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Substance Abuse
Am I an enabler?
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 720469" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>That is how therapy changed my life. My therapist helped me see what my husband and I were doing from a different vantage point. Once I recognized the absurdity of the life we were living, it motivated me to learn how to set firm boundaries. </p><p></p><p>Our daughter stole from us. So we responded by paying for an apartment for her to live in for six months with the expectation that she would take over the rent.</p><p></p><p>Our daughter got evicted from the apartment when it was time for her to pay the rent. So we let her move back home.</p><p></p><p>Our daughter broke all the rules she agreed to. So we responded by completely caving in and letting her stay.</p><p></p><p>Our daughter didn't want to get a full time job. So we paid for a car, insurance, health insurance, food, and clothing.</p><p></p><p>Our daughter started stealing from us again. So we responded by putting a dead bolt lock on our bedroom door and I walked around with a key on a wristband.</p><p></p><p>We rewarded all of her bad behavior out of love. So it just got worse and worse. When we finally discovered she was shooting up heroin in our house, we finally woke up and knew we had to do something and staged an intervention. Our niece, who is the same age as our daughter, called us out at the intervention. She asked why my husband and I would reward someone that stole from us by paying for an apartment for her. I realized at that moment that what I thought I was doing to help my daughter was actually a huge part of the problem. That is when I started therapy. </p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 720469, member: 1967"] That is how therapy changed my life. My therapist helped me see what my husband and I were doing from a different vantage point. Once I recognized the absurdity of the life we were living, it motivated me to learn how to set firm boundaries. Our daughter stole from us. So we responded by paying for an apartment for her to live in for six months with the expectation that she would take over the rent. Our daughter got evicted from the apartment when it was time for her to pay the rent. So we let her move back home. Our daughter broke all the rules she agreed to. So we responded by completely caving in and letting her stay. Our daughter didn't want to get a full time job. So we paid for a car, insurance, health insurance, food, and clothing. Our daughter started stealing from us again. So we responded by putting a dead bolt lock on our bedroom door and I walked around with a key on a wristband. We rewarded all of her bad behavior out of love. So it just got worse and worse. When we finally discovered she was shooting up heroin in our house, we finally woke up and knew we had to do something and staged an intervention. Our niece, who is the same age as our daughter, called us out at the intervention. She asked why my husband and I would reward someone that stole from us by paying for an apartment for her. I realized at that moment that what I thought I was doing to help my daughter was actually a huge part of the problem. That is when I started therapy. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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Am I an enabler?
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