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Am I enabling??
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 704421" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>If he is 45 and still stealing from you and in prison, I believe anything you give him is enabling unless it is birthday cards sending love and nothing else etc. You can't be young and you can use that money, I'm sure. After 45 years of trying is it not time to put yourself first?</p><p></p><p>What will he do when you are no longer around?</p><p></p><p>in my opinion your marriage should come first. Secrets tend to come out. There is a reason your husband wants to stop sending money</p><p> Listen to him. This can destroy your husbands trust in you. He is there for you. Your son is not. He will never be.</p><p></p><p>If you feel you must help with the clothes why not buy him 20 dollar tennis shoes and cheap jeans from from Wal-Mart. He doesn't need to be a fashion plate in prison.</p><p></p><p>Worse, I remember he is an addict. He could be buying drugs in prison. So I think its risky to send so much. On every level. If he wants a good, comfortable life, he can make something out of himself when he gets out...maybe go to schools to talk to kids or mentor kids going the wrong way. And get a job, any job he can. You know there are programs to help felons get employment</p><p></p><p></p><p>Fact is, he doesn't need money in prison. Nobody goes hungry. There are jobs and resources to help better himself. He has depended on you his entire adult life and hasn't felt grateful for it or enriched his life.</p><p></p><p>In your gut, do you ever feel it's time to stop? Do you do it out of guilt? If so why? You don't have to share with us. The questions are for yourself.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Big hugs. We are all here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 704421, member: 1550"] If he is 45 and still stealing from you and in prison, I believe anything you give him is enabling unless it is birthday cards sending love and nothing else etc. You can't be young and you can use that money, I'm sure. After 45 years of trying is it not time to put yourself first? What will he do when you are no longer around? in my opinion your marriage should come first. Secrets tend to come out. There is a reason your husband wants to stop sending money Listen to him. This can destroy your husbands trust in you. He is there for you. Your son is not. He will never be. If you feel you must help with the clothes why not buy him 20 dollar tennis shoes and cheap jeans from from Wal-Mart. He doesn't need to be a fashion plate in prison. Worse, I remember he is an addict. He could be buying drugs in prison. So I think its risky to send so much. On every level. If he wants a good, comfortable life, he can make something out of himself when he gets out...maybe go to schools to talk to kids or mentor kids going the wrong way. And get a job, any job he can. You know there are programs to help felons get employment Fact is, he doesn't need money in prison. Nobody goes hungry. There are jobs and resources to help better himself. He has depended on you his entire adult life and hasn't felt grateful for it or enriched his life. In your gut, do you ever feel it's time to stop? Do you do it out of guilt? If so why? You don't have to share with us. The questions are for yourself. Big hugs. We are all here for you. [/QUOTE]
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