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Substance Abuse
Am I an enabler?
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 719821" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Yes, you are an enabler. You enabled her by giving her $250 to get out of jail and $200 to get her car out of impound. You enabled her when you set her up in an apartment for six months. You enabled her when you took her back in your house when she was kicked out of her dad's house for not keeping up her end of their agreement.</p><p></p><p>You enable her every time that you let her be disrespectful to you without any consequences.</p><p></p><p>She can afford drugs because she doesn't have to worry about using money from her job for food and rent. You are conveniently providing that for her.</p><p></p><p>I was an enabler, too. Sadly, it just made things worse. My daughter used and manipulated me and continued down the path of drug use until she was shooting heroin into her veins. Is that where you want your daughter to end up?</p><p></p><p>When I finally got therapy and learned how to set firm boundaries, my daughter got sober and has become a wonderful, functioning adult. It wasn't easy to get there, though. We had an intervention, sent her to Florida for a three-month inpatient program, and refused to let her move home. It took four years in Florida and five rehab stays until she finally decided that she wanted to live a sober life and has just celebrated 18 months of sobriety. She now lives about an hour away from us and we have a wonderful relationship. If you had told me this was possible when my daughter was 21 I would have told you that you were crazy.</p><p></p><p>My daughter is much older than yours. I often wonder if we had gotten therapy to learn how to set boundaries earlier maybe we could have saved ourselves and our daughter ten lost years.</p><p></p><p>Many of our members find support groups like Families Anonymous are very helpful. Others like myself prefer private therapy. Some use a combination of both. Being part of this wonderful group of experienced parents that have walked your path is also invaluable.</p><p></p><p>We understand and are here to support you.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 719821, member: 1967"] Yes, you are an enabler. You enabled her by giving her $250 to get out of jail and $200 to get her car out of impound. You enabled her when you set her up in an apartment for six months. You enabled her when you took her back in your house when she was kicked out of her dad's house for not keeping up her end of their agreement. You enable her every time that you let her be disrespectful to you without any consequences. She can afford drugs because she doesn't have to worry about using money from her job for food and rent. You are conveniently providing that for her. I was an enabler, too. Sadly, it just made things worse. My daughter used and manipulated me and continued down the path of drug use until she was shooting heroin into her veins. Is that where you want your daughter to end up? When I finally got therapy and learned how to set firm boundaries, my daughter got sober and has become a wonderful, functioning adult. It wasn't easy to get there, though. We had an intervention, sent her to Florida for a three-month inpatient program, and refused to let her move home. It took four years in Florida and five rehab stays until she finally decided that she wanted to live a sober life and has just celebrated 18 months of sobriety. She now lives about an hour away from us and we have a wonderful relationship. If you had told me this was possible when my daughter was 21 I would have told you that you were crazy. My daughter is much older than yours. I often wonder if we had gotten therapy to learn how to set boundaries earlier maybe we could have saved ourselves and our daughter ten lost years. Many of our members find support groups like Families Anonymous are very helpful. Others like myself prefer private therapy. Some use a combination of both. Being part of this wonderful group of experienced parents that have walked your path is also invaluable. We understand and are here to support you. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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