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Substance Abuse
Advice on how to talk to son in rehab and not make things worse
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<blockquote data-quote="Roxona" data-source="post: 680460" data-attributes="member: 19076"><p>I was in your shoes six months ago with J. The phone calls are so hard. J and I have always been close. He would tell me everything...or so I thought. After the first week he started opening up about all the things he had been involved in. He told me it was his step-grandfather that had gotten him mixed up with meth, and got him started in dealing drugs. My mother's husband!!! I knew GpaB smoked pot and that he had friends that did harder drugs, but I never knew he did too. All the times when J said he was staying at GpaB's I thought he was safe....anyway, I digress. There is so much more to this story, too much I didn't know...too much I wish I never knew...too much to bear.</p><p></p><p>I limited J's calls to once a day, and my husband and I would visit him for an hour or two on the weekend. Active participation in rehab was a requirement for the possibility of coming home. After the first week in rehab the calls started slowing down and eventually became just a couple per week. I could tell he was working the program with every visit. He was gaining weight, talking clearer and was calmer. He would introduce us to some of the other people staying there, so I knew he was making friends and talking to others. In hindsight, I'm glad he utilized the opportunity of rehab. I don't know what I would have done if he didn't. I think it would not have been good because I remember being pretty much done with him at that point.</p><p></p><p>So, the best thing I could recommend is to limit his calls, and just listen. Let him do the majority of the talking. Do something like play on the computer while you're listening to him to help you stay only partially focused and more calm. If he starts to get angry with you, tell him you are sorry he feels this way, but that you will not argue with him. If he continues, tell him you love him and end the call. Set your boundaries. J could only stay on the phone for 20 minutes max, so I always knew if I did these things I could get through his calls.</p><p></p><p>(((((Big hugs))))) to you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Roxona, post: 680460, member: 19076"] I was in your shoes six months ago with J. The phone calls are so hard. J and I have always been close. He would tell me everything...or so I thought. After the first week he started opening up about all the things he had been involved in. He told me it was his step-grandfather that had gotten him mixed up with meth, and got him started in dealing drugs. My mother's husband!!! I knew GpaB smoked pot and that he had friends that did harder drugs, but I never knew he did too. All the times when J said he was staying at GpaB's I thought he was safe....anyway, I digress. There is so much more to this story, too much I didn't know...too much I wish I never knew...too much to bear. I limited J's calls to once a day, and my husband and I would visit him for an hour or two on the weekend. Active participation in rehab was a requirement for the possibility of coming home. After the first week in rehab the calls started slowing down and eventually became just a couple per week. I could tell he was working the program with every visit. He was gaining weight, talking clearer and was calmer. He would introduce us to some of the other people staying there, so I knew he was making friends and talking to others. In hindsight, I'm glad he utilized the opportunity of rehab. I don't know what I would have done if he didn't. I think it would not have been good because I remember being pretty much done with him at that point. So, the best thing I could recommend is to limit his calls, and just listen. Let him do the majority of the talking. Do something like play on the computer while you're listening to him to help you stay only partially focused and more calm. If he starts to get angry with you, tell him you are sorry he feels this way, but that you will not argue with him. If he continues, tell him you love him and end the call. Set your boundaries. J could only stay on the phone for 20 minutes max, so I always knew if I did these things I could get through his calls. (((((Big hugs))))) to you! [/QUOTE]
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Advice on how to talk to son in rehab and not make things worse
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