didn't, I will post that for you, now. I was told to read and reread it Shiela, until I got it. That helped me. Reading it, over and over and over, until I could feel it working, until I could feel it helping me recenter. God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference. I say that to this day, when I wake up in the night, defenseless in the face of our situation. Welcome, welcome, welcome, Shiela. As you become stronger, you will do the same things we are doing for you now, for the next parent as he or she comes in. This is a good, good place. :O) I am so sorry this is happening Shiela, to you and to your son. Cedar One more important piece: We have found that no one who has not tried to help a child determined to go a wrong way can understand what this is like. It is our consensus here that friends, neighbors, and family members see us differently because of what has happened to us, and to our kids. This is not their fault, Shiela. They do not know how their judgments hurt and cause us to question ourselves. The best we can hope for for them is that they never do get it, that they never, ever, find themselves in our positions. These kinds of judgments hurt us, cause us to isolate, cause us to retreat into our pain. Forgive them Shiela. Let go of that. There is no way under Heaven for anyone who has not been through this to understand how vulnerable, how angry, how desperate, we are when our children are in this kind of trouble. You and husband did nothing wrong, Shiela. We are a group of people ranging from uneducated to highly educated, from strict, religious parents to way out there hippie types. Those committed enough to helping their children eventually find this site. You and your husband are those kinds of parents Shiela, or you would never have found us. You love your son. You raised him well. He is a good man. Addiction is a terrible thing. [/QUOTE]
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advice needed from forum, I posted several months back. My 33 yr old son is in a short term rehab,
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