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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 711466" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>How do you save somebody who does not want to be saved? She has to have the motivation to put in at least an iota of energy into saving herself, before your efforts will help her.</p><p>The thing is this: is she safe now? Is anything you are doing, have done, will do, helping her?</p><p></p><p>Of course you can keep on trying. Are you convinced this is the right thing for her? Has it worked so far? What will change? She must want to change. That is the key.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you cannot forgive yourself. That what is motivating you is guilt. Not fear. Because the risks to me seem greater continuing as you are. I am sorry. Sometimes there are no good choices, just the best of bad ones.</p><p></p><p>You deserve more than self-sacrifice, and the sacrifice of your marriage. Your daughter does too. If you sacrifice yourself, and your husband, I fear it will make it harder for her, not easier. I am sorry.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter needs to see you choosing for yourself, for your family--this will model to her that she can be strong. She needs this from you.</p><p></p><p>Many of us have found the strength to do this hard, hard thing, which really, I think, is the epitome of love and self-sacrifice, turning our kids away when they are self-destructing. Which is to say this: <em>I will not tolerate your self-abuse and-self-destructive behavior near me, or in my house.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>This does not mean your love has limits. On the contrary, it is to say, <em>I love you so much that I will do the hardest thing in the world. At the cost of my own heart, I will insist that you save yourself.</em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 711466, member: 18958"] How do you save somebody who does not want to be saved? She has to have the motivation to put in at least an iota of energy into saving herself, before your efforts will help her. The thing is this: is she safe now? Is anything you are doing, have done, will do, helping her? Of course you can keep on trying. Are you convinced this is the right thing for her? Has it worked so far? What will change? She must want to change. That is the key. It sounds like you cannot forgive yourself. That what is motivating you is guilt. Not fear. Because the risks to me seem greater continuing as you are. I am sorry. Sometimes there are no good choices, just the best of bad ones. You deserve more than self-sacrifice, and the sacrifice of your marriage. Your daughter does too. If you sacrifice yourself, and your husband, I fear it will make it harder for her, not easier. I am sorry. Your daughter needs to see you choosing for yourself, for your family--this will model to her that she can be strong. She needs this from you. Many of us have found the strength to do this hard, hard thing, which really, I think, is the epitome of love and self-sacrifice, turning our kids away when they are self-destructing. Which is to say this: [I]I will not tolerate your self-abuse and-self-destructive behavior near me, or in my house. [/I] This does not mean your love has limits. On the contrary, it is to say, [I]I love you so much that I will do the hardest thing in the world. At the cost of my own heart, I will insist that you save yourself. [/I] [/QUOTE]
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