So your husband thinks that if you kick your son out, then you are kicking him straight to the people you do not want him to be with? It sounds to me like he's already with those people you don't want him to be with ... they're right there in your home, eating your food, disrespecting you, stealing your stuff, and running all over you!
Your son is doing all of this now because he can! He has no reason to change his behavior because he's got it made! Everything is provided for him while he's doing absolutely nothing but partying with his lowlife friends and allowing them to steal from you! I agree with the others. This is intolerable and you don't have to wait for your husband to come home to do something! This is YOUR house. YOU get to make the rules! Have one of those "come to Jesus" meetings with him! Give him a firm deadline, maybe a month. At the end of that month he will be out! He's a grown man now. He should be able to take care of himself. If he wants to continue to live in your home, he should have a full time job, be paying you rent, and abide by your rules. The rules should be that he behaves respectfully towards you at all times, his "friends" are no longer welcome in your home, and absolutely NO DRUGS IN YOUR HOME, among other things. Get the police involved if you need to. Don't just threaten ... do it! He will think it's drastic and it is, but if something drastic doesn't happen at this point, he will still be there ten years from now, doing exactly what he's doing now! You can do it if you don't back down. Once he finds out you're serious, he can either clean up his act or leave! Don't hesitate to call the police to back you up if you have to. I'd be making a police report on the items that were stolen and telling the police exactly which of your sons' "friends" have been in your home and could have done it. And the rules can start right now, not when his deadline is up!
