Almost 18 son who is outta control and I have no idea what to do!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Pamellyn, Apr 11, 2012.

  1. Pamellyn

    Pamellyn New Member

    I am new here as of this morning.
    I have an almost 18 year son who has repeatedly broken rules, steals, lies, is abusive physically to his younger (diabetic) brother and verbally abusive to all of us.
    The list of his treatments/facility stays is endless. He is now self medicating with alcohol and weed. Two weeks ago we were in ER for alcohol poisoning and suicide attempt.
    He is not allowed to sleep in the house any more. He has a heated porch with a couch, lights, and his phone. I don't trust him in the house while we sleep for MANY reasons.
    I have called shelters because he can not live here anymore and it breaks my heart. I cry daily. I feel like I have failed him somehow when all I have done is fight for him, his treatment, his LIFE.
    My 12 y.o gets so upset his sugars get crazy and my husband has stopped talking when oldest is around. My home is a war zone.

    Any suggestions, thoughts, ideas, ANYTHING would be greatly appreciated.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello Pamellyn. Welcome. I am so sorry for the anguish you are in. Parenting an out of control teenage boy can be heartbreaking and difficult. In one way or the other, those of us who have become part of this parent site are all in the throes of detaching from our kids on all different levels for all different reasons, and learning how to set limits and boundaries and find our way to peace. There will be others along shortly who are more knowledgeable in the ways in which you need assistance, who can help you with advice and suggestions. I am sending you lots of mother empathy and compassion, with big giant hugs and hopes that your path becomes smoother very soon. Hang in there, you have, like us, done the best you could, this is not your fault. You've come to the perfect place, you are not alone.........
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so very sorry. Because your son is under 18 and his issues are with pot and alcohol I would suggest you post over on the Substance Abuse forum. In this forum we really deal mostly with the over 18 crowd where we can suggest a bit harsher stances with them. Under 18 you are still legally required to keep him at home. The Substance Abuse forum would probably help you more but welcome to the board.
  4. peg2

    peg2 Member

    I feel for you, I know exactlyhowyou feel... I had to walk on eggshells until myson turned 18, I gave him some time to do the right thing and then I couldn't take the emotional abuse anymore; I had to get a restraining order. There is nothingyou can do until he realizes he has a problem. Mine still doesn't and its been over 2 years, I have not seen or spoken to him and the RO is still(and will continue to be) in effect. They must realize it on their own. I am devastated and my life will never be the same, but I would do the same thing again. You and your family cannot take this abuse and it won't stop, believe me.
    Good luck and hang in there.
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Pamellyn, Hello and welcome to the board. Can you give us a little more information before we try to make suggestions on how you might proceed? How far from 18 is your son? What is the age of emancipation in Mass? Are you willing to wait it out till his birthday and evict him or do you want to take a hard stance to get him into treatment? You say he has been in and out of numerous treatment facilities. What is his diagnoses? How old is your younger child? -RM
  6. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    You are not alone, and you are most certainlly not a failure. I don't know you, but I can tell you are a caring mom. I am quite certain you did everything you could for your son. We are no more responsible for our difficult child's bad decisions than we would be "responsible" if they were entering Harvard instead. God gave them free will and they use it - heaven help us all - as they choose.

    If your son is close to 18, you might want to hang here and read and learn. The substance abuse forum, as Janet suggested, will help you with that aspect of your son's life.

    Many hugs,