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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 11652" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I don't know your real name, so I hope you don't mind if I call you Ms. Tang (grin). You are so right about the age of adoption. My one son who never seemed to feel as if he fit in is now almost thirty. He came from an orphanage in Hong Kong and is now married to a Chinese woman and has totally become immersed in being Chinese and in a very strict form of Christianity, one that is far more intense than any type we've ever heard of. I think all of this is identity crisis stuff, but he has sort of shunned us. It hurts, but because he was adopted later in life, we aren't shocked either. He was always a great, well-behaved kid, and he is brilliant. His honeymoon was in China and I know they also went to Hong Kong. Whether or not he found his biological mother, I don't know. He has her address--I found it for him when he was very young and afraid she'd died in a car accident (never figured out where that came from). My other adopted kids came at young ages, and I have not had this feeling of detachment from those children, even when my Korean daughter went through her drug days. We still were always close. I think the age of the adopted child can have a big impact on how connected they feel to the family. Than, again, some adopted kids just feel like they have to know who they look like and why they're, say, good at art. But the child we adopted at six is the one who is desperately trying to connect with his roots. Since he's so bright he'll say outright that "who I am was formed before I came here." He's right. He feels as if we loved him (he doesn't doubt that), but not that we shaped him in any way. Frankly, this particular child, now adult, was mismatched in our family. We are down-to-earth and borderline blue color, loud, and have a lot of fun. He is extremely intellectual (at a very high level), quiet, materialistic (you should see his house and cars) and would have done better as the son of a college professor or computer techie. Sometimes I wonder if he has Aspergers, but he is too good at "playing" the people game. I'm sure this added to his feeling that he didn't belong (if he felt that way--he never voiced those thoughts). Many, many times I sadly thought that he'd be better off in a more intellectual family and I felt for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 11652, member: 1550"] I don't know your real name, so I hope you don't mind if I call you Ms. Tang (grin). You are so right about the age of adoption. My one son who never seemed to feel as if he fit in is now almost thirty. He came from an orphanage in Hong Kong and is now married to a Chinese woman and has totally become immersed in being Chinese and in a very strict form of Christianity, one that is far more intense than any type we've ever heard of. I think all of this is identity crisis stuff, but he has sort of shunned us. It hurts, but because he was adopted later in life, we aren't shocked either. He was always a great, well-behaved kid, and he is brilliant. His honeymoon was in China and I know they also went to Hong Kong. Whether or not he found his biological mother, I don't know. He has her address--I found it for him when he was very young and afraid she'd died in a car accident (never figured out where that came from). My other adopted kids came at young ages, and I have not had this feeling of detachment from those children, even when my Korean daughter went through her drug days. We still were always close. I think the age of the adopted child can have a big impact on how connected they feel to the family. Than, again, some adopted kids just feel like they have to know who they look like and why they're, say, good at art. But the child we adopted at six is the one who is desperately trying to connect with his roots. Since he's so bright he'll say outright that "who I am was formed before I came here." He's right. He feels as if we loved him (he doesn't doubt that), but not that we shaped him in any way. Frankly, this particular child, now adult, was mismatched in our family. We are down-to-earth and borderline blue color, loud, and have a lot of fun. He is extremely intellectual (at a very high level), quiet, materialistic (you should see his house and cars) and would have done better as the son of a college professor or computer techie. Sometimes I wonder if he has Aspergers, but he is too good at "playing" the people game. I'm sure this added to his feeling that he didn't belong (if he felt that way--he never voiced those thoughts). Many, many times I sadly thought that he'd be better off in a more intellectual family and I felt for him. [/QUOTE]
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