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Am I going overboard?
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 28257" data-attributes="member: 3"><p><span style='font-size: 11pt'>I think you have to ask yourself what are you trying to accomplish? How does the consequence translate to your child? I think you are going overboard for punishment for a school incident because of the bad behavior on difficult child's part and your own frustration at his difficult weekend. </p><p>Consequences are supposed to teach and redirect. If kids didn't need parents to redirect and protect then we would dump them at birth to fend for themselves. </p><p>Conversation over right and wrong choices are more important than the actual consequence but a consequence must happen. </p><p>Most of our kids require structure. They need to know what the house rules are. If you choose to punish for school behavior, that has to be upfront and consistent. If you aren't going to punish then that has to be discussed and consistent with husband as well as difficult child. </p><p>I refused to live in a military state in our home and to have a joyless home. If I punished difficult child for every infraction it would have been a difficult life for the whole family. </p><p>Another point being that difficult child's do a lot of things that make us unhappy. Punishing constantly makes your home miserable. It makes you miserable for being the bad guy and it makes husband miserable because the little time he has with difficult child in the evenings is taken up with punishments and an unhappy mom. I do the whole Basket A Basket B and Basket C.</p><p>I have a tendency to be fairly stern. I was raised in a home that was run by fear and intimidation. It's not pleasant. On the other hand, I can't live a free for all. I hope I am somewhere in the middle but husband's sense of humor tends to soften my sternness and I can see some of the humor of difficult child's antics. </p><p>I don't believe being sterner or punishing more would have made difficult child better or more functional. In our case, I think I suffered over behavior and punished with no real change. It wasn't worth the misery it caused because it did not accomplish the goal of teaching, directing or nurturing. </p><p>I hope you understand that I am talking about my difficult child who is fairly difficult due to the disabilities he was born with and through no fault of his own. However,I couldn't sit back and let him behave like an animal. I know you asked a simple question and I hope you don't take offense. I am just presenting my point of view from my seat. </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 28257, member: 3"] <span style='font-size: 11pt'>I think you have to ask yourself what are you trying to accomplish? How does the consequence translate to your child? I think you are going overboard for punishment for a school incident because of the bad behavior on difficult child's part and your own frustration at his difficult weekend. Consequences are supposed to teach and redirect. If kids didn't need parents to redirect and protect then we would dump them at birth to fend for themselves. Conversation over right and wrong choices are more important than the actual consequence but a consequence must happen. Most of our kids require structure. They need to know what the house rules are. If you choose to punish for school behavior, that has to be upfront and consistent. If you aren't going to punish then that has to be discussed and consistent with husband as well as difficult child. I refused to live in a military state in our home and to have a joyless home. If I punished difficult child for every infraction it would have been a difficult life for the whole family. Another point being that difficult child's do a lot of things that make us unhappy. Punishing constantly makes your home miserable. It makes you miserable for being the bad guy and it makes husband miserable because the little time he has with difficult child in the evenings is taken up with punishments and an unhappy mom. I do the whole Basket A Basket B and Basket C. I have a tendency to be fairly stern. I was raised in a home that was run by fear and intimidation. It's not pleasant. On the other hand, I can't live a free for all. I hope I am somewhere in the middle but husband's sense of humor tends to soften my sternness and I can see some of the humor of difficult child's antics. I don't believe being sterner or punishing more would have made difficult child better or more functional. In our case, I think I suffered over behavior and punished with no real change. It wasn't worth the misery it caused because it did not accomplish the goal of teaching, directing or nurturing. I hope you understand that I am talking about my difficult child who is fairly difficult due to the disabilities he was born with and through no fault of his own. However,I couldn't sit back and let him behave like an animal. I know you asked a simple question and I hope you don't take offense. I am just presenting my point of view from my seat. </span> [/QUOTE]
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