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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 658236" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>But there is. We can learn to take care of ourselves, live our lives independently of our dread, no longer sacrificing our core selves. Which makes it worse.</p><p></p><p>Because what is happening to our children is all that comes to exist for us. And that is a lie. Our intense focus on them, intensifies their guilt, and a twisted sense of power they get through self-destructing.</p><p></p><p>They begin to feel their impairment is the source of power and attention. Not their achievements. Not their self-sufficiency. Not their contentment and peace.</p><p></p><p>Giving your all of your attention and care to a self-destructing child, in one way contributes energy to this cycle. Do we want to contribute to this cycle by empowering it?</p><p></p><p>By attending to your own needs, to who you are, to who you want to be, puts balance back into the family situation. A family situation that has become defined by and functioning as if your daughter's perils are the most important thing. They are not. She is. You are. Your family is.</p><p></p><p>She alone, others have said, has the power to address her addiction and her victimization. Your power lies in you. Caring for you. Your needs. Your hopes. You. And your family as a whole.</p><p></p><p>My heart is with you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 658236, member: 18958"] But there is. We can learn to take care of ourselves, live our lives independently of our dread, no longer sacrificing our core selves. Which makes it worse. Because what is happening to our children is all that comes to exist for us. And that is a lie. Our intense focus on them, intensifies their guilt, and a twisted sense of power they get through self-destructing. They begin to feel their impairment is the source of power and attention. Not their achievements. Not their self-sufficiency. Not their contentment and peace. Giving your all of your attention and care to a self-destructing child, in one way contributes energy to this cycle. Do we want to contribute to this cycle by empowering it? By attending to your own needs, to who you are, to who you want to be, puts balance back into the family situation. A family situation that has become defined by and functioning as if your daughter's perils are the most important thing. They are not. She is. You are. Your family is. She alone, others have said, has the power to address her addiction and her victimization. Your power lies in you. Caring for you. Your needs. Your hopes. You. And your family as a whole. My heart is with you. [/QUOTE]
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