Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
After 9 months a call from difficult child 1 from psychiatric hospital.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627698" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Help? I'm really sorry for your hurting mommy heart, honest, but he doesn't want help so you don't have to worry about paying for help. He is under the impression that he can heal himself and doesn't need medications and likely will not take them or go for therapy. If he doesn't want to go, don't force the issue. It won't do any good and will only stress you out and make him angry which will stress you out more.Unless he says, "Mom, I am anxious to get better and would like to take my medication and talk to a dialectal behavioral therapist to learn coping skills" you really have nothing to spend your money on and in my opinion you'd be foolish to do it. He isn't willing. Medicaid treatment is just fine...he would probably be much better IF he listened to what the doctor told him to do. He is, like so many difficult children, deluded into thinking he can cure himself and those with superior educations and knowledge don't know as much as he does. Common with our adult kids. Foolish, but common. Maddening, but we have to accept that this is who they are and why they don't get well.</p><p></p><p>The most gifted psychiatrist/psychologist can get nowhere if the patient is not willing to accept the treatment and do the hard work that is required to treat a mental illness. I have a mental illness so I have some experience here. You only get out of it what you put into it and if you don't comply, you get nothing out of it.Does your oldest son take drugs or drink? That makes things even worse if you are mentally ill and it takes away the good affects of prescription medication anyway. One day your son may have the light bulb go on, but he hasn't yet...and no guarantee he will...or won't. We can't predict the future.</p><p></p><p>As you have already seen, the adult kids are not one bit better even though you have handed out money like a bank. Who has custody of Grandson? Do you want to fight for custody or do you have it? It does not sound as if your son is fit. Is the mother fit? If not, no matter how much you pay to give your grandson the "must haves" he will still live in instability and you can't control that either. We can not make our families functional, only ourselves. Personally, I hand it over to my higher power and let them do what they must, even if I feel it harms them. I know that there is no way to control another person, even if it is a child we gave birth to. We have 0% control over anyone but us so I "Let Go and Let God." If you don't have a higher power, I highly recommend reading extensively on mindfulness to keep you living IN THE MOMENT and enjoying every second of your life!</p><p></p><p>Your golden years can still be golden. It is up to you what you do with the rest of your life. You do not have to spend it angsting over your grown children. Ruining your health, not taking vacations and enjoying one another and the other perks of being "golden" age will NOT heal either of your adult boys and unless you have custody of your grandson it will not make his world much better either.</p><p></p><p>Have you read "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie? Strongly suggest it! Also "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud is good. It has religion in it, but if you are not religious you can skip the religious part and just read the wisdom in between.</p><p></p><p>Remember, your life and the quality of it is up to you. Al-Anon would probably help you a lot. Your own therapist or yours and your husband's may also help. I'm sure you still have plenty of fun times ahead of you if you want to claim them. I would focus on building your relationship with your husband and functional friends and give up trying to fix your boys. You can't. You can't. You can't. And trying to doesn't work...just makes them even more dependent on you at an age where it's not healthy for any of you to be dependent on one another. Read the article above on detachment. Have a serene night. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627698, member: 1550"] Help? I'm really sorry for your hurting mommy heart, honest, but he doesn't want help so you don't have to worry about paying for help. He is under the impression that he can heal himself and doesn't need medications and likely will not take them or go for therapy. If he doesn't want to go, don't force the issue. It won't do any good and will only stress you out and make him angry which will stress you out more.Unless he says, "Mom, I am anxious to get better and would like to take my medication and talk to a dialectal behavioral therapist to learn coping skills" you really have nothing to spend your money on and in my opinion you'd be foolish to do it. He isn't willing. Medicaid treatment is just fine...he would probably be much better IF he listened to what the doctor told him to do. He is, like so many difficult children, deluded into thinking he can cure himself and those with superior educations and knowledge don't know as much as he does. Common with our adult kids. Foolish, but common. Maddening, but we have to accept that this is who they are and why they don't get well. The most gifted psychiatrist/psychologist can get nowhere if the patient is not willing to accept the treatment and do the hard work that is required to treat a mental illness. I have a mental illness so I have some experience here. You only get out of it what you put into it and if you don't comply, you get nothing out of it.Does your oldest son take drugs or drink? That makes things even worse if you are mentally ill and it takes away the good affects of prescription medication anyway. One day your son may have the light bulb go on, but he hasn't yet...and no guarantee he will...or won't. We can't predict the future. As you have already seen, the adult kids are not one bit better even though you have handed out money like a bank. Who has custody of Grandson? Do you want to fight for custody or do you have it? It does not sound as if your son is fit. Is the mother fit? If not, no matter how much you pay to give your grandson the "must haves" he will still live in instability and you can't control that either. We can not make our families functional, only ourselves. Personally, I hand it over to my higher power and let them do what they must, even if I feel it harms them. I know that there is no way to control another person, even if it is a child we gave birth to. We have 0% control over anyone but us so I "Let Go and Let God." If you don't have a higher power, I highly recommend reading extensively on mindfulness to keep you living IN THE MOMENT and enjoying every second of your life! Your golden years can still be golden. It is up to you what you do with the rest of your life. You do not have to spend it angsting over your grown children. Ruining your health, not taking vacations and enjoying one another and the other perks of being "golden" age will NOT heal either of your adult boys and unless you have custody of your grandson it will not make his world much better either. Have you read "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie? Strongly suggest it! Also "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud is good. It has religion in it, but if you are not religious you can skip the religious part and just read the wisdom in between. Remember, your life and the quality of it is up to you. Al-Anon would probably help you a lot. Your own therapist or yours and your husband's may also help. I'm sure you still have plenty of fun times ahead of you if you want to claim them. I would focus on building your relationship with your husband and functional friends and give up trying to fix your boys. You can't. You can't. You can't. And trying to doesn't work...just makes them even more dependent on you at an age where it's not healthy for any of you to be dependent on one another. Read the article above on detachment. Have a serene night. :) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
After 9 months a call from difficult child 1 from psychiatric hospital.
Top