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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 707922" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Straight out of the adult difficult child handbook! My son has said the same thing to us. In the reality they live in they think that having a few "good" conversations somehow washes away all the chaos they have created. </p><p>I have made it very clear to my son that I have forgiven him for all that he has done to us but that by no means I have forgotten it nor do I trust him. The forgiveness is for me as I do not want to hold that bitterness in my heart.</p><p>As I'm typing this I'm getting ready to write a letter to my son who is currently in jail on charges of assault with a deadly weapon (knife). Of course my son says he is innocent. I would like more than anything to believe him but he has lied to me too many times. I just cannot trust his words. He could be facing 16 years in prison.</p><p>I received a letter from him explaining his innocence and how the jail and judge are very corrupt and to not send money. I actually laughed when I read the part about not sending money. Even if he had asked me to send money I will not. His letter was also full of things that sound great, "I found God", "I'm at peace with what is happening", etc.... He has always been very good at telling me what he thinks I want to hear. Years ago I would fall for it thinking he had really changed but as time passed, the truth was always revealed.</p><p>I'm glad to have some communication with my son but I have learned to keep my boundaries in check at all times. I will write him letters but I keep them very generic in that I do not offer much detail about my life. I have learned over the years that things I have shared with my son have been used against me. Again, the trust thing.</p><p></p><p>Our adult difficult children can be very good at spinning the truths that we want to hear, however <u><strong>the truth is in their actions</strong></u>. Keeping strong boundaries is the best way to protect ourselves.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 707922, member: 18516"] Straight out of the adult difficult child handbook! My son has said the same thing to us. In the reality they live in they think that having a few "good" conversations somehow washes away all the chaos they have created. I have made it very clear to my son that I have forgiven him for all that he has done to us but that by no means I have forgotten it nor do I trust him. The forgiveness is for me as I do not want to hold that bitterness in my heart. As I'm typing this I'm getting ready to write a letter to my son who is currently in jail on charges of assault with a deadly weapon (knife). Of course my son says he is innocent. I would like more than anything to believe him but he has lied to me too many times. I just cannot trust his words. He could be facing 16 years in prison. I received a letter from him explaining his innocence and how the jail and judge are very corrupt and to not send money. I actually laughed when I read the part about not sending money. Even if he had asked me to send money I will not. His letter was also full of things that sound great, "I found God", "I'm at peace with what is happening", etc.... He has always been very good at telling me what he thinks I want to hear. Years ago I would fall for it thinking he had really changed but as time passed, the truth was always revealed. I'm glad to have some communication with my son but I have learned to keep my boundaries in check at all times. I will write him letters but I keep them very generic in that I do not offer much detail about my life. I have learned over the years that things I have shared with my son have been used against me. Again, the trust thing. Our adult difficult children can be very good at spinning the truths that we want to hear, however [U][B]the truth is in their actions[/B][/U]. Keeping strong boundaries is the best way to protect ourselves. [/QUOTE]
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