advise please

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by oneparent, Apr 27, 2009.

  1. oneparent

    oneparent New Member

    :D First I will begin with a smile as my son is a gift from god. I love him dearly. I had him then had his sister 13 months apart. She is fine. He is not so fine.

    Im here for advise and maybe a friendship or two with others dealing with the same stuff.

    The deal is I have no clue as to what Im dealing with. :sick:
    He has had sleeping issues his whole life it was like he never got out of the newborn wake up stage until i kept taking him back and forth to dr after doctor. Finally I had to scream malpractice at a ears nose and throat dr. that refused to look at him. He said Oh hes fine. When i said that he did do a x-ray and we didnt even leave the hospital, he was rushed to surgery to remove tonsils that were preventing proper air flow when he laid down. However it took 2 years to do that. His oxygen levels were around 80 percent. He didnt talk until he was 3 yrs old and was in first steps. In my county however , besides first steps , everything else is a "HOT MESS" trying to get any help.

    He has speech problems and ADHD. The ADHD is very noticable. He squirms and cant sit still. He does talk and play with other kids and looks people in the eye and shows affection.

    However, He does not sleep well he wakes several times during the night and is the last to fall asleep and the first to wake up. He is on Clodine a blood presure medication to help him sleep i guess it works for like 4 hours.

    He is on Ritlan which helps some with the other issues Im dealing with.

    Main concerns : he is like a light switch one minute hes all about helping me do things and is real quiet and good. The next hes smearing grape jelly in the carpet or dumping eggs on the floor, climbing up the cabinets , rading the fridge not for food to eat but rather to play with. He doesnt really play with toys rather breaks them , I finally had to face the fact that no matter how much dicipline i give this is not changing he will be diciplined then go right back and do it again with in five or so minutes and then try to hide it . Last insedint was right before easter, I had a headache and my fiance , who isnt biologicaly related watched him as i took some Migraine medications and went down to sleep i figured he would at least lay down for awhile it was 10 pm 3 hours after bed time we do have a routine. My son kept getting up being put back into bed , several times till he asked to use the rest room where I found him playing in the toilet with his own poop. I cleaned him up it was 2 am at this time and asked why he did that , that i was yucky and had germs and would make him ill . He just crys when i ask why he does bad things , he will randsack my home in the middle of the night getting into everything pouring things out and all over.

    My x hubby and boyfriend are both against medications so I tried to take him off but it only makes everything worse. I have an aniexty problem , that now is getting worse as my boyfriend just walked out and moved because he said my son isnt making progress and he cant deal with all the problems he has and my sons too, he is a professional and feels he may be imbarrassed at a dinner or something, also it was stressing him out to much as well , because he felt he didnt know how to help.

    My ex dropped the children from his insurance so we had to go thru medicade which only has on facility in indiana i can take my son to and every time i get the appointment. set for one reason or another they cancel his medicade? that is a whole other issue all together.

    The school doesnt seem to care they just said they will help with the speech thats great but i feel im dealing with something much bigger that is getting bigger by the moment. Has anyone dealt with this ? any ideas as to what doctor to take him to ? I dont want a mis diagnosis but I really want him to be ready for school and not to tear up everything in the house the house included its alittle much on me getting up to clean a 3 hour mess up each day that it took him 10 mins to make or whatever. My daughter sometimes will help him make a mess but she the doctor said is only following big bro and her speech is fine.

    Im wondering if the low oxygen level due to his tonsils have something to do with what im dealing with now or is it something else.:whiteflag::whiteflag::whiteflag:

    Im running out of ideas.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Hello and welcome. You're not alone anymore. I think you should take him for a sleep study and to see a developmental pediatrician. Sleep problems can lead to all sorts of behavior issues in kids and can cause adhd symptoms. Speech problems can be a red flag for autism spectrum disorders and that needs to be checked out.

    As for medicaid, I think I would try to get on a first name basis with my worker. I suspect difficult child was dropped because he needed to be re-certified and the paperwork got lost on their end. It happens frequently I understand.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    First thing, take ex to court and get back that health insurance. He HAS to provide it.

    Has any doctor ever mentioned Sensory Integration Disorder? It seems like your son likes the way food feels more than toys during play. Does he have any issues like hates socks, pulls the tag out of his shirts, has one pair of pants that he will only wear?

    Kudos for not letting anyone tell you that your son can not be on medications. Heck, I am against them, too, but if they improve the life of my child for awhile...well, it is called parenting. Sometimes the right medication is hard to find.

    Have you ever heard of Melatonin? It is a natural sleeping aid. You might want to ask the doctor if this can supplement what you are already doing for the sleeping issues.

    I have to tell you I do not think the doctor is right on with the diagnosis. What kind of evaluation did you have done? What doctor did it?
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would have red flag issues about fiance if he's going to tell you not to medicate your own son. in my opinion he shouldn't be taking that sort of stance--it's not even his kid and could mean trouble ahead.

    Aside from that, I'd take him to a neuropsychologist. He needs a total evaluation for all disorders and NeuroPsychs are best at that. He does have red flags for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in spite of talking and looking people in the eye--that's not everything. He could also have an impending mental illness that needs treatment different than ADHD. You just don't know what you are dealing with and I agree that it won't go away. If your boyfriend just thinks he "needs strict discipline" (and it's just a guess on my part) I'd again rethink my relationship with him. This child is wired differently and will need to be treated differently. And it could be expensive and time consuming but it is in no way your fault (in case anyone is telling you that it is).

    Yes, your ex HAS to cover him. Make sure he does.

    Welcome to the board :D. Nice folks hang here.
  5. oneparent

    oneparent New Member

    I may have to take the ex back to court, but he is in Florida now and Im in Indiana, he is also collecting UE and I feel he is working under the table he works in concrete. He isnt even paying his support as ordered, its hit or miss and this state doesnt do much about it at all . So he says he has no ability to give him insurance which I feel is bull , but its what it is . My fiance /boyfriend already packed up and left he couldnt take it anymore ,( he is now 800 miles away it wasnt just my son that was bothering him he just has so much going on with his own children that I feel he couldnt handle my son) and I must say Im at a breaking point with the not sleeping and breaking toys and other peoples things , and the getting in the food , he even pee'd one day in a laundry basket or he will go on the floor on his bedroom carpet then lie about it. I did try melitonin , it didnt much help ( well not at all lets just say) Ive tried many times to get some help with his father but he seems not to care all that much.
  6. oneparent

    oneparent New Member

    My fiance left due to the situation, he said we were not making forward progress with him because no doctor will see him without the medicade and I cant seem to get a good doctor to take it !!! So I go with who they say I have to and the appointment is always 3 or 4 months out then by that time I have my medicade for him yanked and he doesnt go to the doctor. :confused:

  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    University hospitals are "cutting edge" and I believe all of them take Medicaid. That's where we always go and we get great service.
  8. DramaQueenLucy

    DramaQueenLucy New Member

    I have to agree with the others I would take him in for a full evaluation and have a sleep study done. Both of my boys had/have sleep apnea and that can cause a lot of issues.
  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    How old is he?
  10. oneparent

    oneparent New Member