Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Am I enabling??
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 704444" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Oakie,</p><p></p><p>I feel your pain and discomfort. I have been wrestling with this same issue. My son (22) has been in and out of jail for two years now. BEcause he is a sweet and vulnerable young man (in addition to being a substance abuser and felon!) I started by putting money on his phone account and on his books in addition to buying him prison clothing packages (underwear, socks). His dad also put money on his accounts. I did this with each new return to jail (He kept getting released to monitored mental health facilities and either running away or failing). Eventually I was like...I'm not buying socks again. My ex husband bought him radios (he loves music and was listening to ball games and talk shows, which made our phone calls much more interesting). He did indeed get a job in the jail kitchen, partly for the money and partly to pass the time.</p><p>The last time he was released I told him that if he left his program again I wouldn't provide in-jail support to him anymore...no money for calls, and I might not take his calls either (he called every day). I persuaded his dad to not buy yet another radio (they all supposedly were stolen from him or broken). His dad and I agreed we would still send him books..he always had trouble reading outside, but seems to manage it in jail.</p><p>It is very, very hard. And yet...if you want something you've never had you have to do something you've never done. We have to stop making jail so comfy for him.</p><p>I mean, he is there for a reason. I assume your son is also. Why are we acting like this is just a tough time for them and we are providing mommy love? THEY COMMITTED CRIMES. </p><p></p><p>(I am shouting to myself).</p><p></p><p>Try not to let him twist things into looking like the only love is in things given, in financial transaction. You can love him without giving him money. If he doesn'</p><p>t know that or refuses to acknowledge that, then we know there is something else at play. You already know that.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, Oakie. Its hard.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 704444, member: 17269"] Oakie, I feel your pain and discomfort. I have been wrestling with this same issue. My son (22) has been in and out of jail for two years now. BEcause he is a sweet and vulnerable young man (in addition to being a substance abuser and felon!) I started by putting money on his phone account and on his books in addition to buying him prison clothing packages (underwear, socks). His dad also put money on his accounts. I did this with each new return to jail (He kept getting released to monitored mental health facilities and either running away or failing). Eventually I was like...I'm not buying socks again. My ex husband bought him radios (he loves music and was listening to ball games and talk shows, which made our phone calls much more interesting). He did indeed get a job in the jail kitchen, partly for the money and partly to pass the time. The last time he was released I told him that if he left his program again I wouldn't provide in-jail support to him anymore...no money for calls, and I might not take his calls either (he called every day). I persuaded his dad to not buy yet another radio (they all supposedly were stolen from him or broken). His dad and I agreed we would still send him books..he always had trouble reading outside, but seems to manage it in jail. It is very, very hard. And yet...if you want something you've never had you have to do something you've never done. We have to stop making jail so comfy for him. I mean, he is there for a reason. I assume your son is also. Why are we acting like this is just a tough time for them and we are providing mommy love? THEY COMMITTED CRIMES. (I am shouting to myself). Try not to let him twist things into looking like the only love is in things given, in financial transaction. You can love him without giving him money. If he doesn' t know that or refuses to acknowledge that, then we know there is something else at play. You already know that. Good luck, Oakie. Its hard. Echo [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Am I enabling??
Top