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Am I hitching a free ride?
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 648882" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>My closest friend lost her sister to aloholism when her sister was 49. Her sister's husband was left to bring up 4 boys, then aged 2,4,6 and 8.</p><p></p><p>Fast forward 25 years.</p><p></p><p>Eldest nephew is a gambling addict. He has lost his job, wife, home and daughter as a result of his addiction. He has massive debt and lives from hand to mouth. She has 'lent' him thousands of pounds, supposedly so that he can clear his debts and get his life back on track. Of course this doesn't happen. He has gambled away a huge load of her life savings. She is a major enabler. This is because she feels major trauma at the fact that her sister died and the boys were left, that she was unable to prevent this happening, that she is somehow trying to replace her nephews' mother.</p><p></p><p>I have told her straight that giving him more money for him to continue his gambling is enabling, destructive, feeding his addiction.</p><p></p><p>She continues to believe his sob stories and continues to give him handouts whenever he begs and he continues to gamble it away.</p><p></p><p>You can't stop another person's enabling behaviour, just as you can't stop your children following their own paths. They have to see it for themselves and stop themselves.</p><p></p><p>You're not coasting along on a free ride. The mother is making her own choices and you can't feel guilty about another person's choices.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 648882, member: 17650"] My closest friend lost her sister to aloholism when her sister was 49. Her sister's husband was left to bring up 4 boys, then aged 2,4,6 and 8. Fast forward 25 years. Eldest nephew is a gambling addict. He has lost his job, wife, home and daughter as a result of his addiction. He has massive debt and lives from hand to mouth. She has 'lent' him thousands of pounds, supposedly so that he can clear his debts and get his life back on track. Of course this doesn't happen. He has gambled away a huge load of her life savings. She is a major enabler. This is because she feels major trauma at the fact that her sister died and the boys were left, that she was unable to prevent this happening, that she is somehow trying to replace her nephews' mother. I have told her straight that giving him more money for him to continue his gambling is enabling, destructive, feeding his addiction. She continues to believe his sob stories and continues to give him handouts whenever he begs and he continues to gamble it away. You can't stop another person's enabling behaviour, just as you can't stop your children following their own paths. They have to see it for themselves and stop themselves. You're not coasting along on a free ride. The mother is making her own choices and you can't feel guilty about another person's choices. [/QUOTE]
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