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Substance Abuse
Am I an enabler?
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 728940" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>We learned to stop giving her money, to stop letting her move back in, and learned that we had to be willing to let her be homeless.</p><p></p><p>Yes, I said homeless. You have to be willing to accept that. In fact, I had to finally accept the fact that my daughter could die. As my therapist pointed out, my daughter overdosed on our living room couch and if my husband had come home two minutes later, she would have died.</p><p></p><p>So letting her live at home and work a part-time job with no adult responsibilites wasn't the answer. That just gave her a way to pay for her drugs. The reality is that our loved ones who are using drugs can die no matter where they are.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry but I don't remember your story, Broken-hearted Mom. Is your son a substance abuser? If so, the answer if treatment followed by sober living where he is expected to have a job and pay his own bills. You need to take yourself totally out of the equation when it comes to financial matters. If he says he won't go, then he needs to find a new place to live and function as an adult with all the responsibilities that comes with that.</p><p></p><p>My daughter went through five rehabs and countless sober living situations but it wasn't until we cut her off completely with very limited contact that she finally decided to get sober. She went into a wonderful rehab (that she found and arranged to go to) followed by a combination IOP/sober living program. She stayed in sober living for a year going through their step-down program and now shares an apartment with a friend from the sober living house. She became very involved in NA and has a wonderful sponsor and support group which I think is the key to her sobriety.</p><p></p><p>She just took a new job after working full time at a company for a year and a half. She is excited at the new opportunity because it has room to move up. She will be celebrating her 2-year anniversary of being clean and sober on March 1st and has asked me to come to the meeting to see her get her chip. I wouldn't miss it for the world.</p><p></p><p>It was only when I learned that I couldn't "fix" my daughter or control her behavior that things turned around. I was a classic enabler.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 728940, member: 1967"] We learned to stop giving her money, to stop letting her move back in, and learned that we had to be willing to let her be homeless. Yes, I said homeless. You have to be willing to accept that. In fact, I had to finally accept the fact that my daughter could die. As my therapist pointed out, my daughter overdosed on our living room couch and if my husband had come home two minutes later, she would have died. So letting her live at home and work a part-time job with no adult responsibilites wasn't the answer. That just gave her a way to pay for her drugs. The reality is that our loved ones who are using drugs can die no matter where they are. I am sorry but I don't remember your story, Broken-hearted Mom. Is your son a substance abuser? If so, the answer if treatment followed by sober living where he is expected to have a job and pay his own bills. You need to take yourself totally out of the equation when it comes to financial matters. If he says he won't go, then he needs to find a new place to live and function as an adult with all the responsibilities that comes with that. My daughter went through five rehabs and countless sober living situations but it wasn't until we cut her off completely with very limited contact that she finally decided to get sober. She went into a wonderful rehab (that she found and arranged to go to) followed by a combination IOP/sober living program. She stayed in sober living for a year going through their step-down program and now shares an apartment with a friend from the sober living house. She became very involved in NA and has a wonderful sponsor and support group which I think is the key to her sobriety. She just took a new job after working full time at a company for a year and a half. She is excited at the new opportunity because it has room to move up. She will be celebrating her 2-year anniversary of being clean and sober on March 1st and has asked me to come to the meeting to see her get her chip. I wouldn't miss it for the world. It was only when I learned that I couldn't "fix" my daughter or control her behavior that things turned around. I was a classic enabler. [/QUOTE]
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