Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Am I hitching a free ride?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="pandora404" data-source="post: 648794" data-attributes="member: 18282"><p>Classic Karpman drama triangle! 31 year old difficult child is original "victim", his bio mother the original "rescuer" and your tough love-minded husband and you are the "persecutors". But when the "rescuer" gets tired, he or she often swaps roles with the "persecutor". If the bio-mum becomes the persecutor, your husband is forced to become the rescuer. This is sadly familiar to me because that stupid cycle has going on in my own family for a couple of years, and I'm <em>trying</em> to break it. Even if you are aware of it, it's not easy.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion you should stop totally worrying about getting a free ride. You are probably the most mentally healthy person on the scene. in my opinion your only role here should be to support your husband, whatever actions he decides to take or not to take. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Boy! This is a perfect description of how I am feeling at this exact moment. Right now my husband is paying my difficult (and undeserving) child's rent as a so-called "loan". (I actually didn't him want him to do it, but the relief it brought!)</p><p></p><p>However I have to admit, it's not exactly concern for the difficult child that motivated him. To some degree, it's selfishness. In my family's case, in the fairly recent past (August 2014) for about a week when he was homeless and the house was empty during the day, he broke in through a window early in the morning (I guess he waited until his father's car was gone) and slept, ate and showered then departed before 4 pm. So what looks like enabling, is also keeping the difficult child at bay. </p><p></p><p>Even when my difficult child was paying the rent himself, I used to go there every once and a while, and, working alongside him, remove many bags of rubbish. I also changed his sheets and took away dirty clothes. This was partly because I was afraid the difficult child would be kicked out of his accommodation if the landlord saw (and smelt) the state of his room. The stress of worrying about him becoming homeless, and the inability to sleep which came with that, made the "enabling" behaviour the lesser of two evils. Maybe this applies to a lot of enablers out there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pandora404, post: 648794, member: 18282"] Classic Karpman drama triangle! 31 year old difficult child is original "victim", his bio mother the original "rescuer" and your tough love-minded husband and you are the "persecutors". But when the "rescuer" gets tired, he or she often swaps roles with the "persecutor". If the bio-mum becomes the persecutor, your husband is forced to become the rescuer. This is sadly familiar to me because that stupid cycle has going on in my own family for a couple of years, and I'm [I]trying[/I] to break it. Even if you are aware of it, it's not easy. in my opinion you should stop totally worrying about getting a free ride. You are probably the most mentally healthy person on the scene. in my opinion your only role here should be to support your husband, whatever actions he decides to take or not to take. Boy! This is a perfect description of how I am feeling at this exact moment. Right now my husband is paying my difficult (and undeserving) child's rent as a so-called "loan". (I actually didn't him want him to do it, but the relief it brought!) However I have to admit, it's not exactly concern for the difficult child that motivated him. To some degree, it's selfishness. In my family's case, in the fairly recent past (August 2014) for about a week when he was homeless and the house was empty during the day, he broke in through a window early in the morning (I guess he waited until his father's car was gone) and slept, ate and showered then departed before 4 pm. So what looks like enabling, is also keeping the difficult child at bay. Even when my difficult child was paying the rent himself, I used to go there every once and a while, and, working alongside him, remove many bags of rubbish. I also changed his sheets and took away dirty clothes. This was partly because I was afraid the difficult child would be kicked out of his accommodation if the landlord saw (and smelt) the state of his room. The stress of worrying about him becoming homeless, and the inability to sleep which came with that, made the "enabling" behaviour the lesser of two evils. Maybe this applies to a lot of enablers out there. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Am I hitching a free ride?
Top