All bets off

[DDD]

"Everybody" is chiming in because she is using the pregnancy to get attention and sympathy just like a major difficult child. Sorry, I know that sounds mean but I can just picture those conversations and her enjoying every minute of being in the light. Maybe that ongoing topic led to her dismissal. Hugs. DDD

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Oh hon. I am so sorry. I feel the pain. It never stops....I hope this will be a wake up call for her, but I know exactly where you are at right now, believe me. (((HUGS)))

 

[Kathy813]

Nancy ~ Do you ever fantasize about running away and not telling your difficult child where you are? I do that all of the time.

Janet ~ If Nancy doesn't want to send you her difficult child, you can have mine.

~Kathy

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Nancy ~ Do you ever fantasize about running away and not telling your difficult child where you are? I do that all of the time.

Janet ~ If Nancy doesn't want to send you her difficult child, you can have mine.

~Kathy

I was thinking the same thing!!

 

[KTMom91]

I'm sorry, Nancy.

 

[klmno]

I agree with DDD on this one. I know you're hurting a lot, Nancy, rightfully so, and I'm so very sorry you have to go thru this. I'm about at a point though where I think we (parents) have to hurt more than the difficult child in order for them to hit bottom, quit feeling like we'll always be there to bail them out, and finally realize that they are responsible for their own futures, consequences and all. That "doom" that you feel is you realizing the difficulty and potential problems of all this- because you are wiser and a more experienced person than your difficult child. If you jump in and bail her out, - if we, parents, always jump in and "save" the situation when 'we' feel/see the doom, the difficult child never sees the doom themselves and never gets the wisdom and experience and never sees any reason to. When I look at it that way, it seems inevitable that parents have to feel more of a "hitting bottom" than the kids do, if we are to let them learn their lessons. And that just hoovers because it hurts like heck. But in my experience with my son, bailing him out or trying to save him from digging himself in even deeper sure doesn't seem to work- that just seems to reinforce a message that "mom will jump in".

All that being said, I don't know if I could, or how I would, deal with it if I thought I had a grandbaby on the way, and thus leaving an innocent baby in a mess. I guess if I felt it was the worst case scenario, I could call dss/cps to make sure the baby was taken care of but geez.....how much faith I have in them, I don't know.

I remind myself time and time again (I have to for my own sanity) that until difficult child cares about himself more than I do, until he cares about his future more than I do, until he cares about doing what is constructive and being a good person more than I do, any action I take to lessen consequences his actions have caused is serving only to enable him and increase any time it will take for him to 'get there'. I still love him with all my heart but have separated my love and grief and hurt from my actions regarding him. That's the only way I can handle all this and try to detach in a somewhat healthy way.

((HUGS)) I'm very sorry you are going thru yet another difficult child issue.

 

[DammitJanet]

I do know baby's throw a whole completely other wrench into the problem. Im willing to bet difficult child has no clue what is in store for her if she has this baby. As a grandparent, its just so hard to even think of these things. Im just a torn up mess over this situation because I think of this child as one of my own after all these years.

 

[elizabrary]

Sorry Nancy- I do know how hard this is. When KK was about 3 months old she and Kat were back at my house, middle of winter. I found out Kat was back in contact with-KK's father- her abuser. It was about 11:00 at night. I told her the choices- cut off all contact and stay at my house or leave. She put the baby in the stroller, had no car, nowhere to go and left. It felt like my heart had been ripped out. I barely ate or slept for several days. But I got up every day, ran the dogs, went to work, just kept putting one foot in front of the other. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done, but really it was the only choice. I refused to support the insanity. It took awhile for me to feel normal and I didn't have contact with her for several months, but I knew it was the right thing. I also heard she was telling everybody how I just put her and KK out in a snowstorm for no reason other than I am mean. So that was awesome too. But I did get through it and I did get my head in a better place. Stay busy, busy, busy. Focus on you. Be good to yourself- you deserve it!

 

[Hound dog]

Oh, Nancy I just saw this and I'm so sorry. I know it's got to both make you utterly livid as well as hurt like holy hades. And I know how hard it is to watch our children place another innocent life in jeapordy.

I don't know what the answer is. But I do know things happen the way they do for good reasons. It doesn't make the situations any easier to live through though.

Praying hard for both you and difficult child.

(((hugs)))

 

[DammitJanet]

elizabrary...

 

[klmno]

Good point, DJ- she called Cory, the father, because you know, it's both parents' responsibility to take care of their kids, not the grandparents. Given that you had an established relationship with K and you wanted/want to be there for K is a wonderful thing, but you aren't really the one responsible for making sure she is taken care of.

So where is bio-dad of 'baby-on'the-way', Nancy? Maybe you said and I missed it but in my humble opinion, he needs to be stepping up to the plate, too.

 

[rejectedmom]

Nancy, I am so sorry about this latest. I feel your pain and I really do not have any advice just lots of Hugs and support. I also wanted to chime in that there are two homes for young woman in my area. One does take pregnant and young mothers and their kids the other I would have to check out. If you want info PM me. -RM