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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 661570" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>First of all, I am really happy for you, my old friend Alb, that your Difficult Child has been doing so well. I'm OK with them being normal partyers..we can't expect our kids to become saints, and saints are boring anyway (well some people might say that attitude is why I have a tendency to spawn Difficult Child's) </p><p></p><p>Second, I am totally with Cedar on this. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Do NOT jump in unasked. That gives him the message that he you don't think he can figure things out on his own. </p><p></p><p>Let HIM play it straight with YOU. If he wants it and is hoping you'll offer it because he is dropping hints..that is manipulation. He should play it straight with you by asking, and then you should play it straight with him by answering directly. No games or trickery.</p><p></p><p>If he asks for help, you could consider giving him work to do (or if your sibs who want to help have work he could do) to earn it. </p><p></p><p>Or, if he asks, you could pay it. </p><p></p><p>I wouldn't engage in any deals of pawning or loans. There is too much toxicity in that kind of arrangement with Difficult Child's.</p><p></p><p>Let him figure it out. SOme of figuring it out might include asking you for help. Or he may figure it out on his own.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting! and feel free to ignore my advice. </p><p></p><p>And nice to hear from you again,</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 661570, member: 17269"] First of all, I am really happy for you, my old friend Alb, that your Difficult Child has been doing so well. I'm OK with them being normal partyers..we can't expect our kids to become saints, and saints are boring anyway (well some people might say that attitude is why I have a tendency to spawn Difficult Child's) Second, I am totally with Cedar on this. Do NOT jump in unasked. That gives him the message that he you don't think he can figure things out on his own. Let HIM play it straight with YOU. If he wants it and is hoping you'll offer it because he is dropping hints..that is manipulation. He should play it straight with you by asking, and then you should play it straight with him by answering directly. No games or trickery. If he asks for help, you could consider giving him work to do (or if your sibs who want to help have work he could do) to earn it. Or, if he asks, you could pay it. I wouldn't engage in any deals of pawning or loans. There is too much toxicity in that kind of arrangement with Difficult Child's. Let him figure it out. SOme of figuring it out might include asking you for help. Or he may figure it out on his own. Keep posting! and feel free to ignore my advice. And nice to hear from you again, Echo [/QUOTE]
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