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Aly wants out!
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 11657" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>I don't mean to be devil's advocate, but I'm going to toss in another viewpoint.</p><p></p><p>I have a relative who was adopted out shortly after birth. His birth family kept track of him thru the years. His adoptive family loved him immensely and were well-to-do; his birth family loved him, but didn't have the means to support his medical conditions. He was raised in the well-to-do suburbs, just as the families 3 previous children had been. </p><p></p><p>As this young man grew, he loved his adoptive family, but he felt an amazing sense of longing to be elsewhere that he didn't understand. It wasn't until he was in his late teens and made a friend who wasn't so well-to-do and a suburbanite that things started coming together. In his case, it would seem he was somewhat genetically wired to live a different type of existence.</p><p></p><p>His adoptive siblings drove nice cars when they turned 16. They wore the best clothes and went to the best schools. They are happy and productive people with families of their own. And this young man finally talked his adoptive family into letting him trial a stay with his not-so-well-to-do friend. He gave up the luxary of not having to have a job; instead of a nice car, he got a 20 year old clunker that he had to fix all the time; he bought clothes at Goodwill and did his own laundry; he paid his own way thru college. He's a young man now with a young family. He has met his birth family, and moved closer to them. He continues to choose the harder of the two lifestyles - the one that also resembles his birth family's lifestyle. He maintains close contact with his adoptive family, talks to them frequently on the phone, and visits several times a year, but he swears what was missing was the rough edges that his world would have had if he'd stayed with his birth family.</p><p></p><p>He harbors no anger towards anyone, but I think his story is interesting and possibly enlightening, at times. He also eats things his birth family eats (long before he knew them), and his adoptive family didn't. </p><p></p><p>I don't know Duckie's bio history, but perhaps there's something you could include that might be her "bio culture" that might appease her curiosity? </p><p></p><p>I wish we knew the extent these things were wired into their minds.</p><p></p><p></p><p>On that note, easy child 2 is 9 (tho immature for her age), and she knows her entire family, and she still gets hung up on drawings of her family, mom's house, dad's house, etc. Part of it is probably age-related identity search, tossed in with an added obstacle of a big question mark as to part of where she came from.</p><p></p><p>FWIW, I think you're doing a great job! Some day she may well thank you for loving her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 11657, member: 1848"] I don't mean to be devil's advocate, but I'm going to toss in another viewpoint. I have a relative who was adopted out shortly after birth. His birth family kept track of him thru the years. His adoptive family loved him immensely and were well-to-do; his birth family loved him, but didn't have the means to support his medical conditions. He was raised in the well-to-do suburbs, just as the families 3 previous children had been. As this young man grew, he loved his adoptive family, but he felt an amazing sense of longing to be elsewhere that he didn't understand. It wasn't until he was in his late teens and made a friend who wasn't so well-to-do and a suburbanite that things started coming together. In his case, it would seem he was somewhat genetically wired to live a different type of existence. His adoptive siblings drove nice cars when they turned 16. They wore the best clothes and went to the best schools. They are happy and productive people with families of their own. And this young man finally talked his adoptive family into letting him trial a stay with his not-so-well-to-do friend. He gave up the luxary of not having to have a job; instead of a nice car, he got a 20 year old clunker that he had to fix all the time; he bought clothes at Goodwill and did his own laundry; he paid his own way thru college. He's a young man now with a young family. He has met his birth family, and moved closer to them. He continues to choose the harder of the two lifestyles - the one that also resembles his birth family's lifestyle. He maintains close contact with his adoptive family, talks to them frequently on the phone, and visits several times a year, but he swears what was missing was the rough edges that his world would have had if he'd stayed with his birth family. He harbors no anger towards anyone, but I think his story is interesting and possibly enlightening, at times. He also eats things his birth family eats (long before he knew them), and his adoptive family didn't. I don't know Duckie's bio history, but perhaps there's something you could include that might be her "bio culture" that might appease her curiosity? I wish we knew the extent these things were wired into their minds. On that note, easy child 2 is 9 (tho immature for her age), and she knows her entire family, and she still gets hung up on drawings of her family, mom's house, dad's house, etc. Part of it is probably age-related identity search, tossed in with an added obstacle of a big question mark as to part of where she came from. FWIW, I think you're doing a great job! Some day she may well thank you for loving her. [/QUOTE]
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