Just found this forum today and hope it/the other resources I am discovering will help! A little about me; I have 3 kids (15, 13, 6). The oldest two are from my first husband and the youngest from my second/current/hopefully last husband. My oldest children's father has not been in their lifes in 10 years; he was abusive and left after the court ordered him into counseling. My husband has acted as father since and considers all the kids his. My 15 year old has been on a destructive path for a few years now. It started with his grades slipping, progressed to angry bouts in which he would take off by foot or on his motorcycle when he got mad at us, breaking rules, one fight at school, trying booze/cigs/pot, profanity and punching the wall. We had a few things go missing and my husband confronted him about it last week. It turned into a physical altercation in which my son pushed and hit my husband. My son was taken in and held for 6 days. He is now home with really tight restrictions. When he was gone he was apologetic and said everything we want to hear. Now that he is home, he is full of anger feeling that I sent him to "jail"; he is throwing what I would call a tantrum and being verbally abusive towards me. We have tried family counseling, we have him on anxiety medication, we have tried different hobbies, and different schools (his grades are actually up right now). We sent him to a group for troubled teens for a month. Some things work; some don't. At times we have been great with handling things. At times we are so frustrated we lose our cool and make it worse by yelling back. It is not all bad but it always turns bad. Every time we reach out for help he is on his best behavior and his problems appear to be minor and easily controled through parenting plans. Away from the house; he is a loving and really neat kid. Parents and teachers like him; they say he is not giving his all but they say he is kind and polite and all the things we taught him to be (at least with about 90% of the people he meets). He also had a Fall job and exceled there so the problems seem to be with us guiding him or telling him what to do not so much outside of the home other then the substance abuse. He always makes the comment things would be fine if we just let him do what he wants. This is tearing my family apart. It is tough on my husband and I, it affects my younger kids, it affects my relationships with my other family. We all feel like we are walking on egg shells. That said; I have seen a few negative comments on here like it is their choice or give up. I WILL NOT GIVE UP. It is my job to do everything I can to get him through school, to 18 and ready for the world. I have to feel like I really did everything I could. Then if he still fails I cant help beyond that. I read something on "ODD" today and felt like that is my life. I feel like I finally found something that makes sense other than he is just a bad kid (which doesnt fit) or we are the problem. Now I am not sure where to go next. How do I get him the help? How do I keep this from destroying my family or taking away from the other kids. I have a great support system; but I do work full time. Also my husband loves him like his own but how much can one man take. I feel hopeless; it hurts every day to see my family this way and I want to find a path that works not something that he can just talk his way through.