Am I being too sensitive??

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Denile, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. Denile

    Denile New Member

    My son is ADHD/ODD. He's 8 years old and doesn't quite fit in with the "overall" population of children.

    He's a very talented (loves to draw), intelligent and sweet young man, but he doesn't have any friends. They all say he's weird and bad.

    He's been in this school for 3 years, and in that time I've seen him go from having lots of friends, to no one.

    His teacher last year publicly humiliated him on a daily basis and although the principal said he was handling it, it continued. I addressed it with the school board, but the damage was already done.

    Now we're on year 3 and the teacher's view me as public enemy number 1, the principal shudders when I call, and the superintendant actually said I was annoying.

    All because I have wanted the absolute best for my son.

    Before it's asked of me, yes we have gone down the medical path. He's been on 5 different medicines and each one caused worse and worse symptoms. He was raging and borderline psychotic when he was taking some, a zombie who throws up every hour when he was taking the others.

    Currently he's taking an herbal supplement called Synaptol. It's been too short a time to know if it's working yet.

    But I digress.. He's hiding in the closet now because his feelings were hurt. He's yelling information to the teacher because she's not calling on him, he's overly sensitive when a child is mean, and truthfully where I would love to go down there and scream "YOU ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND HE'S NOT A BAD BOY" I know I can't.

    PLEASE help me. If only to tell me I'm not alone and share some wisdom with this VERY tired mother.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. I'm sure you'll get a lot of responses.
    My first suggestion has nothing to do with school. I would get this child an updated evaluation by a neuropsychologist. NeuroPsychs do intensive testing (we had twelve hours) and look at every function and behavior of the child, pinpointing strengths and weaknesses and often finding disorders that other professionals overlook because they just don't take the time to check things out. Since ADHD medications haven't worked, and the child is struggling so badly socially, I would want ADHD checked--it could be something else.

    As for the school, I think it's time for you to ask for THEM to test (and this shouldn't stop you from getting a private neuropsychologist evaluation) so that your son can get a 504 or IEP. I would be livid at that teacher and would have taken aggressive action long ago against him/her.
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I agree with MidwestMom. Your son needs a re-evaluation to make sure you know what you're dealing with. Neuropsychologists can be found at children's or university teaching hospitals. They are tops at dxing all childhood disorders.
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Do not worry about what the school thinks of you. If we all did that, then we would be too scared to say anything, in case they maybe took it out on our children. And if they cringe when you telephone them - then it will teach them to do as little as possible to make you want to call!

    That said, I have always tried hard to work WITH the school, I try to help where I can and support what they do. But it's quid pro quo - they need to do their bit too, or they will see me angry, and I know they don't like that. I actually did say to the principal once, "I could be this school's greatest ally, or the biggest thorn in your side. It's your choice."

    But whatever you do, you MUST follow through or they will not take you seriously. If you are angry enough to make a formal complaint and you tell them so, then you MUST make that complaint.

    I would be getting that private evaluation. There are some other steps you can also take, as a preventive, but it would require you and the school to cooperate and you would need an IEP (or similar) in place to justify it.

    This can't continue, damage has already been done and the school has not taken it on board (otherwise the teachers would be embarrassed, not angry).

    Take notes. Keep your own diary. Not only of your own observations of your child, but also of any interactions with the school and other officials. Write the date, who you spoke to, their phone number if you can (it helps you track down how to get back in touch with them should you need to) and keep it on file. You may never need this stuff; but chances are, you will need at least some of it.

  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Another vote for the private evaluation, but I also agree that the school should do testing so that your son can get an IEP.

    I'm not a doctor, so please take this for what it's worth...ADD/ADHD seems to be an easy label for doctors to toss around. Other disorders sometimes present with ADHD-like behaviour, but they may be symptoms of an underlying cause. A neuropsychologist evaluation should be able to help you pinpoint what is going on with your son to cause his behaviours, and then you can find the interventions that are right for him.

