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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 696906" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>This is NOT a child that can be helped with in home therapy. You just cannot do it. No one could. You and your pets are already in danger from this child and it will only get worse. It isn't something that is somehow going to get better. Most marriages/relationships cannot survive a child like this either. Attempting to handle this child as a single parent is a recipe for a major disaster. I am NOT saying that your marriage/relationship is weak. I am saying that a child this damaged and manipulative simply is just too hard on a relationship. He will triangulate to the point that you and your partner are constantly at odds in both major and minor ways. </p><p></p><p>Without major help, this child will likely be a danger to the community as well. He has already acted out on animals and you suspect on other children. Or I think I got that from your posts. No regular school, public or private, is going to be able to handle him. It is easy and fast to abuse another child while the adults are distracted, and he will likely do this. It is a school situation that you are likely to face if you continue.</p><p></p><p>In order to have the best possible future, he needs intensive inpatient therapy of MANY kinds. He also needs constant supervision to a level that no family can handle. I know. My husband and I spent years trying to do this with my own violent child. He was so violent to his little sister that I couldn't be in the next room or my daughter had bruises. I didn't go to the bathroom alone if I was home with my kids. My daughter had to come in and stand in the shower to keep her safe. My husband had my son do this with him if I wasn't home. We had doctors who advised us to do this, and they put it in writing because it was that important. We eventually moved in with my parents to have help supervising my son. After we moved out, we spent 2 years trying to find a way to reach him when he was a teen. Eventually we had to let my son go live with my parents to keep both my son and my daughter safe. My son was determined to hurt her and he had to go through me to get her. I was terribly afraid I was going to have to kill him or watch him kill her. It was truly that bad. </p><p></p><p>But my son wasn't nearly as bad off as your son. Acting out against a pet just didn't happen. He did get violent with other kdis who tried to hurt animals, and I had a real problem when his idiot 5th grade teacher talked about trying to find home for some kittens and why wouldn't her husband just put them in a bag and dump them in the lake. She said this at a PTA event and my son heard her. Thankfully, he had a wonderful Special Education teacher in his pullout program, and she helped me talk him out of hunting the teacher down. They stopped attempting to mainstream him into that teacher's classroom after that..</p><p></p><p>Your son just has way too many behaviors that are dangerous, and his thought processes are so abnormal that he needs the intensive help and supervision that can only be found in a residential setting. </p><p></p><p>You can still try to be in his life, maybe. But he NEEDS that inpatient residential setting in order to have any chance at a normal adult life, and in order to keep him and the community safe. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry. I really wish I could encourage you to keep trying and to adopt him. But it won't a good thing for you, your other family, or the child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 696906, member: 1233"] This is NOT a child that can be helped with in home therapy. You just cannot do it. No one could. You and your pets are already in danger from this child and it will only get worse. It isn't something that is somehow going to get better. Most marriages/relationships cannot survive a child like this either. Attempting to handle this child as a single parent is a recipe for a major disaster. I am NOT saying that your marriage/relationship is weak. I am saying that a child this damaged and manipulative simply is just too hard on a relationship. He will triangulate to the point that you and your partner are constantly at odds in both major and minor ways. Without major help, this child will likely be a danger to the community as well. He has already acted out on animals and you suspect on other children. Or I think I got that from your posts. No regular school, public or private, is going to be able to handle him. It is easy and fast to abuse another child while the adults are distracted, and he will likely do this. It is a school situation that you are likely to face if you continue. In order to have the best possible future, he needs intensive inpatient therapy of MANY kinds. He also needs constant supervision to a level that no family can handle. I know. My husband and I spent years trying to do this with my own violent child. He was so violent to his little sister that I couldn't be in the next room or my daughter had bruises. I didn't go to the bathroom alone if I was home with my kids. My daughter had to come in and stand in the shower to keep her safe. My husband had my son do this with him if I wasn't home. We had doctors who advised us to do this, and they put it in writing because it was that important. We eventually moved in with my parents to have help supervising my son. After we moved out, we spent 2 years trying to find a way to reach him when he was a teen. Eventually we had to let my son go live with my parents to keep both my son and my daughter safe. My son was determined to hurt her and he had to go through me to get her. I was terribly afraid I was going to have to kill him or watch him kill her. It was truly that bad. But my son wasn't nearly as bad off as your son. Acting out against a pet just didn't happen. He did get violent with other kdis who tried to hurt animals, and I had a real problem when his idiot 5th grade teacher talked about trying to find home for some kittens and why wouldn't her husband just put them in a bag and dump them in the lake. She said this at a PTA event and my son heard her. Thankfully, he had a wonderful Special Education teacher in his pullout program, and she helped me talk him out of hunting the teacher down. They stopped attempting to mainstream him into that teacher's classroom after that.. Your son just has way too many behaviors that are dangerous, and his thought processes are so abnormal that he needs the intensive help and supervision that can only be found in a residential setting. You can still try to be in his life, maybe. But he NEEDS that inpatient residential setting in order to have any chance at a normal adult life, and in order to keep him and the community safe. I am so sorry. I really wish I could encourage you to keep trying and to adopt him. But it won't a good thing for you, your other family, or the child. [/QUOTE]
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