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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 717361" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am terribly sorry you are having to go through all of this. I know it is tearing you apart. Welcome to our forum. It is lovely to have you here, but I am so sorry you needed to find us.</p><p></p><p>Right now your son has it made. He has a great life. He works just enough to get his weed, then he whines and cries enough so that you pay his bills. He gets to live on his own so that no one makes him follow anyone else's rules as far as curfew or cleaning, and he doesn't have to have a regular/real job. As an outsider, it seems to me that his only real problem is that his substance of choice is illegal in your state. If he had been born in Colorado, he would be just fine. What reason is there for your son to change his life?</p><p></p><p>Right now that isn't your biggest problem. You are codependent with your son. Addiction is a family disease and it makes more than the person who is using the substance sick. It makes the entire family sick. Seeing a therapist is a wonderful step. Please make sure that your therapist has training in substance abuse. As someone who has had therapy, it can take a few tries to find the therapist who is the right fit for you. If you need to see another therapist, don't feel bad about making an appointment with a different one. There are a lot of factors that impact the relationship between the therapist and the patient, and if you don't feel comfortable and like you can trust the therapist, then it won't work. </p><p></p><p>I also strongly suggest you read Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More". I also suggest you read "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend. They are both amazing books. I hope you find them as eye opening and helpful as I did (and do).</p><p></p><p>Almost every community has Al-Anon or Narcotics Anonymous family meetings. These are going to benefit you and your family tremendously. Even if you are the only person attending, your son will benefit in the long run. It might take a few tries to find the meeting(s) that feels right for you (every time/date/location combination has a different dynamic), but it really does help. If it does absolutely nothing else, it lets you know that you are FAR from the only person in this situation. Sure we are always here on the board for you, but sometimes that in-person support can make a huge difference.</p><p></p><p>You will get a lot of advice and information here. You will also hear a LOT of opinions on what to do to help or fix the problems with your child. Please know that we will not judge you or get mad at you for not doing whatever we said. We are not right there with you. Right there, at that moment in time, you have to do whatever is right for you and your family, period. All we can do is offer advice and ideas. We truly understand that you can only do so much. We know it takes time to get to the point where you can "Just Say No!" when this means you have to trust your child to figure out how to provide shelter and food for himself. </p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 717361, member: 1233"] I am terribly sorry you are having to go through all of this. I know it is tearing you apart. Welcome to our forum. It is lovely to have you here, but I am so sorry you needed to find us. Right now your son has it made. He has a great life. He works just enough to get his weed, then he whines and cries enough so that you pay his bills. He gets to live on his own so that no one makes him follow anyone else's rules as far as curfew or cleaning, and he doesn't have to have a regular/real job. As an outsider, it seems to me that his only real problem is that his substance of choice is illegal in your state. If he had been born in Colorado, he would be just fine. What reason is there for your son to change his life? Right now that isn't your biggest problem. You are codependent with your son. Addiction is a family disease and it makes more than the person who is using the substance sick. It makes the entire family sick. Seeing a therapist is a wonderful step. Please make sure that your therapist has training in substance abuse. As someone who has had therapy, it can take a few tries to find the therapist who is the right fit for you. If you need to see another therapist, don't feel bad about making an appointment with a different one. There are a lot of factors that impact the relationship between the therapist and the patient, and if you don't feel comfortable and like you can trust the therapist, then it won't work. I also strongly suggest you read Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More". I also suggest you read "Boundaries" by Cloud and Townsend. They are both amazing books. I hope you find them as eye opening and helpful as I did (and do). Almost every community has Al-Anon or Narcotics Anonymous family meetings. These are going to benefit you and your family tremendously. Even if you are the only person attending, your son will benefit in the long run. It might take a few tries to find the meeting(s) that feels right for you (every time/date/location combination has a different dynamic), but it really does help. If it does absolutely nothing else, it lets you know that you are FAR from the only person in this situation. Sure we are always here on the board for you, but sometimes that in-person support can make a huge difference. You will get a lot of advice and information here. You will also hear a LOT of opinions on what to do to help or fix the problems with your child. Please know that we will not judge you or get mad at you for not doing whatever we said. We are not right there with you. Right there, at that moment in time, you have to do whatever is right for you and your family, period. All we can do is offer advice and ideas. We truly understand that you can only do so much. We know it takes time to get to the point where you can "Just Say No!" when this means you have to trust your child to figure out how to provide shelter and food for himself. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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