    The fact that ADHD medications made your son's symptoms worse suggests that it is something else. A number of mood disorders are made much worse by stims, where they tend to help people with ADHD.

    Also, check the Special Education forum for more information about working with the school system.

    Best of luck, and keep us posted.
  6. Denile

    Denile New Member

    Well I just got off the phone with my insurance company and they said I don't qualify for a neuropsychologist. *pulls hair out*

    They told me to simply take him into therapy, and see the same doctor who prescribed him all of the things that made him sick.

    I'll be checking into the Special Education forum. Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom and help! I truly needed it this morning! :smile:
  7. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    If you go see a child psychiatrist, the child psychiatrist might be able to make a referral to a neuropsychologist, which would help your insurance company pay for it.
  8. Denile

    Denile New Member

    I'm on the phone right now trying to get into a psychiatrist. :wink:

    Thank you so much! :smile:
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Glad you are calling for a psychiatrist ( with the md degree), and that you seem to see something wrong. NOT glad your son has problems, but he is a lucky boy to have you fighting for him.

    Has anyone considered bipolar for him? It tends to run in families, and adhd medications or antidepressants can make it worse, much much worse.

    When you see the doctor take a list of first line mood stabilizers and ask about them. There is so much bipolar in your little guy's family tree that this should be a first priority in treatment, in my opinion. Often the ADD?ADHD symptoms go away with treatment for bipolar, or they can get much better.

    Not sure about the supplement, but natural treatment forum may have some ideas.


  10. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    I agree with everyone else about the neuropsychologist & school evaluation for an IEP.

    Have you talked with the school psychologist? They should be informed of the damage to your child socially. Social skills are equally important as education. A bright child who is isolated as a child will grow up unsocialized and unable to cope with relationship/friendship issues.

    Can you have a small get together at a park or at your house with some kids from school and their parents. Sometimes if other parents understand whats going on its easier for them to encourage their children to not be so judgemental...I know this is easier said than done though. I just think if they could see these kids when they are more comfortable and relaxed that other kids would see they are cool kids too.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with the others and would add shame on your school system. A child being humiliated at all is unacceptable and for it to go on continually grrrr!
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    OK, I may be out of line here because our health system is so different to yours - but couldn't you make a point to the insurance company, that failure to investigate NOW will almost certainly mean bigger health bills later? Those of you dealing with this - would that work, or do they have another way to wriggle out of responsibility?

  13. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    The insurance companies like to claim it's educational and is the SD's responsibility. The SD is going to say it's not necessary. I think they count on people not knowing any better and just dropping the issue. I'm sure it works a lot for them. IF a medical condition is found during the neuropsychologist testing (e.g., difficult child's anxiety), then the insurance company has to pay if all the proper channels (referrals, pre-approval, etc) were followed.

    My daughter's therapist - a social worker - is the one who put in the referral to our insurance for the neuropsychologist. We were approved for the initial visit, then the neuropsychologist had to submit for approval for testing to the insurance company. The insurance company approved 10 hours of testing, but it was not a guarantee of payment. So, if the neuropsychologist had only found Learning Disability (LD)'s, for example, the insurance company would not have paid.

    In addition, the insurance only covered 20 mental health visits a year. That included psychiatrist, therapist and neuropsychologist.
  14. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I can understand the limit - we have that here, too. And it's new, even being covered for psychologists. Our optional private health insurance has covered SOME psychology services, but now with the right pieces of paper we can get it for a limited number of sessions. It's still being trialled, but as ours is government funded, and the government is realising that a) they can afford it, we have the biggest national budget surplus in history, and b) it increases work productivity and cuts disability funding, to make people functional again, I think it is paying off for the government.

    Denile, you jump through hoops and see what you can do, you shouldn't be getting stalemated by everybody on this. You sound like someone who will fight for her children.

  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    you've gotten some really good advice here. So sorry you're going through this.
    All I can offer is support.