Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Blondiesbf, Oct 3, 2011.

  1. Blondiesbf

    Blondiesbf New Member

    I just wanted to thank the many of you who suggested Alanon to me...several times! I finally went to my first meeting last week. While I didn't speak, and mostly cried, I finally found the human contact I so craved. That's not to say all of you mean any less to me, but I needed to talk to others.

    Heading off to my second meeting in a few and my newcomer's meeting is Wednesday. So many seem to have found serentity...I'm hoping to find that too...with time. Because honestly, if I can't fix difficult child, I need to work on me and accepting the things I can't well as healing the hurt inside!

    Thanks again! This forum has been wonderful for me!

  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad it is helping. They suggest "7 in 7", which means go to 7 meetings in 7 days. This lets you get a whole lot of support at first and lets you try different times and places because each meeting has its own character. If there are not that many in your area, or your schedule won't allow it, or it is just too much for you, that is okay. Just try some different meetings - different times/places have different people to find the ones that fit best for you.

    It is awesome that you have found in real life support as well as the support here - both kinds are really important.

  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is such a timely thread for me. I have looked up Al-anon meetings but haven't gone yet. husband doesn't seem all that eager to go. I think we both need to go, though.

    Maybe this will give me the motivation for follow-through. I think the period after my difficult child leaves her inpatient treatment is going to be rough. She's trying to tell us that she will have changed thanks to the program but I know that she needs more time before any real changes stick. We are going to need some strength to say no to her coming home.

    Thanks for your post!
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Thanks for sharing your experience. Like Kathy, it's on my list of things to do but I haven't actually done it yet...I've actually found a Families Anonymous meeting that is close to home (7 in 7 won't work for me-not enough meeting choices) but still I put it off... I am a little afraid that if I probe this fracture, I will split wide open and I can't deal with that yet. I am trying so hard to keep it all on an even keel until we get a little further away from the initial moment of crisis.

    Blondie - how did you get the courage to go thru the door? That's what I fear.
  5. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I have a friend that went to Al Anon and it meant the world of difference for her.

    I went to a few meetings of Families Anonymous and it helped a lot. Most of the discussion centered around substance abuse and that is not our difficult children primary issue (although she has experimented). Almost everything still applied and we found it to be wonderful, helpful and appropriate information.

    Highly recommend!!!

    Very glad that you are going and it is helping! Hang in there!!!
  6. Blondiesbf

    Blondiesbf New Member

    I highly encourage anyone thinking about just go! I arrived early to make sure I was at the right place. Once I knew I was, my eyes started welling up and I pretty much cried the rest of the meeting. I said I was embarrassed and they told me not to be! They were so understanding! They're further in recovery than me obviously but it felt comforting to be amongst people who don't judge me and know what I'm going through!

    Hubby doesn't come with me and that's okay. He supports my going and someday I will impart what I'm learning on him, if he so desires. I have to do it for me because this is all so...unbearable; hurtful; know, all those words that don't always come to mind but you feel!!!

    They told me to attend 6 meetings before I decide if this is for me. I knew the first meeting! Tomorrow is the newcomer's meeting and I really look forward to it because there is so much I don't understand yet!!!

    Sig, it took everything I had to go in...but I'll tell you what...I need it. If I want to get better, I need to go. After the first one, you'll be fine. And if you want to cry, go ahead. They've been there!

    Kathy, you need healing (recovery) too. While I don't get it all yet, I know Al Anon is what I need. I hope you go!

  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Al anon is awesome. :)

    Glad you're making use of it.
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, I went to my first Al-anon meeting tonight. It wasn't planned but it turned out to be a requirement before we could see difficult child at the inpatient treatment center. It was an introductory meeting where people shared their stories about Al-anon and how it helped them.

    I thought it would be more advice and discussion. I'm not sure if it will be what I am looking for but I am going to try a few more meetings before I decide.
  9. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy, try a few different meetings in your area if you can. It took me 2 or 3 before I found the right one for me.
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy I have tried many many meetings in our area and have not found one that is the kind of help I need. I am not criticizing them, just saying that they did not provide me the kind of support I needed. I went for months and months and kept coming back and yet I couldn't connect. I have gotten more support from members on this board, that is why I wish we lived around each other and could have our own meetings.

    I know many people have found the meetings to be extremely helpful and I wish I could say the same. But before you give up do try others, each meeting is different.