advice on how to help my son to make friends

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by dixiegirl40, Sep 9, 2012.

  1. dixiegirl40

    dixiegirl40 Guest

    My son is 12 and dyslexic and ADHD. He's in 5th grade because of his dyslexia so making friends has become an issue. He's two years older than most his classmates. He went to a specialized school for 3 years and none of the students lived in the same area because it was a private school so having play dates and spend the night company was hard. Last year he went to a different private school but it wasn't a good fit with his dyslexia so this year he's in the public school in our town but like I said before he's so much older than his classmates. He's not really into sports. He loves art and building things. He loves Legos and games. My 7 year old son is having the same problems making friends. I hate to see them so lonely. Our neighborhood doesn't really have kids. Any ideas out there from parents who gone down a similar road?
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Find ways to get them into organized activities in their area of interest. Any kids art classes around? Most of these kinds of activities are multi-age, at least to some degree (like, they might not put the k-3 group in with teenagers..., but 9-12 or 8-14 are common groupings here). This multi-age apporoach helps ADHD (and other maturity-challenged) kids because they can relate to other kids of any age who have a similar talent and similar (im)maturity.

    For some kids, socialization happens on the end of a leash. Owning a dog, and taking formal classes in training the dog, can be a huge boost. The dog is very forgiving, very loving - but does best with really consistent signals. Somehow, it helps some kids learn how to interact with and relate to another living being... which is the building block for human relations too. Warning: This takes lots of TIME and EFFORT for both you and the kids. in my opinion... at least for us, it was well worth it.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Are your kids outgoing or shy? Do they long to have friends or are they happy playing alone or with one another (yes, kids like that do exist and they are harder to push). Have you thought of Boy Scouts/Cub Scouts? Can you tell us about their early years? Were they social as infants and toddlers? Did they make friends at their other schools?

    Any clubs at all are good places to meet kids. Even non-athletic kids sometimes do well in, say, swimming clubs. What about drama? Choir?
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    :hugs: been there done that - AM there still. Jett tends to alienate most other kids by trying too hard. He does have one good friend that stuck, who unfortunately I can only handle in small doses... And who is moving to Idaho in about a month. :sigh:

    Jett was in football, which is where he met J - and several of the kids who bully him. Softball netted him no friends, either. He doesn't want to do other extracurriculars... And the only 2 close-in-age kids in our neighborhood are both female, one is not allowed to play with the kids in the neighborhood and one lives next door and, well, I'll just say she's spoiled and a major cgfg.

    I wish there was a video gaming club!!!
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I've been there done that so I understand your concerns. Sports didn't work at all for #2 although I anticipated it would. Truthfully I never found the right fit because he just doesn't really "fit", sigh. on the other hand over the years many CD parents have found that bowling works well. Almost all communities have kids bowling leagues and some are very active. The advantage of bowling is that you do not interact as a team just take your turn at the lane. As a result you can't "drop the ball" and "cost the game" so their is less pressure. It also can lead to a lifelong activity and a family activity
    even if the team doesn't jell. Two former CD members had alleys where there was tremendous positive reinforcement and thru affiliation with the National bowling league there were even scholarships awarded. Another advantage is that "if" your difficult child refuses to attend one time it does not harm the group in any way.

    The only other slightly successful activity was a childrens theater group that met in the summer. difficult child was able to contribute by working sets and scenery and therefore felt part of the group. It did not lead to friendships away from the group but did build a little self pride. Good luck. DDD