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<blockquote data-quote="Asdf" data-source="post: 723336" data-attributes="member: 22485"><p>Thank you for your reply. Thank you for sharing your story as well and I'm glad the children who were victims are doing well. I have heard stories like this in the past and the caution of adopting older children. On the flipside, her reaction (more like wrath) caught me off guard. I understand that people do not like to hear criticism about their children, but her level of denial is severe. She initially had him as a foster child (he arrived when he was 2), then adopted him a year later. I have never been involved in this system, but I remember her saying she had to take classes and I'm surprised they would not have warned that sometimes these children have issues. It's unfortunate that people can adopt, especially those who have the potential for future problems, and do not get them help. </p><p>I'm not an overzealous, helicopter parent who puts my kids in a bubble. I feel like there are enough red flags that warranted my decision, but I'm not going to lie - dealing with the aftermath has been anxiety provoking and horrible. It has caused a rift in the family, as well as arguments with my husband (although he is completely on board now) . Like you mentioned about the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child, he can appear so nice and quiet. I think her version of what happened has been hugely minimized as well when she tells other family about it. There is one relative in particular who feels all of these behaviors were just normal and innocent. However, he doesn't have children. As a parent, I have no choice but to protect my children who are so young, voiceless and at the mercy of my choices. What also boggles my mind is that these are her grandchildren as well and she obviously sees no issue in what "k" is doing (and like I said she's very secretive, so there must be much more) or is concerned about their safety. I mentioned he has eating issues and will only eat a few things. Instead of keeping him in food therapy, she has just catered it. We couldn't go to a restaurant unless she looked up the menu first to ensure there would be things he would eat. At gatherings, she packs his special foods and packs his school lunch every day and he is now 15. At what point do you say, this is what we are having, eat it? I would think this sort of enabling would be detrimental to him as an adult. He has had issues in school - never once has she held him responsible. It is always the teacher, the school, the other kids. As puberty kicks in, I can only imagine these behaviors will escalate and I really pray there are not a slew of animal or child victims. It's really scary.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Asdf, post: 723336, member: 22485"] Thank you for your reply. Thank you for sharing your story as well and I'm glad the children who were victims are doing well. I have heard stories like this in the past and the caution of adopting older children. On the flipside, her reaction (more like wrath) caught me off guard. I understand that people do not like to hear criticism about their children, but her level of denial is severe. She initially had him as a foster child (he arrived when he was 2), then adopted him a year later. I have never been involved in this system, but I remember her saying she had to take classes and I'm surprised they would not have warned that sometimes these children have issues. It's unfortunate that people can adopt, especially those who have the potential for future problems, and do not get them help. I'm not an overzealous, helicopter parent who puts my kids in a bubble. I feel like there are enough red flags that warranted my decision, but I'm not going to lie - dealing with the aftermath has been anxiety provoking and horrible. It has caused a rift in the family, as well as arguments with my husband (although he is completely on board now) . Like you mentioned about the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child, he can appear so nice and quiet. I think her version of what happened has been hugely minimized as well when she tells other family about it. There is one relative in particular who feels all of these behaviors were just normal and innocent. However, he doesn't have children. As a parent, I have no choice but to protect my children who are so young, voiceless and at the mercy of my choices. What also boggles my mind is that these are her grandchildren as well and she obviously sees no issue in what "k" is doing (and like I said she's very secretive, so there must be much more) or is concerned about their safety. I mentioned he has eating issues and will only eat a few things. Instead of keeping him in food therapy, she has just catered it. We couldn't go to a restaurant unless she looked up the menu first to ensure there would be things he would eat. At gatherings, she packs his special foods and packs his school lunch every day and he is now 15. At what point do you say, this is what we are having, eat it? I would think this sort of enabling would be detrimental to him as an adult. He has had issues in school - never once has she held him responsible. It is always the teacher, the school, the other kids. As puberty kicks in, I can only imagine these behaviors will escalate and I really pray there are not a slew of animal or child victims. It's really scary. [/QUOTE]
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