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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 721120" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>culture. </p><p></p><p>if you believe she would seek vengeance upon you, not just as a reflex, but intentionally--that is a hard, hard thing.</p><p></p><p>my s o is in your spot. he feels total responsibility with no authority or gratitude.</p><p></p><p>i think these things are only partly about the other. they are about us. our own attachment history. our character. </p><p></p><p>there is so much loss here. </p><p></p><p>the person in the equation of my own life who is ignoring my own feelings and needs, is me. </p><p></p><p>we potentially determine what we give. you know this. and many (most?) merge with dysfunctional or toxic and conflictual family systems where we are either to some extent disliked, not considered and/or used.</p><p></p><p>none of this means we should stay.</p><p></p><p>i am in a similar spot. there are reasons to bail. similar themes to yours. but at the same time i recognize that my history and current stressors intensify and distort how i perceive my strengths and power, and thereby how i respond, take responsibility.</p><p></p><p>i realize if i leave i abdicate my own capacity to grow in this relationship. but there are lines that are crossed. when they are it is hard to crawl back or to know if one should. </p><p></p><p>in your case, you are out there pretty much alone. and she s flailing at you. which feels like attacks. whether or not it is directed intentionally at you or she is drowning and trying without reason or plan, to grasp for safety, to stop her descent--in time, you will decide.</p><p></p><p>i am sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 721120, member: 18958"] culture. if you believe she would seek vengeance upon you, not just as a reflex, but intentionally--that is a hard, hard thing. my s o is in your spot. he feels total responsibility with no authority or gratitude. i think these things are only partly about the other. they are about us. our own attachment history. our character. there is so much loss here. the person in the equation of my own life who is ignoring my own feelings and needs, is me. we potentially determine what we give. you know this. and many (most?) merge with dysfunctional or toxic and conflictual family systems where we are either to some extent disliked, not considered and/or used. none of this means we should stay. i am in a similar spot. there are reasons to bail. similar themes to yours. but at the same time i recognize that my history and current stressors intensify and distort how i perceive my strengths and power, and thereby how i respond, take responsibility. i realize if i leave i abdicate my own capacity to grow in this relationship. but there are lines that are crossed. when they are it is hard to crawl back or to know if one should. in your case, you are out there pretty much alone. and she s flailing at you. which feels like attacks. whether or not it is directed intentionally at you or she is drowning and trying without reason or plan, to grasp for safety, to stop her descent--in time, you will decide. i am sorry. [/QUOTE]
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