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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 11650" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>We had a similar conversation with difficult child about a year ago or so. I'm not really sure where it came from but (at least in our case) like most of difficult child's obsessions, it came and went. He did, though, have some sort of a plan thought up as far as where he would live even though it was a little vague. What caught my eye in your post though, was the term "I don't belong". difficult child said pretty much the same thing. In his case, he remembers his bio mom and we still have some (sporadic on their end) contact with some of his bio family. I'm not sure if it was a wave of nostalgia for him, some of his famous avoidance, something actually honest out of him or a combination. When it came up "seriously" it was brought up in counseling which did give us the advantage of discussing it calmly. He wanted to move period and we said no but gave a few reasons that wasn't just us saying no. (probation issues, docs, etc) We discussed a POSSIBLE compromise but put such conditions on it that we (husband, myself and counselor) knew it wouldn't happen. In the end I think it was a combination of the conditions not being met, response from the bio family and the idea fizzling for difficult child that it went away. </p><p></p><p>Also, in our case difficult child was 9 when he came to live with us. I love him but we've never developed a strong close bond like we might have had he been very young when we got him. Because of that, while I was hurt by him saying he didn't feel a part of our family, I wasn't entirely suprised. When we got him he was half grown and we were the third family that were supposed to adopt him, not to mention all of the foster homes he had been in. I won't be surprised either if he tries to go back to bio family after he's 18 although I'm not sure how he'll get there. (they live about 2 hours away). He doesn't have a permit yet, much less his license, no money for a bus ticket or gas for someone to take him and I'm not sure that the "good" members of his family would do it without getting our permission 18 or not. Plus I won't allow bio mom to come to our house even though she has never met us and I'm not even sure she knows much if anything about us.</p><p></p><p>Now that I've rambled on, I'm not quite sure what my point is. :blush: The whole idea of "going back", so to speak, is not a new one. For whatever reasons, and in various circumstances, I think it comes up often with those of our kids who were adopted. Whether it's a serious wish or not, I don't know. I think you handled it in the best way you could in your case. I don't really know what else to say except hang in there. Sending lots of hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 11650, member: 2459"] We had a similar conversation with difficult child about a year ago or so. I'm not really sure where it came from but (at least in our case) like most of difficult child's obsessions, it came and went. He did, though, have some sort of a plan thought up as far as where he would live even though it was a little vague. What caught my eye in your post though, was the term "I don't belong". difficult child said pretty much the same thing. In his case, he remembers his bio mom and we still have some (sporadic on their end) contact with some of his bio family. I'm not sure if it was a wave of nostalgia for him, some of his famous avoidance, something actually honest out of him or a combination. When it came up "seriously" it was brought up in counseling which did give us the advantage of discussing it calmly. He wanted to move period and we said no but gave a few reasons that wasn't just us saying no. (probation issues, docs, etc) We discussed a POSSIBLE compromise but put such conditions on it that we (husband, myself and counselor) knew it wouldn't happen. In the end I think it was a combination of the conditions not being met, response from the bio family and the idea fizzling for difficult child that it went away. Also, in our case difficult child was 9 when he came to live with us. I love him but we've never developed a strong close bond like we might have had he been very young when we got him. Because of that, while I was hurt by him saying he didn't feel a part of our family, I wasn't entirely suprised. When we got him he was half grown and we were the third family that were supposed to adopt him, not to mention all of the foster homes he had been in. I won't be surprised either if he tries to go back to bio family after he's 18 although I'm not sure how he'll get there. (they live about 2 hours away). He doesn't have a permit yet, much less his license, no money for a bus ticket or gas for someone to take him and I'm not sure that the "good" members of his family would do it without getting our permission 18 or not. Plus I won't allow bio mom to come to our house even though she has never met us and I'm not even sure she knows much if anything about us. Now that I've rambled on, I'm not quite sure what my point is. [img]:blush:[/img] The whole idea of "going back", so to speak, is not a new one. For whatever reasons, and in various circumstances, I think it comes up often with those of our kids who were adopted. Whether it's a serious wish or not, I don't know. I think you handled it in the best way you could in your case. I don't really know what else to say except hang in there. Sending lots of hugs. [/QUOTE]
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