All bets off

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Oct 13, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have good reason to believe difficult child got fired from her absolutely wonderful job. It will come out sooner or later but all signs point that way.

    Pregnant, jobless, pennyless and no place to live.

  2. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Nancy... everyone is going to come down on me like a ton of bricks (probably) and I glimpse just how complicated this is, just how much of a difficult child your daughter is, just how much you have tried and failed with her until you faced almost no choice but to let her go to her own devices but... could you not give her a home just until the baby is born?
    I'm sorry. I just can't help seeing it that way.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, Malika... If only it were so easy. Nancy's difficult child has really done a number on herself.

    She has to learn, herself. It's too easy to enable, while trying to help.
  4. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member


    Wish there was something I could say to help with the pain. At least, without a job, difficult child and the baby should qualify for some support.

    Hang in there!
  5. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

    I'm sorry, Nancy. I know this is very hard.

  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I am so sorry Nancy. {{{hugs}}}
  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Malika - I would never come down on you like a ton of bricks. And I know it's hard to imagine turning away your child in an apparent time of need. When my difficult child was a precocious 4 year old - there was NO WAY i could imagine EVER being out of touch with him - and closing the door to him would have been unfathomable...

    which is why I am here, on this board. Because it's still unfathomable and unnatural and I look at him and see the 4 year old whose eyes lit up when I entered the room. And I type here to occupy my time and direct my thoughts and to get some support. And most of all to to keep myself from driving 300 miles and throwing a pillowcase over his head and bringing him home and locking him in his room while I lovingly prepare his favorite foods and try to nourish his mind and body while I keep him safe from the path he has chosen.

    He has chosen his way. I did everything I could to try to convince him otherwise. I raised him to be a good, honest, studious man of faith. He has chosen a carefree lifestyle of bad choices and freedom (though of course he doesn't realize that substances have a greater hold on him than his dad and I ever did)

    My way of choice would have been an intact, happy and healthy family. I can't have that no matter how much I want it and no matter how hard I tried. Which leaves me with a fork in the road...which way should I chose? Empower my child to continue making horrific choices which fly in the face of my very core being? Or choose to make a life that does not empower his bad choices and is my only shot of freeing MYSELF (and my family) from his substances???

    Rock meet hard place
    Lasted edited by : Oct 13, 2011
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I am so sorry...
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I am sorry.

    Wonder if she thinks in the back of her mind, or perhaps got some misguided information from an adoption agency that the next few months for her are going to help her as a kept person because of the pregnancy/potential adoption ideas should she continue to go that route.

    Again I'm sure your heart is aching. Deatach as best you can.

  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry, Nancy.
  11. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Nancy, I am so sorry you are going through this worry with your daughter. Hugs to you.. I think there are some things that have happened that are hopeful.... your daugther will call you when she needs you, she is at least thinking about her options, she has had some sobriety and hopefully is staying sober for the babys sake, she knows there IS help out there when she wants it. So my sincere hope is that this really will make her hit bottom in a way where she truly seeks help for herself... she has before and I think she will again.

    Malika I sympathize with your sentiment as there is nothing harder than turning away a child in this type of situation. However I think letting her daugther come home until the baby is born will do much more harm than good... besides the effect on the household, her difficult child needs to know she is on her own and it is time for her to make choices and she won't do that if Nancy enables her.

    Hugs Nancy.... our difficult children seem to dovetail getting help and relapsing, I think it is your difficult children turn to get help and hopefully mine will continue to do so.

  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes she got fired. Claims they told her at the end of her shift yesterday that they were not going to keep and gave no reason and she didn;t ask for one. I don;t believe her, I'm sure they had good reason. Of course telling everyone she is livingin a sober house and pregnant may have something to do with it, but I rather think she did something serious to warrent her firing.

    And I know it's illegal to fire someone because they are pregnant but it doesn't really matter in her case because I'm sure they have more than enough reasons for legal firing and she sure doesn't have a good track record.

  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm so sorry Nancy.
  14. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Geez, it just doesn't stop when it comes to a difficult child. I'm so sorry but maybe this will make her think even more seriously about her options. Surely even she can see that she can't provide a home for a baby with no income.

  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So sorry Nancy. I would tell her you love her but give her the advice to contact social services to ask about homes for unwed mothers. I attempted to google any in Ohio and didnt come up with any in your area but that doesnt mean they arent there. Perhaps the best thing would be if she left the area anyway. I found one that sounded good in NJ.
  16. keista

    keista New Member

    Sorry to hear about this. Prayers continue to go out.
  17. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She knows where she can call. It just never ever stops. This job was the best thing that happened to her and was her best chance to make it. husband and I are sick to our stomachs because it just keeps getting worse and we know what losing this job means. Hopefully in a few days I will shake this feeling of doom but right now I feel hopeless and that there is no good that can come out of this. I'm out of support, verbal or otherwise. Two weeks ago she was telling us EVERYONE she talked to was telling her to keep the baby, including all the people at work. I hope they can now tell her how to survive with it.

  18. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Sending hugs to you. I realize how hard this is for you.
  19. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh Nancy, I wish I could hold your hand. I know how hard this must be and I know how badly you would like to swoop in and make it all better. Stay busy, and try to remember that sometimes you have to just let things unfold. I will keep you in my thoughts and I send you many hugs.
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy.... you know I dont do this lightly. I have the room. Send her to me.