Am frustrated with our doctor!!

[notnowkids]

I swear, I could just about scream whenever we get a "helpful" handout from our doctor. I'm reading over the one from this session, and one of his suggestions for this week is to help difficult child get organized, i.e. have a place for everything and everything in it's place. I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR OVER TWO YEARS!!!! Everything has a place. Whenever we move or rearrange things, I do the initial organization/cleanup and then let everyone know where everything goes. The problem is that no one, husband included, puts a DARN thing back, and then when difficult child can't find something, she has a complete and utter meltdown.

For example, here's an excerpt from this week's handout:
--Help organize to prevent frustration. Put things in one place when she’s done with it. School items go into one place (into her backpack, then into her room in a cubby in her closet). Stuff for church or for a particular sport goes all in one place (travel Bible stays in the car). All library books go into only ONE spot on the shelf so that they can be found again without looking in 50 places (second shelf to the far right).


GAH! I'm just so irritated. He keeps suggesting that we try things that we have ALREADY TRIED AND THEY DON'T WORK.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Maybe you should pre-empt him by creating a list of what you've tried to date, and faxing it or bringing it to the next session, and asking his thoughts on it! I know it's frustrating... the search for the "right" psychiatrist takes awhile, sometimes. If this one continues to be unhelpful, keep searching.

 

[susiestar]

Maybe they are aimed at your husband to get him to work with you on stuff like keeping difficult child organized. I know I would have an idea, get pooh-poohed by husband and sometimes also by my mother (the years we lived with her), go ahead and do it and ask the docs about it. Almost universally they thought it was an awesome idea and should be tried. I used any handouts to push husband and Gma and whomever else that they should cooperate.

 

[smallworld]

What kind of doctor is this?

 

[notnowkids]

@smallworld: a psychiatrist. He hasn't done any testing aside from the initial intake and observation (understandably), and I'm inclined to think that there's something deeper going on bc difficult child's birth mom excessively used alcohol while she was pregnant. I want to get testing, but husband and I have decided at the moment to keep trying the behavioral management therapy and see if that helps. I'm skeptical.

@susiestar: perhaps, but it would help if husband actually looked at the handouts. He leaves all email correspondence to me ... he doesn't even open the emails from the psychiatrist. This is another HUGE source of frustration for me, especially when he tells me, "Well, you read it, so why do I need to?" YOU'RE HER FATHER, THAT'S WHY ... and I'm about sick and tired of taking most of the responsibility for raising your daughter.

@crazyinVA: that's a good idea. I don't know if I can remember everything at this point ... I think we've tried everything under the sun.

 

[Wiped Out]

Sorry, I'm sure that is very frustrating!

 

[Marguerite]

Sounds like it's husband who should be seeing the psychiatrist. difficult child is probably just a frustrated easy child who has been through a very confusing and difficult time. Developing ODD sounds like her only "choice" considering her inconsistent father...

I'm not devaluing the degree of the problems, or the size of her meltdowns. But maybe the psychiatrist is closer to the money than you think - fix husband, and much of what you have already put in place that SHOULD be helping your daughter, will at last begin to happen.

Now, if only we could work out how to fix husband and get him to actually DO something for HIS daughter...

It takes two parents to raise a child, where two parents are around. But it only takes one parent to really SNAFU.

Marg